Monday, May 16, 2005

HELL-thcare

Well I promised more opinion pieces, so here goes. This is really more of a rant than an opinion. First a little background. Recently I was diagnosed with diabetes. I have it so bad they couldn't even get a reading. Since then I have been through a barrage of test, up to and including 2 EKG's (I look like I have mange due to them shaving patches on my chest). Of course they think they saw some old "damage" to my heart, so I was sent to a specialist. I also have to see another specialist for my eyes, since diabetics go blind sometimes. On top of that I had to collect my urine for 24 hours (kept in the fridge), so they could check and see if I had any liver damage. I did have some fun with that one. I had an extra urine bottle, that I poured beer in. This weekend the boys had a bunch of friends over that were warned not to drink from the big orange bottle because it was full of piss. You should have seen their faces when I poured a glass full, announcing that "I want to know what it tastes like." I drank it and they freaked. Seven pre-teen boys that will do anything to gross each other out, and I had them dry-heaving. I am the king.

Back to my original post. I have to take three kinds of pills for the diabetes. Cost: $70.00 a month. This is only because I am insured, otherwise it would be much more. I have to see my doctor at least twice a month. Cost: $20.00 each visit. Once again thank God for insurance. The heart specialist is $40.00 each visit. The next one is in June. I go for a stress test. There might be some "old damage", if there is, it's nothing to worry about, it's minor and they can always give me more pills.
First. If it's minor and nothing to worry about, why am I taking a fucking test?
Second. More pills? I don't fucking think so.
Third. A stress test? I don't need it, the fucking doctors are stressing me out, therefore I passed.
Fourth. My blood pressure is GREAT and my cholesterol is low, the doctor said my heart is really healthy for a fat smoker, in fact he said most athletes don't have a heart as strong as mine (this is of course because I don't use it much). We should be done with him, right?
Fifth. Since my heart is so fucking strong, once again, why the test?

Let's recap. So far my regular doctor is costing me at least $110.00 a month. The heart specialist is going to hit me for at least $80.00. God knows what the eye doctor is going to fuck me out of.

My urine test numbers came back today and they are great, so I don't have to store piss in the fridge for another year. My heart is strong, test or no test. I take more pills than most geriatrics. But I don't know if I'm going blind or not (my vision is 20/20).

I can tell you now, it's not the diabetes that's going to kill me or the ticker going bad either. It's these fucking quack doctors passing me around like a $2.00 whore on Saturday night. That's what's going to kill me. Everyone of them has a hand in my fucking pockets, yet none of them will at least give me a fucking hand job. They all want to fuck me, but no kiss. Now I know why insurance costs are so fucking high. Between the doctors and the pharmaceutical companies, the average American gets raped every day and the insurance companies have to pick up a lot of the tab, which of course they pass on to the insured. So between the three evil entity's (doctors, pharmacies and insurance) they have devised a way to get every penny they can and then some, from us. It's a god damned conspiracy, all three of them are in it for the money and don't give me that shit about doctors wanting to do it to help their fellow man. BULLSHIT, if you were, then you would be in a foreign country working for rent on a little grass hut, or at least in Alabama working for chickens.

As your next president, I can promise you one thing. I WILL put a stop to the daily rape and torture of the American public, that comes from the evil three. I don't know how yet (I'm leaning towards a form of socialized medicine). I don't want to hear your arguments against it either. Everyday we give free healthcare to illegal aliens. That's right, I said illegal aliens not "undocumented aliens", they're here illegally. Fuck that "undocumented bullshit". Why can't we take care of our citizens, both native and naturalized. Some of us were born here and others went through the proper channels to become citizens, but God forbid we take care of our own. No, all you have to do is come into this country illegally in the middle of the night or even in broad daylight and you get free fucking healthcare. FUCK that noise. But that's a different post for a different day. Bottom line is I'm sick of it and I ain't going to take it anymore.

I always said "If you don't know you have it, then it can't kill you." The proof in this statement is, I was fine until Jen insisted I go for a check-up. I blame her for the check-up and I blame Coca-Cola for the diabetes (secret formula has addictive properties). I blame the doctors for all the bullshit I'm going through now. I blame our government for the cost of healthcare being out of control. I blame Bluebell for making their ice cream taste so good. Me? I take no blame, I'm just an innocent pawn in the giant chess game known as life.

By the way, anyone know any good wood carvers? I heard sometimes diabetics lose legs because they won't heal properly. I've got a little scratch on my left leg and I thought a nice pirates peg with a skull carved at the top would be pretty cool.

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