Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Dancing with the Devil


Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Used Up

There was a time in my life that I was fairly happy. I could always find a reason to laugh. I smiled more than I didn't. As best as I can figure those times ended about 4 or 5 years ago when i got sick. I quit blogging because my writing turned to shit. I have made my family dislike if not hate me. I take pills for pain that knock me out and when I'm awake I'm cranky from the pain. I take anti-depressants to help stop the rage I feel. I take another pill to intensify the anti-depressant. I take anti-anxiety pills for the panic attacks. I take some kind of heart pill for my diabetes. Oh and I take diabetes pills for .....well my diabetes. I'm also supposed to be on an aspirin regiment to control my bleeding. I don't know why I'm telling y'all this, I guess sometimes we all need someone to talk to. I'm not looking for your pity. I'm just trying to get somethings off my shoulders. I'm trying to lighten the load.

I believe in God in fact I've spent a lot of time praying and I've spent a lot of energy trying to change, to be a better person. I guess I'm not very good at it. As of the 1st I will be evicted. My insurance changed so I don't even know which doctors I can see. My family will be separated from each other for awhile at least until the taxes come in so we can get some kind of apartment.That is if any of them want to live with me anymore. SSI refused to review my case. So no government check. I can't work dues to all the meds and uncontrollable mood swings. I'm stuck between a rock and a bigger rock. When I get angry my mouth runs out of control. I've pushed my family away from me. Especially my oldest boy. I've said some really cruel things to him and now that the rage has subsided I can't get him to talk to me so that I can apologize. Everybody tells me to quit taking the pills but the last time I did that I cut my wrist. But that's a story for a different time.

Anyway I was saying I talk to God. He used to talk back. Used to. Now all I hear are thoughts of death. I think it's the pills. I'm not a weak man. At least I didn't used to be. But day after day it get's harder and harder to ignore that voice that tells me there's only one way to fix things. What stops me is it's selfish. Even though my wife and kids don't like me much I like to think they still need me me, but even that thought gets weaker and weaker. I sleep all day and I'm awake with my thoughts all night with no one to talk to. I've always said to much time to think is a bad thing. I want to do again. Problem is I don't know what to do.It's the middle of the night.So I think. I've never worried about the future. I've never really worried about anything . But this is hard to admit. for the first time in my life I'm scared. I'm scared I've lost my family. I'm scared of my thoughts. I'm scared and I don't know how to fix it.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Something Doesn't Feel Right

Every since I moved back to Texas I've felt out of place. I don't know if it's the town I live in or what. I would prefer a smaller town. Better yet I would prefer to go back to Jersey. I want the slower pace of a small town at the same time I want the energy of a place close to NYC. I'm so confused. All I really know is I don't belong here. The problem is The Wife likes it here and doesn't want to move. For a man that usually has all the answers, I'm stumped. I don't think I'll ever change her mind. Maybe I'll just change wives.

Keep on keeping on.

Friday, November 09, 2012

I'm Still Here

I ain't going anywhere. Just reading some old post and being amazed by my writing skills. Plus I don't want to repeat myself.

Piss up a rope.

Wednesday, November 07, 2012

Morons (or those that voted for Hussein)

You poor misguided fools. If you think the last four years were bad just wait for the next four. It's goning to be all the same shit all over again. He ain't gonna fix shit. He give his pretty little speeches and then not do a damn thing, He should be impeached and then prosecuted for Benghazi.  Lets not forget Operation Fast and Furious. He's quickly running out of people to throw under the bus. Sooner or later he's going to have to take responsibility for his actions. Let's just hope it's sooner before he cuts the military to the point that we get taken over by a foreign country.

Learn Chinese.

Monday, November 05, 2012

Romney Of Course

Just a reminder that a vote for Hussein is a vote for socialist control of America. It's also a vote for Sharia law and FEMA death camps. Not only that if you vote for Hussein you're just a fucking retard.


NoMoPoHo Post number somefuckingthing

I will soon be fitted for a straight jacket. I'm sure of it. Between The Wife going on strike as far as house work, Jr knocking up his girlfriend and T3 busting his head open when he thought he could step out of a moving car. I swear I'm looney tunes. I'm just glad Duck Dynasty is back on. Those rednecks help keep me sane. When I'm watching them I forget the hell that my so called life has become. I love redneck TV. Can't get enough of it. I don't care that most of it is faked reality. Give me some dumbass rednecks on the boob tube (HA I said boob) and I am as happy as..........something that's really happy.

I know my post have not been up to par but I'm slowly working my way back into this shit. I have a couple of GREAT stories lined up and ready but I need to get my readership back up. So put the word out for me. One of the stories will shock and amaze you the other will sicken you and make most of you hate me.

Intriguing huh?

You do you and I'll do you.