Sunday, August 28, 2005

Mysterious Ways

Religion is a subject that I'm not real comfortable with. I'm not sure that I'm what you would call a good Christian. In fact I've kind of always been pretty sure that I had front row seats in hell. I do know the difference between right and wrong and most of the time I try to do the right thing, not because I'm trying to get in God's good graces, just because it's the right thing to do. I have cheated, lied, stolen, coveted my neighbors ass and other parts of her as well. I've broken every commandment, except maybe for the one about killing (I'll never admit to that one, since there's no statute of limitations). Bottom line is God and I never really saw eye to eye. For a long time I lived my life for the dark side, but I find as I get older that I'm being a little nicer to my fellow man. I don't know if I'm just getting soft or if I'm trying to buy my way through the pearly gates or exactly what's going on. I do know, however there may be something to this whole higher power thing. Not to long ago as most of you remember I was whining about being broke and I was attempting to sell some earrings (which most of you didn't buy). Well things have taken a turn for the better since then.

Let's go back in time a little. A while back I was little better off financially and one of my fellow bloggers wasn't. So I helped where I could and I figured that was that. Then I got into my present financial shape (broke). In fact I got so broke that I was off my medication for a few weeks. Then someone very special sent me the money for a months worth of pills. I threatened to return it but I was told in no uncertain terms that would not be allowed. A couple of days later I received even more money from someone else special. This individual told me they did it in a Christian sort of way. I also know that the first person that sent me money for my pills received some very needed financial help from a unnamed source. I'm not saying God had anything to do with any of this, but it really makes me wonder and I sent thanks His way just in case. One thing I'm sure of is my meds are covered for the four months.

Not long ago I started a remodeling business with a friend of mine. I don't know much about construction. I know people. I handle the phones, the money, and the customers. He handles the work. Before the job starts, I'm in charge, after the job starts, he's in charge. We now both work for another contractor, for even more money than we were making on our own. I'm the foreman. I don't know how it happened, but I make a ridiculous amount of money making sure other people do things I don't have a clue how to do myself. Good thing I learn fast. Once again I chalk it up to the Big Guy upstairs, that or I'm a better con-man than I thought. Either way I'm getting paid. Thanks God.

I've also been questioning my purpose in life a lot lately. I figure it's to entertain y'all. That's the best I can come up with, after all I am a funny mother fucker. Maybe y'all have some idea what I'm supposed to do. Maybe I'll go into the religion business and compete with Tommy. After all much like Jimmy Swaggart I have cavorted with hookers and like Robert Tilton I have shamelessly begged for your money.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

It’s Been A Long Time Since I Rock And Rolled

A lot has happened since I last talked to y'all. For instance my baby boy (T3) got crabs from a stripper and my namesake (Trash Jr) discovered his hard on. I am however most perplexed by the lack of attention my disappearance has generated. That Kevin guy left and got 200 comments, Jay quit and got about 140. I take time off and get 38. What the fuck is that? 38 is an insult, yeah granted a bunch of y'all emailed and checked on me and I really appreciate that, but the rest of you fuckers ain't no good. Next time I disappear I expect at least 80 or 90 comments.

I called Angi and Tommy this weekend, simply because they're on my favorite people list, that and I needed Jeanettes phone number. I called Jeanette, and Inanna was there with her. That was a surprise. I knew she was going on vacation but I had no idea where. The reason I called was because I heard Jeanette was getting married and I wanted to make sure it didn't cut into her stalking time. I need at least one stalker, since the rest of y'all don't seem to care if I'm alive or dead.

Speaking of alive or dead, I didn't take my meds for about two weeks due to lack of funds. I figured I found a way out without pulling the trigger myself. Some very special people got wind of my self imposed slow torturous death plans and gave me the money for my prescription. I don't know whether to thank them or be pissed at them. Just when I thought I was out they pulled me back in. This last paragraph is meant to be taken lightly.

I'm finally wireless so I no longer have an excuse for not blogging. I guess next time disappear it's cause I just don't care. No really. I've been working 10 hour days for the last 19 days straight. I love what I'm doing. I finally found something challenging. That just means, I don't have a clue as to what I'm doing but it's lots of fun.

I bet y'all are really wondering about the crabs, stripper, hard on thing by now. Y'all are some really sick fucks.

This took place at the dinner table the other night. Trash Jr was wondering where his squishy ball was.

Trash Jr: "Where's my squishy?"
Trash: "I don't know where your squishy is, but I know where mine is. Ha Ha Ha."
Trash Jr: "That's sick, besides it's not squishy."
Trash: "Sure it is."
Trash Jr: "No. It's hard most of the time. I even can make it move up and down. I do that and say, Say hello to my little friend."
Trash: " Now that's funny."

Now the part all you twisted perverts have been waiting for. T3 got crabs from a stripper and I watched while it happened.

I was sent to a house to knock some walls out. I had T3 with me, he was my little helper for the day. When we got there, I walked in and found three tattooed, pierced, bleach blondes sitting at the kitchen table. One of them was in the process of moving out. It was her bedroom we were knocking the walls out of. I entered the bedroom and saw about 40 pairs of high heeled shoes and thong underwear everywhere. It was rough working conditions but some how I managed to finish up with out leaving in a fit of disgust. While T3 and I were knocking the walls out the stripper walked back and forth swaying that beautiful as....... I mean carrying load after load of sweet smelling underwea..... I mean her stuff to her car. She stopped to talk to T3 for a minute.

Stripper: "Hi."
T3: "Yo what up bitc..... "I mean he said "Hi."
For a minute I was living through him.
Stripper: "Some one gave me a gag gift last Christmas and I can't take them with me. I was wondering if you wanted them."
T3: "Wanted what?"
Stripper: "These crabs."
T3: "Dad can this lady give me crabs?"
I almost choked on my tongue.
Trash: "Sure son. Tell her thank you."
T3: "Thank you."
Stripper: "You're welcome. I hope you enjoy them."
She carried another load of lacey soft undergarmen...... stuff to her car.
Trash: "You got crabs from a stripper."
T3: "Huh?"

What did you people think I was talking about.

Here's a little something for Angi. I know how much she likes critters.
Image hosted by