Wednesday, September 27, 2006


Through out our lives we are all given choices to make. I chose to stop playing football after 8th grade because I didn't want to play in a corrupt system that would let me get away with the shit I did. Texas football used to be a major deal even in grade school and junior high. Since I no longer played football I had to work for my grades, by that time I had become lazy and had really shitty study habits. I was also used to getting away with things so I tried to keep getting away with them. Therefore I was given the choice of being expelled for the remainder of my senior year or quitting. It was the first time I ever quit anything and that was just because I was leaving on my terms (or so I believed).

Now Trash Jr has to make some of the same choices. He plays football, at least until Friday when he gets his report card. He is failing History. At the beginning of the year I met with all of his teachers and told them this would happen. I told them we could stop it from happening if they would call me when they first saw any problems. My phone never rang. When I asked the teacher why she didn't call, all she said was "In retrospect I see that I should have done that." Fine she has hindsight, but that still didn't answer my question. After asking her why, four different times, I got retrospect four times. Which still doesn't answer my question. I hung up on her so I wouldn't threaten her life or start cussing or some such juvenile white trash thing.

I've tried my best to make sure he doesn't follow in my footsteps. He's smart but I don't think he can walk in my shoes and remain a free man, and I see a lot of me in him. This is not a good thing.

Like I said, choices. I chose to lie, cheat, steal, deal, hustle, con, pimp, rip off and swindle my way through life. I don't want him making those same choices. I want him to be better than me, much like I'm better than my dad. I want him to break free of the white trash shackles. I want to be the last member of my family that embraces my heritage. Once you head down that road it's damn near impossible to find an exit. I found an exit.

I turned my life around. I have car insurance. I attempt to pay my bills. I get up everyday and go to work usually for at least 12 hours a day. I don't have to sweat when I see the cops (but I still do). I work my ass off, hopefully so my children won't have to. Once again these are my choices. But sometimes you have to wonder if you're making the right choices.

Being the phil-os-o-fiser that I am, I've always said that I have no regrets in life, because every choice I've made is the right one. I know they're the right choices because God wouldn't let me make the wrong one (I know it may surprise a lot of you to hear that I'm a god fearing man. Well I was raised in a Southern Baptist Church, nuff said).

I'm starting to rethink my whole philosophy. I'm starting to think maybe I'm just an experiment to God. I'm thinking maybe he gets a good laugh out of me. In fact I think he's sitting on his puffy little cloud right now wondering what he can do to me next.

I've had to move twice since June, my business is going under (quickly), my son decided he wants to be like me, on top of that I'm short, fat, bald and I have a little dick. Not to mention the fact that I’m diabetic which makes me piss like a race horse. My vision is going bad probably due to the diabetes and Macular Degeneration which I inherited from my mother. And I don’t think I’ll ever get that book deal.

I think it's time to make some new choices. Choices that could affect the rest of my life (which is really a stupid statement because all of our choices affect the rest of our lives). Let's just say the title of my blog could become a self fulfilling prophecy.

I know you've all heard the saying "Crime doesn't pay." Well here's a new saying for you "Bullshit. Crime does pay and I think it's time to get paid."

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Nuttin' To Say

I know I've been gone for awhile. Right now my whole world is upside down, but I'm not going to get into that. Instead I'm going to dig down deep inside and try to entertain y'all.

These are 20 things the Trashman will never say.

1. I don't care how fat you get, I love you for you.
2. Welfare? I think it's a great idea.
3. But I don't want a blow job.
4. Michael Moore is a genius.
5. Undocumented workers.
6. George Bush did not lose his mind.
7. We should let everyone come to America. After all aren't we all brothers?
8. Do you have stripper boots in a mans size 11 wide?
9. I'm going to the Dixie Chicks concert.
10. What happened on One Life To Live today?
11. Not tonight I have a headache.
12. Do these pants make my ass look big.
13. Katrina Victims.
14. I don't need a lawyer. You got me, I did it.
15. I'll have the vegetarian platter.
16. Do you have any Jazz music?
17. That guy is hot.
18. That's OK. When I said medium rare I meant burnt to a crisp.
19. Are you up for a game of Dungeons and Dragons?
20. Honey, strap this on, bend me over and make me squeal.

Now I'm going to put three of y'all on the spot. I want to know 10 things you'll never say. Jack, Jethro, and Kim.