NaBloPoMo Number 9: The Seinfeld Post

This post is all about nothing. I spent the day hanging drywall. Most of it under the stairs in a closet. It's not easy crawling under stairs and hanging that shit when you take up most of the closet. I'm tired and dirty and I'm going back for more fun tomorrow. This will have to do until then. I tried all day to come up with a subject and nothing. Maybe tomorrow.

Anonymous #2 they didn't switch the cup or maybe they did. But how do you explain the regurgitation down each others throats?

Keep on keeping on and reading and commenting.

I stole this from Nightmare.

The Missing Post

I lied. I going to post twice today to make up for missing the other day (fucking feds). This is going to be short and not very sweet. A while back I was listening to the Dudley and Bob show on KLBJ. They were talking about a video clip on the web called Two Girls and a Cup. It took me awhile to find it but I did. It is the vilest, sickest most disgusting thing I've ever watched (repeatedly). It is hitonious. I will not put up the link because it's Not Safe For Work. Hell it's Not Safe For Anywhere. However if you want to see it and you're OK with being mentally and emotionally scared for life, just email me at trashman64@gmail.com and I will send you the link. Keep your phone close by in case you need to call 911. Oh and a bucket too.

Back On The Gridiron

OK OK OK. So I missed yesterday. I know I said I always do what I say I'm going to do. But I had no control over yesterdays outage. My internet went down and I just managed to get back online 15 minutes ago. I think the feds were blocking my signal, so I had to figure out another way around. I'm back, but who knows for how long. I really ain't got much to say except I won't be making up the missed post. There's no fucking way I'm posting twice in the same day.Believe it or not sometimes I even run out of shit to talk about.

I'm going into the last post comments for tonight's subject. Jenn wants to know how I feel about the whole every kid gets a trophy thing. Jenn, Jenn, Jenn you poor girl. I realize your new to my blog and I'm sorry for this but here goes.

I am dead set against all kids getting trophies. When I grew up the kids in football didn't get trophies. The team got one trophy. One fucking trophy. It's a god damn team sport. We are turning our kids into a bunch of PC pussies. My kids bedrooms are lined with trophies. Football trophies. Baseball trophies. Lacrosse trophies. Trophies upon trophies and fucking ribbons and certificates and assorted other bullshit. Now since you don't know me, I'll tell you I don't pull no fucking punches. Just ask my regular readers. So every time one of the boys has their celebration pizza party (where they collect their undeserved trophy) I ask them if they've ever seen my trophies. They roll their eyes and say no. My response is. That's because I don't have any fucking trophies. I was always on a losing team just like they are. Losers don't get trophies, winners get trophies. The minute you give everybody trophies it takes away from the kids that fought and won. I realize they are exceptions on every team. Give them a fucking piece of paper that says "Good Job Fuckwad" but don't give them a trophy.

I believe that by giving everyone trophies all you're doing is telling them that they don't have to try. Little Johnny is eventually going to see that the fucking loser Little Billy got a trophy and his fat ass didn't even show up to practice. This tells Little Johnny that he doesn't have to try either. Next thing you know you got a bunch of little fat asses sitting around wanting their fucking trophy. Not only that it's detrimental to preparing them for life. First thing you know they'll want a fucking raise because they're late to work every day and they don't do anything while they're there. The only trophy given should be a team trophy, maybe give the kid a polaroid of him holding it. You don't see the pros getting a little miniature glass football. I'm assuming your brother is a liberal, this trophy thing is usually the liberals crying over the fact they lost and no body recognized their effort. even though they tried they're best. Well I want to quote John Mason (Sean Connery - The Rock) "Your "best"! Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen." Nuff said.

You also said you had to starve the kid to make the division. Your brother should have raised hell about that instead of the trophy thing. Football is a game of size. Big kids play football if, somebody's kid is small and they don't want them run over, keep them out of fucking football. That's all. Gotta go find some valium now.

Keep on keeping on.

Tuesday Night Lights

This post is number 6 in a series of 30. It's also about my namesake Trash Jr. Tonight was the last football game of the season. His team finished up with a record of 7 wins and 2 loses. I'm really gonna miss watching him play. It's the end of his middle school football carrier.

At the age of 13 he stands 5'9" and weighs 220 and he hits like a freight train (I know this from experience). He was usually the biggest kid on the field. He was always double teamed and sometimes triple teamed. Unfuckingstoppable is the best word to describe him on the field.

Trash Jr plays right defensive tackle. His main job is to open up holes for the rovers and linebackers so that they can get into the backfield. Even though the position is called tackle, they don't tackle very often unless the ball carrier comes straight up the middle. Which in 8th grade football doesn't happen very often.

His one goal this year was to get one sack on the quarterback. He sets his sights high, I told him it's most likely not to happen considering the nature of his position and the fact in middle school it's mostly a running game. So by the time he gets into the backfield the ball would be gone. He almost accomplished that goal tonight.

One of the last plays was a passing play, just as Trash Jr got to the quarterback, he threw the ball. Jr did just what he was supposed to do. He made the quarterback sorry he was ever born. He drove him into the ground and slid for about 5 yards. It was beautiful. Jr's team won 32 to 0. Once again it was beautiful. I love watching that kid play. It's like watching a locomotive dance.

Trash Jr had 12 tackles, 30 assist, and at least 2 hits on the quarterback for the season. His stats should have been at least twice that but the defensive coordinator is racist. The mexican coach put a mexican kid from his mexican language class in Jr's spot most of the time. The mexican kid is half Jr's size and spent most of the time knocked on his ass. I know I sound biased and bitter, but I never complained except to Jen and the boy. I didn't rock the boat, mainly because Jr didn't want any problems with the coaches.

He starts high school next year. New coaches. This season is over and I've got a coach in my sights.

24 more fun filled post.
Keep on keeping on.

Easy Money?

OK I was screaming for more comments and some of y'all suggested that I write more stories from my past. Here you go.

I was driving one of the "escorts" around one night form call to call, when some pervert called in looking for a dominatrix. We didn't have one so I asked Suzy if she could do it. She was half Thai, half white with long dark hair and looked like a real bitch. She only took a little convincing. She finally agreed once she found out she was probably going to get to hit the dude.

We got the address and headed for the house. Once we got there she was starting to back out but I wasn't leaving without the money. Trying to back out is not unusual for these girls. They try it on most calls. You have to usually talk them into it and psych them up a little bit. Each girl is different. You just have to figure out what makes them tick. We had one you had to tell her how pretty she was (repeatedly). I had a couple you had to yell at. With Suzy it was easy. The words "You need to feed your baby" usually did the trick. But it wasn't working this time.

Suzy: "I can't do this."
Trash: "Sure you can."
Suzy: "I can't hit anyone."
Trash: "You need to feed your baby."
Suzy: "Not that bad I don't."
Trash: "Well I need to feed mine. So get your ass in there."
Suzy: "I can't. I can't be a bitch."
Trash: "Listen you got the look. All you need is the attitude."
Suzy: "Ho do I get the attitude?"
Trash: "You know that mother fucker in prison that you keep sending money to? Your baby's daddy."
Suzy: "He ain't no mother fucker."
Trash: "Every time he gets new shoes from you or money on his books, he's telling all them other mother fuckers, that he's got a ho back on the block supporting his ass."
Suzy: "No he ain't."
Trash: "Yes he is. And he shows them your picture and tells all about how you suck a great dick and about the one time you let him fuck you in the ass."
Suzy: "How'd you know about that?"
Trash: "He must of told me too."
Suzy: "That MOTHER FUCKER."
Trash: "Good. Now take all that anger, go inside and beat this piece of shit."
Suzy: "Time to feed my baby."

Suzy got out of the car, marched up the steps and banged on the door. When the guy opened up, she put her hand on his chest and shoved him back in. His eyes lit up like Christmas bulbs. I settled back in my seat, checked my watch and lit up a cigarette. No less than 15 minutes later she comes running out of the house and jumps in the car.

Suzy: "Get me the fuck out of here.
Trash: "You didn't rob him did you?"
Suzy: "No."
Trash: "Kill him?"
Suzy: "No."
Trash: "Is he laying in there dying?"
Suzy: "NO."
Trash: "Then what's the fucking problem?"
Suzy: "He's a fucking weirdo."
Trash: "No shit. That's why he likes to be spanked."
Suzy: "You just don't get it."
Trash: "Then splain it to me Lucy."
Suzy: "My name is Suzy not Lucy."
Trash: "Old TV show. You're too young. Just tell me what the problem is."
Suzy: "Everything started out fine. I slapped him a couple of times. Called him a few names. Made him get on his knees and spanked his ass with a belt. Evey thing was cool. Then he pulls out a gym bag and reaches in it and comes out with a ping pong paddle with nails stuck though it."
Trash: "What the fuck?"
Suzy: "There's more. He had surgical tube with sewing needles stuck through it. He had a belt with staples all over it. I told him I was done before he pulled anything else out. He started screaming he wanted his money back."
Trash: "You still got the money, right?"
Suzy: "Fuck yeah. Anyway I offered to blow him, fuck him, what ever he wanted I just wasn't hitting him with any of that shit."
Trash: "And?"
Suzy: "And he said he didn't want sex. He just wanted his ass kicked for an hour."
Trash: "Go back in."
Suzy: "No fucking way."
Trash: "Listen. Go back in and tell him for an extra $500 your driver will kick the living shit out of him for an hour."
Suzy: "You're kidding."
Trash: "I'm fucking serious. You can be MY driver. I'll even give you the driving fee."
Suzy: "I'll be right back."

Suzy got out of the car and walked back up the sidewalk. She knocked on the door and the guy let her back in. She was in there for about three minutes and she came out and walked back to the car. She just stood there looking at me. Finally I said "Well?" and she held up $750 dollars and she says "He wants an hour and a half."

I kicked his ass.

NaBloPoMo Number 4

So far today I got nuthin. Jen's a little sore from the accident.

You people aint supporting us NaBloPoMo types very well. We need comments and lots of them. Zelda, Angi, and Tammy are suffering through this nightmare also. Show'em some love. Visit, read and comment. Just do it. Do it. I like to think we do this for your enjoyment. So give a little back. Dammit.

Keep On Keeping On.
26 more to go.

Crawling From The Wreckage

Looks like someone's in a bit of a panic. Here's a little info about the Trashman. He does what he says he's gonna do (unless he says he'll stop by before he leaves town. Sorry Jack.). I said I would do 30 days, then by all that is holy I'll do 30 days. I will admit that I was wondering what I would blog about today. But then Jen came through with a subject for me. Today's blog is brought to you by the only mexican in Texas with auto insurance.

Jen called me today and said some dirty things but that's a whole different post. What I want to talk about is she told me she got rear ended. Now if you're like me some dirty thoughts ran through your mind, but then I realized she meant she had been in a car accident. She was less than a mile from the house, so I grabbed T3 and rushed right down. The first thing I see is a mexican girl limping around. This may sound racist, but it's honest. I thought "Oh fuck, I guess I'm paying for this one".

I jumped out of the truck, snapped some pictures (I'll post those in another post, I have to milk this thing) checked out Jen's truck, made sure she was OK, made sure Trash Jr was OK. I had to ask him at least four times if his neck hurt before he got it right.

I found out the mexican girl had insurance. I will now refer to her as a hispanic american. The cop that investigated the accident knows Jen so he looked over the fact her license is from another state. I swear he was a surprised as I was the mex.... uh.... hispanic american girl had insurance (full coverage no less)

The damage on Jens truck is minimal and the hispanic american girls car is totaled. I guess that's what happens when you try to drive an Altima up the tail pipe of a Ford pick-em-up truck. Once again American steel shuts down a Japanese POS. Jen and Trash Jr are fine. I made sure the cop would remember me (they always do) and I got blog material. So I guess all is right with the world.

Now if only I knew a chiropractor.