Computer Virus

Somehow Jr. managed to give my computer the syphilis. I'll give it some penicillin tomorrow and we can talk then. Plus I'm not getting enough comments. Fuckers.

Keep on keeping on.

A Moment of Silence - The Second One

Don't worry it wont last long. I'm just too mad to put together coherent thoughts.

Counter Monkey Conversations III

I work with a couple of other guys from time to time. My assistant manger, I'll call Sam. Then there's the guy I'll refer to as Pretty Boy, simply cause he's pretty. Sam seems threatened by Pretty Boys good looks but I personally think the female clientele has improved due to him.

The other night Sam and I were working when an older (ancient) black woman with bleach red hair approached the counter. We'll just call her "Old Black Woman". She put her items on the counter and the fun began.

Old Black Woman: "Where that pretty mother fucker that works here?"
Trashman: "I'm standing right in front of you."
Old Black Woman: "Oh you cute but I'm talkin' bout that hot white boy with the light blue eyes."
Trashman:"Oh, you mean Pretty Boy. He'll be here tomorrow."
Old Black Woman: "I take that mother fucker home and lick his ass dry."
Trashman: "I'll be sure and let him know. You have a good evening."
Sam: "I just puked in my mouth."

Counter Monkey Conversations II

The boss lady and I were standing out front the other day having a cigarette. I think we'll call her boss lady. This is what we were talking about. Store brand Twinkies.

Trashman: "You were right about those store brand Twinkies. They're fucking delicious with some ice cold milk. So much better than the real thing. In fact it's like an orgasm in your mouth. I take that back I've never had an orgasm in my mouth."
Boss Lady: "There's nothing wrong with an orgasm in your mouth."
Trashman: "Well I guess they do have that white creamy filling."
Boss Lady: "I like mine with chocolate milk."
Trashman: "You drink chocolate milk with the orgasms in your mouth?"

Keep on keeping on.

I Feel Pretty

Sunday night a cute little gal came into the store to buy some gas. She was a little thick but not too thick and she was pretty as a speckled pup. Plus she had a great rack which was displayed very nicely. I watched her walk back to her car and it was all good. A few minutes later she came back in for a Black & Mild (I'm guessing she's a pot head) I checked her I.D. and she was all of 22 years old. I watched her walk away again and she still looked fanfuckingtastic from behind. Another minute or two and she was standing in front of me again buying a soda. Yet again I suffered the pain of watching her walk away. I don't know what she bought on her 4th trip into the store. All I remember her saying is "Do you want my phone number?" Hell yes I wanted her number. I wanted to tie her up and do dirty things to her until she learned to love me like all the others have. I wanted to coat her in chocolate sauce and lick it all off. I wanted to make her call me Daddy. I wanted to ruin her for all other men. But all I said was "I'm married." She turned and walked out of my store and my life. She is however been stroke material for the last couple of days.

Oh and before I forget.

THAT'S RIGHT MOTHER FUCKERS. I STILL GOT IT. I'M THE MOTHER FUCKING MAN. SHE WANTED A BIG OL' SLICE OF TRASHMAN PIE. THIS OLD MAN CAN STILL REEL THEM IN. I AM THE FUCKING SHIT. YOU LADIES ALL KNOW YOU WANT SOME. But I'm married.

Keep on keeping on.

Another Restaurant Review

Today Jen and I went to lunch. Something we very rarely do, simply because we can't afford lunch and mostly we can't stand the company of one another. That's a joke. Sometimes we can afford lunch.

We stopped in at a dive that I pass on the way to work. Some guys had come into the store one day and told me it was great food, large portions and a cheap price. We were over that way today so we stopped in. The place has been there for about 40 years and I don't think they've redecorated a damn thing in that time. It's dark and dingy. There's animal heads, fish and rattle snakes mounted on the walls. My kinda atmosphere.

Charlie's Steak House
15601 Visions Dr.
Pflugerville, Texas

Jen had the nachos which consisted of 10 tortilla chips with refried beans and frijoles with squares of American cheese melted on them, all topped off with a slice of jalapenos on each one. The cost. $3.25

I had the chicken fried steak which is served with salad, fries (just fries, there's nothing french about them) a piece of toast and cream gravy. Cost. $8.75

Jen says the nachos were O.K. kinda of like you would expect them to make them 20 years ago. As far as my lunch goes, well we all know (if you've read me in the past) I have temperature issues with my food. No issues here. It was all hot enough to blister my mouth. Except for the salad. The ranch dressing was homemade. Good start. The chicken fried steak was homemade. I've had better but it was edible. The gravy was good. The toast was perfect and the fries could have been cooked a little longer. Everything was pretty O.K. up until Jen saw the cracker in the bottom of my water glass. I didn't have any crackers. For some reason I didn't complain. I think it was because there was an ashtray on my table. That's right. You can smoke there. To me that makes it all worth it.

I'll be posting everyday all month. With any luck I'll get my groove back and the post will get better. Keep coming back and reading, don't forget to leave a comment. Fuckers.

Keep on keeping on.

Counter Monkey Conversations

Notice the fine ass on this magazine cover? Sorry for the picture quality it's the best I could do on short notice.

Last night my asst. manager "Sam" and I were spending a lot of time admiring this fine piece of meat. At one point we were standing at the end of the counter next to the bathrooms and having a little dialogue. We were the only ones in the store at the time. We were talking very loudly.

Trashman: "Hey Sam. That's got to be the greatest ass in the world."
Sam: "Yeah that is a beautiful ass."
Trashman: "I would eat that ass like it was pussy."
Sam: "I know man. It's a fucking work of art."
Trashman: "I would eat the shit out of her ass."
Sam: "You have no idea the things I would eat out of her ass."
Trashman: "I would take a miners light and make sure I got every inch of that sphincter. I would wash her guts with my tongue."

That's when we heard the flush in the men's room. Our heads snapped up from looking at the cover to staring at each other like a couple of deer caught in the head lights. I said "Who knew?" I don't know why I said it I just did. Sam busted out laughing and ran in the office. I grabbed my cup and went to the soda machine. The whole time I was telling Sam how nasty he was, let him take the heat. The men's room door opened and a guy came walking out. He didn't look at me, he just stared straight ahead. Sam is in the office howling like a crazy person, I'm at the soda machine watching the guy and the guy ain't looking at nothing but the door. He wanted out. As he opened the door to leave I said "Have a good weekend sir." Nothing. No wave, no thank you, no middle finger, nada. How rude.

Keep on keeping on.