Mom, Apple Pie & Baseball

You can't get more American than "The Trashman".

The blackout on the eyes is to make sure I'm not recognized by the Feds.

Have you ever seen so much pretty in one place?

Fertilizer

One thing you can say about G-Dub, he was not in the shit business. He didn't give any and he didn't take any.

Obama on the other hand is a different story. It amazes me how fast the Russians threatened us, they even accused us of destroying the worlds economy. The fucking Arabs did that with the oil prices then the speculators didn't help with the futures market. North Korea wants a sit down. All the different terrorist organizations are willing to deal with him as long as he shows them the proper respect. Obama is going to kiss some muslim ass.

President Bush would have told them all to lump it. Yep, it would have been his way or the highway. Which it should be. We ARE the last of the super powers.

Obama's going to pull out the troops and cut military spending. Then he's going to bow to the will of everybody out there that wants to pull his chain. America is dead and gone. It's just a matter of time.

Let me know when y'all are ready for me to take over.

Simply The Best

Sometimes I think I'm not arrogant enough.

What's It Gonna Be?

Who would of ever guessed that my blog would create some intelligent back and forth in the comment section. Certainly not me.

Anyway today's subject. Racism. We're ALL affected with it. Me, you, everybody. White, black, brown, red, yellow, stripped, it doesn't matter. Everybody is a fucking racist. Even me, believe it or not. And I'm going to prove it.

You have two neighborhoods. They are identical in every way. Same income levels. Same crime stats. Same houses. Same stores. Same parks. Same trees. Same lawns. Same cars. Same everyfuckingthing. They are mirror images of one another. They both have one empty house. These houses are for sale for the same price. They both have the same floor plan because they're identical. Here's the kicker. One of these neighborhoods is all white and one is all black. Which one are you going to move into?

Answer honestly. If you're black and you say the white neighborhood or you're white and you say the black neighborhood you're a lying mother fucker. Whites will move to the white hood and blacks will move to the black hood. And that my friends is racism. I don't want to hear any of your liberal psycho-babble about people being natural drawn to people like them. Bullshit. Black people move to the black hood because they don't trust or like the white man. White people move to the white hood because even though they're identical, the property values are higher in the white hood.

As for me. I don't want to live in either place. I'm moving to an island with a bunch of sex starved Victoria's Secret models.

What Have You Done?

He has ties to the PLO. He has ties to the Weather Underground. He listened to Rev. Wrights hate filled rhetoric for 20 years, that is until he decided he needed to rule the world. He's a socialist. He's a muslim. He's the anti-Christ. He made a faux-pas (more like a Freudian slip) when referring to the 57 states. His wife said she could finally be proud of her country, so I guess we used to embarrass her. He did fuck up and say "my muslim faith". I could go on and on, I just don't have the energy. One more thing. If anyone says this election wasn't about color (especially anyone black) they're full of shit. There was dancing in the streets of Harlem last night. All anybody could talk about on TV was the history making of finally "A Black President". When I went to pay my insurance today, the first words from my black female insurance agent were "So how do you feel about the election?" I refused to answer. Why give her the satisfaction? She must have already decided I'm in the Klan. I am white after all?

He ain't my president. Y'all elected him. Y'all deal with him. When the world goes to shit and you need saving, you need to tell me I was right first.

The Results Ain't In Yet

If I wait for the election results I will miss my deadline for the HoBloMoFo thing. I'm not going to mess this up for anything, so y'all will have to wait until all the votes are counted to read what I have to say.

Instead tonight I want to talk about my favorite subject. Me. As most of you know I have diabetes. Due to this I piss a lot. In fact I told the boys one day that my life was one big piss with little breaks between. Lots of things make me piss. For instance the phone. If it rings I gotta go. Anybody that calls me knows this. When I pull into my driveway, I gotta go. If I raise my right hand, I gotta go. That one usually causes problems since I hold my dick with my right hand. This is however not what I wanted to talk about, it's just a little info that needed to be told to understand the rest of the story.

There's a medicine cabinet right above my toilet. This cabinet has a mirror on the door. So since I spend so much time pissing this means I spend a lot of time looking at myself. After all the hundreds of hours of looking at myself, I have come to a conclusion and that is.

I am one pretty mother fucker.

The Truth Is Right Here

Let me tell you about my wife Jen. She is a spiritual loving person. She feels no ill will towards anyone and she loves everybody (except for me). She doesn't have a prejudiced bone in her body. She truly believes in giving everyone a chance. If it weren't for Jen I would either be in prison or be with some psychotic slut ass stripper (not that that's a bad thing). She's just fucking wonderful, which drives me nuts sometimes. How am I gonna play Bonnie and Clyde with an actual honest person. If you don't believe what I am saying you can ask Jack (if you can find him) or Zelda or Jethro. They'll tell you I am completely out-classed.

Now the important part. When she sees Obama on TV she tells me that there's something wrong with him. She says he's EVIL. I believe her. I believe her because she doesn't say things like that about anybody. So you stupid fucks are about to vote the devil into the most powerful office in the world. So be ready to be branded with the sign. As far as me, I ain't going down without a fight. Y'all yell "All hail satan". I'll be living in the woods.