Sunday, December 28, 2008

Hope & Change

Barack Hussein Obama (he's not my president) wants to create 3 million new jobs when he takes office. I imagine this is his vision of the future.

Monday, December 22, 2008

A New Adventure In Trashland

I quit the construction business yesterday. I went to my partners house walked in and said "I quit". He took it better than I expected. I've had all I can take of this bullshit. I don't know what I'm going to do, but it's like a giant weight has been lifted off me. How cliche. I felt better last night than I have in a long time. I couldn't sleep once again but this time it wasn't stress keeping me awake. It was excitement. The excitement of not knowing what was gonna happen next.

I am a little apprehensive about paying my bills, but I figured up how much I made on my last 5 jobs and it came out to about $2.00 per hour (little foreign children in sweat shops make more than I did). My partner bid low so we would get the jobs. It's a damn shame we got them. So between that and the fact that Americans are replacing wet-backs outside of Home Depot and contractors are paying the Americans less than they paid the wet-backs (because they can due to the fact that America is doomed). I decided it's time for a new career. I'm better off sitting at home than I am killing myself for $2.00 an hour. I figure after Christmas I'll start looking for a new path. Anything will do. I've been surviving off nothing, so minimum wage is a step up,plus I wont have to work as hard.

I'm going to spend the next few days relaxing and thinking. Maybe I'll figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I know I'm going to clean out the garage and make some kind of home gym for the oldest boy. I have a few ideas about blog posts. So y'all should be entertained a little more. I also have a few ideas about making some money on the internets. You'll be seeing these changes soon. Gonna add some people to the blog roll and probably lose a few. I'm gonna try and change the way I approach life in general. Perhaps I'll try not to be as angry. Nope that will never work. I'll start out not as angry and let it build up instead of just blowing up. Nah. That wont work either. I'll just smile when I'm angry. That will confuse the shit out of people.

So in closing I just want to say Merry Christmas fuckers and keep on keeping on.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

I Know It All

OK peoples here's your answers. I know I'm late but I have good reason. I'm not telling you what they are, but I've got them. I'm not responsible for what you do with my advice. It's up to you to remember that you asked a guy that calls himself The Trashman for advice. Your questions are in normal print complete with misspellings and bad grammar. My answers are in bold italics, spell checked and brilliant.

Dear Mr trashmanHow does one go through life with the experiences you have nad NOT wind up in jail?Charmed

Charmed, I always thought of myself as the hand of God. I never did anything to anybody that didn't have it coming and I never meant any harm to those that were innocent. I like to think it was always my charm, wit, personality and my ability to lie that kept me out of trouble but I'm pretty sure there was some divine intervention. Having a great lawyer doesn't hurt either.

I would like to know When you are available to do some dry wall in my basement.Nightmare

Nightmare, I am available just as soon as you send me the account and routing numbers to your bank account.

I've gotta think of something good.Zelda

Mistress of the Mammaries, make it really good.

I'm a straight up housewife, but now realize home/car repairs are going to fall totally on me. Either I try to find someone to not rip me off to fix things (seems impossible) or I learn myself. Any suggestions where to start? The local community colleges seem to be a rip off on teaching these skills.Liz A,

Liz A, Seeing as you're a housewife I assume you have a husband (see how smart I are).You should see about getting a new husband. There's women's work and mans work. Home and car repairs is mans work. But if you like the husband you gots and he don't beat you none then I would suggest for the home repairs (they thoroughly investigate the backgrounds of their contractors, don't accept first price, most contractors will bargain) and contact AAA for reputable mechanics in your area. Never use the BBB, anybody can join that circus.

I need to convince two guys that it is very important that they start drawing pictures of women's asses. How do I do that?Zelda

Oh Queen of the Biguns, Model for them or lie and promise to show them your tits.

How do you get a big whiny hillbilly from Texas to stop crying about Obama being elected and convince him that it was truly an act of God that brought this guy to the country at this time? And just read your post about the shield- I was so ambivalent about the end. Still can't tell if i like it. However, sons of anarchy kicks ass.Irish

Irish,Texas doesn't really have any hillbilly's and we don't tend to cry (real men don't cry) we usually leave the tears for those mamas boys up on the east coast. I really don't think God had anything to do with satan getting elected to the presidency. So I would say just let him rant and rave while you stand in the background and wish you were him.

Eventually, I'd like to get back to the dating scene again. But it's been a very long time, and I'm now in my 30's. So, how do I go about dating now? Any advice would be much appreciated!Beth

Beth, This is the 21st century it's OK for you to ask a man out on a date or a woman or even a couple, there's no such thing as 3 is a crowd anymore. 3 can be quite the party. I would suggest starting out slow, ask someone you know for casual sex for instance, oh I don't know, me? Even though I take my marriage vows seriously I think I could make an exception in the interest of helping you. We'll call it dating therapy.

I want to know how I can get money out of my daughters dead bead father who is over 23,000 behind in child support and is married to my sister with 2 kids that are "the devil's spawn" and he went to jail and was suppose to pay 2000 toward the back child support but no payment and was let go less than 30 days later and told to go back to court in feb. to prove that he has a job....yeah, like that will work when he has not had a job in the 35 years his pathetic body on been on can this be resolved and me get my money and stay out of jail? BTW, did I mention he is on the FBI child sex offender list?dawn

dawn, Unfortunately there is no hope in ever getting him to pay up. Now I'm supposed to tell you what I would do in this situation. Don't try this at home. I do not recommend you do what I would do. I would kill him. If I was a woman in this situation. First I would find someone that knows someone that could take care of it for me, for instance an ex-pimp. Then I would spend an evening of B&D and S&M and lots of anal with the ex-pimp all on time stamped video of course as an alibi. While a completely unknown to me friend of the ex-pimp rid the world of the waste of oxygen. Like I said you shouldn't do that except maybe for the sex with the ex-pimp. What you should do is ride the ass of the local DA in your ex's county of residence. If you live in a community property state you can go after his wife's money also. You should be able to lien any cars or real estate and if you find the right lawyer you could probably seize any tax returns. You could also notify all his neighbors of the fact he's a sex offender. I'm betting most of them don't know. You would be surprised how many people don't check that sort of thing.

Dear Trashman,How do you stop wannabe east coast tough-guys from tenderly placing their once proud scrotal sacs in the dirty hands of corrupt Chicago politicians?Zelda

Sweet Globes of Grandeur, You don't. You just hope they get castrated.

Dear T, How do I stop my car from overheating? Could it have something to do with my doors not shutting? I'm braindead too. Any advise?Lindy

Lindy, You put water in the radiator every now and then. It has nothing to do with the doors. Braindead huh? Try shock therapy. Should fire the noodle back up.

Trashman,Which is better? Should I martyr myself or get my brothers worthless cousin Huessein to do it?Muhammad

Goat Fucker, I think you, Huessein and his worthless cousin should all martyr yourselves together. Try shoving dynamite up each others asses, light the fuses and see who gets to meet allah first.

Dear Trashy,I've got a problem maybe you can help with. I used to get great satisfaction from reading a blog. It was written by this redneck guy with a very checkered past, and he told hilarious tales which may or may not have been true. He also, from time to time, wrote touching posts with keen insight and feeling. Clicking his link and finding a fresh post was a true joy.What's the problem, you ask? Well, it's this: the guy has kinda been half-assing it. He barely posts at all these days. Some of his posts are on the lame side. It's like he's just going through the motions. I heard this guy has been going through some rough times...job and money troubles, family stuff, loss of a loved I guess he has more on his mind than keeping me entertained with his blog posts. So, am I being selfish? Should I cut him some slack and be glad he posts at all, even though he's just mailing it in? Or should I encourage him to get off his ass and bring his blog back to its former glory? What say you, Oh Wise Trashman?Jack

Curious Jack, Wow that's a lot of question. Let's break it down. You used to get great satisfaction from a blog. I would suggest you try masturbation, it's a whole lot more satisfying.You say this "redneck" sort of fella wrote stories that amused you and made you think. Did you consider since he's a "redneck" sort of guy that maybe all that writing and thinking could possibly be making his head hurt? Now he's half-assing it and just going through the motions. He's lame and he's just mailing it in. Maybe by mailing it in he's trying to do his part to help keep the postal workers employed. Maybe the job and money problems are weighing down on him, maybe it's so much he never sleeps at night anymore. Now he's so tired he can't function well at all. Perhaps the loss of a loved one is hitting really hard during this holiday season, because it's the first season without the loved one. Yet you are only concerned about you and your entertainment. You expect him to keep up this facade just for your enjoyment? You expect him to put on the face of a clown just to make you laugh? It seems maybe he's not the one with the problem. It's all about Jack. Now that being said and taking everything he's going through into account. Personally I wouldn't give the fucker any slack. He's got a job to do and he ain't doing it. Crack the whip.

Sunday, December 07, 2008

Dear Mr. Trashman

I've been sitting here for an hour or so trying to convert inches into feet on some measurements I took of some vanities and back splashes. I need to figure the square feet so I can do a bid. My brain wont work. So right now I give up. Instead I decided to blog, which might be difficult since my brain don't work no more. So I'm up for some brain exercising. I've done this once before a long time ago, and Lois suggested I give up blogging and start a you tube channel giving advice. So I thought I would give it a try again on the old blog here. Plus it will make me use my head and give y'all the answers you need.

Here's what's gonna happen, you my dear readers are going to either leave questions in the comments section or email them to me ( and I will answer them. My answer will be exactly how I would handle the situation. You can ask my advice on any subject, I have the answer. You have one week. I will post the answers next Sunday night. If you want it to be private you better let me know. And if any of you ladies need private counseling just let me know. We'll work something out. ;)

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Big Box Of Done

Well. It looks like I made it. 30 days and 30 post later NoThroSnowMoFoBloPoHoMoJoJoJoDoeGroShoYoCrowThoBroLow is finally done. The angels sing. Now where's my fuckin' prize.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

One More Fuckin' Day

I often wonder if I'm boring. I know I don't do the exciting shit I used to do. I don't tell all my good stories cause I'm waiting on a book deal and why give it away if I can get paid for it. At the same time I look at my comments and I don't see very many. I also check my tracking thingy and I don't have near the number of readers I used to. I know some of the post are boring but November is a bitch. Posting every day can be real difficult. Posting on days when you just don't feel creative truly sucks. I don't want to do the mommy blog thing or the political blog thing or the photo blog thing or this is my family ain't they great blog thing. I much prefer the look at me I'm amazing, entertaining, smart, charming, witty, too good lookin' for words blog thing. I just gotta figure out how to get back there with out giving away too much content for free. I want to retire from physical labor and make money sitting at home writing. or go back to pimpin' either way don't require much effort.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Keepin' Her Happy

One word. Butterball fuckin' turkey. Don't ever buy anything else. They got a pop up timer. It tells you when the bird is done. They're also not like eating a salt block. I bought one today so Jen could redeem herself. I would never tell her yesterdays fowl was fucked, but then again she knew it without me saying a thing. She tried, she really did. She got up early and cooked all day and other than the 10 or 20 trips I had to make to the store for forgotten shit, she didn't require a thing from me. It was a good day, Dallas won. I watched the game between naps. Then dinner was served.

I did the right thing. I ate it. I told her it was fine. She got mad, she knew differently and that means I lied to her. The boys told her it was good. Their lies were bigger. It really was OK. Other than the salty weird textured turkey, the salty gravy, the too brown, brown and serve rolls and the cold (should of been hot) green bean casserole. The corn, smashed taters, carrots, and scrimps were great.

Lets not forget dessert. The peach pie was wonderful and I hear the apple was good too. Jen likes pumpkin, the crust was like chewy glue. She just couldn't win. An angry Jen is not a good Jen. Luckily the Christmas tree is going up today. That makes Jen happy. A happy Jen IS a good thing.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Three Times

It's that time again. Time for my annual things I'm thankful for or things I'm thankful for not having.

I'm thankful
1. That at least once a year Jen knows her role. She cooks and I watch football between naps.
2. All the girls I've loved before.
3. The price of gas has gone down.
4. The little briefs moments of silence between my kids arguments.
5. That it's still a little while before the devil is sworn in as President.
6. I'm not a Detroit Lion fan.
7. For Jell-O
8. For Jen fetching me a Jell-O
9. For spoons
10. For my right hand.
11. That I still have some teeth.
12. For mirrors. (I need to look at me)
13. For tater smashers. (Jens arms would really hurt if she had to smash taters with a fork)
14. For Sonics cherry lime aide.
15. For all the things I can think of for this list.
16. That NoMoPoHo is almost over.
17. For Vicodine (almost forgot)
18. For naps.
19. That some of y'all comment. (the rest of y'all need to work on that)
20. That this is the end of this list.

Happy Thanksgiving to everybody out there that didn't vote for Obama. A very special Happy Thanksgiving to those that actually voted for me. And to those that voted for Obama. Thanks for bringing about the end of the world.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Leave A Message

Hello. You have reached the Trashman. I can't come to my blog right now. I'm unconscious. I had the stitches ripped out of my mouth today and I took a handful of pills. If this is an emergency, too fuckin' bad. I'll be back tomorrow. If you don't read me tomorrow, you suck but Happy Thanksgiving anyway. Please leave a comment after the beep. BEEEEEEEEEEEP

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

The Shield

Tonight is the final episode. Part of me is glad it's over. My heart can't take it. I'm left on the edge of my seat at the end of every episode not to mention the cliff hangers at the end of the season. Always wondering how Vic Mackey was going to get himself out of his latest mess. Another part of me wants the show to last forever. For the same reasons.

Vic Mackey is a lousy cop. Which means he's a cop. They're all lousy, except for Jack. Jack is the ONLY clean cop I know. Not that I know a lot of cops. But I would venture from the headlines that there's not a lot of clean cops.Vic is as corrupt as a guy can get. That's actually one of the things I like about him and one of the things I can't stand about him. Cops should be clean. They're held at a higher standard and they should live up to it. Vic Mackey however is as dirty as............. something really dirty. He deals drugs. He beats up prisoners. He forces confessions. He kills other cops. Every bad thing he does is done to clean up the streets, sort of. He believes he does it to make the world a better place and I'm sure some of it does make the world better. But you can't justify killing cops. Killing the cop happened early on in the series, he did it for self preservation. I can almost understand that. I can't condone it but I can understand it. In fact I think that's the only really bad thing he did.

I like Vic Mackey. He was my fuckin' hero. Or he was until he sold out Ronnie on the last episode. He got to carry a gun and do whatever he wanted to do. It's a damn shame he dies tonight. I don't know if he really dies or the series just dies. I just hope they don't have the fade to black Sopranos end. I'm hoping for the everybody shoots everybody else Reservoir Dogs ending. One thing I hope happens is Vic gets Shane. I hope he kills that redneck idiot. This series wouldn't be ending if Shane wasn't such a fuck up.

There are a few others I would like to see 86'd on tonights episode.
Claudette (I can't stand this holier than thou bitch)
Aceveda (He sucks dick then has the guy with the dick killed, but hates Vic. Hypocrite)
Dutch (Serial killer in the making, also likes Vic's sloppy seconds, needs killing)
Corrine Mackey (Vic's wife. Turned on him. Bitch ain't no good.)
Mara Sewell- Vendrell (Shane's cunt wife. Total waste of oxygen)
Fuck why not kill them all. They could set off a nuclear bomb that Jack Bauer didn't find.

The show starts in 10 minutes so I'll probably know how it ended before anybody reads this. If you're nice and leave a comment maybe I'll tell you how Vic survives.

Shane killed his wife (Mara) and kid before blowing his own head off. (I called this 2 weeks ago)
Aceveda is going to be elected mayor.
Dutch killed a 16 year old serial killers mom and blamed it on the 16 year old.
Corrine went into witness protection to hide from Vic.
Ronnie was arrested and will be sent to prison.
Claudette has lupus and will die the slow painful death she deserves.
Vic got his immunity deal and will sit behind a desk for three years, basically he's in his own version of hell.

It was one of the worst endings I have ever seen. What a fucking disappointment.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Last Supper

Tonight my oldest hit me with a question from left field. Actually it was a two part question. He's always asking me weird shit but this was some of the weirdest. I guess it's his age, I hope it's his age. I'd like to think he's not one of those strange kids. Anyway he asked me, if I was on death row what would I want for my last meal and how would I want to be put down. I thought that would make a pretty good post. So I'm gonna tell y'all what I told him. "What the fuck is wrong with you, why would you ask me some fucked up shit like that? Dude you're fucked up, isn't it time for you to go to bed. You need some fucking therapy. That's fuckin' twisted. Really that's some fuckin' sick ass shit. Did I drop you on your head as a baby?"

Just kidding. Here's what I told him.
Green salad with ranch dressing
Fried shrimp
Stuffed crab
The biggest Kobe rib eye steak available - medium/medium rare
Prime rib - medium/medium rare
Stuffed peppers
Asparagus smothered in butter
Smashed potatoes
Sauteed mushrooms
Onion rings
Fettucini Alfredo
Biscuits and gravy
Two eggs over medium
Banana pudding
Black Forest cake
Peach cobbler
Bluebell homemade vanilla ice cream
A cup of coffee with Carnation Irish Cream creamer
A class of Borden Dutch chocolate milk
and wash it all down with a gallon or two of sweet iced tea.

After all that, if you can lift my fat ass, stand me up in front of the firing squad and pull the trigger.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

My Weekend

Crazy weekend. Texas Tech lost. Dallas won. True Blood had their season finale. I have a black eye from the dentist, plus I'm living on Jell-O and Vicodin. I want to post about the series end of The Shield but I'm not coherent enough. Thank you Vicodin. Built some earrings tonight. Maybe I'll mail them this week. We'll see. My bed is calling me. Gotta paint a house tomorrow, hopefully it's the last job like this I do. I'll try to do better tomorrow. I know this is not interesting but I want to stay in the running for a prize.

Keep On Keeping On.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Sexy Beast

People magazine named Hugh Jackman as the sexiest man alive. That's fuckin' funny. First off who names their kid Hugh? What if he's a small guy? How will he live up to the name Hugh? Why not name him Large or Big? And the last name Jackman. When you think about it, his name means large masturbater. How did he survive childhood? Plus he's from Australia. There's nothing sexy in Australia.

I know they left out part of the interview. I happened to get my hands on it. So here we go.

2008's Sexiest Man Alive sat down with PEOPLE's Elizabeth Leonard and Julie Jordan to reveal his deepest secret.

EL & JJ: What was the first thing you did when you found out you were named sexiest man alive?

Hugh Jackman: I looked in the mirror and couldn't see what they saw. I couldn't believe they had picked me. Do they not know The Trashman? That's who they should have picked. He's far better looking, has more talent and is a much nicer guy than me. I mean if there ever was a sexiest man alive, then it's definitely The Trashman. Even Brad Pitt wishes he were that pretty.

Maybe he's smarter than I thought.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Eating Jello

I had some more teeth removed today. I don't know who hurt me more, the dentist or his assistant. I figure if I get 2 more removed, I can lose the shirt, wear overalls, get a cap that says "party nekkid" and move back to the trailer park. Things are looking up even if I can't grow a mullet.

I had the laughing gas. They need to get it checked. I think it went bad. I never laughed.

My teeth are bad due to past drug use, I guess I should have listened to momma. One good thing about the dentist is I got a BIG bottle of vicodin. They're even extra strength. I figure if I work the dosage just right, in 30 days I could be a full fledged junkie. There is another option though. Which reminds me. Does anyone know the street value of vicodin?

Thursday, November 20, 2008

I'll Make You Famous

Today we discuss Michael/Andrew from the University of Maryland at Baltimore. His IP address is . We shall call him Biff. I think Biff is more of a college name, and since his real name is neither Michael or Andrew then Biff will do just fine. Biff doesn't leave an email address or a blog address.

Biff has attacked me in my comments. He first used the name Michael when I posted this. He started using the name Andrew with this post. I don't have a problem being attacked. The problem I have is Biff attacked my wife and children.

Biff seems confused. He referred to me as "right-wing Christo-fascist racist, homophobic trash". Lets break that down, right-wing meaning I lean towards the conservative side of life. That would be wrong, conservative I ain't. I do believe in The Constitution and owning guns and all that shit but conservative, never. Christo-fascist. Well since he capitalized Christo it seems like he maybe a Christian himself. Racist. We all are to an extent. Homophobic. This one is laughable since in a later comment he made remarks that perhaps I was engaging in homosexual acts with my sons (only a truly sick person could come up with something like that) it seems like he may have problems with the queers. I am one of their biggest supporters when it comes to gay marriage. Which would also prove I'm not right-wing nor Christo-fascist nor homophobic. The only part he got right was racist trash and I'm not really that racist. I don't dislike skin color. I just dislike behavior and most of the people that behave a certain way all happen to have the same skin color. Now that we have established that Biff doesn't know what he's talking about lets discuss why he chose to attack me and more importantly my family.

I believe Biff has attacked my family because he is jealous. Perhaps Biff wants to be like me. Maybe Biff has no family and never will. I'm not going to say he's to ugly to find a mate because I've never seen him. I know he's an angry person so maybe that's why he'll never procreate. Maybe he pushes everyone away with his anger.

I know he has said some really foul things about Jen and the boys. Three innocent people. Why attack the innocent, Biff? Why? Couldn't you just direct your anger at me personally? Is it because you know what you say about me is ineffective? So instead you attack innocents? Does it make you feel good? Does it make you feel like a big man? Do you puff your chest out and say "I'm a tough guy"? Well Biff, are you a tough guy?

Maybe you attack me because I'm a high school drop out and you're a college dude and yet I have more talent in my pathetic little dick than you could ever hope to have coursing through your veins.

Have you ever been anywhere or done anything, Biff? Or have you just always lived with Mommy and Daddy? Is that it Biff? Are you to scared to leave the nest? Are you afraid to try things so you sit behind your computer and read about other peoples lives and pass judgement on them?

You attack people that don't agree with you politically. Seems like that would make you a rabid liberal. You are so happy to conform to what the liberals want, you're ready to sell your soul to the government. Anything so that Big Brother will take care of you. So they will keep you safe. So they will control your life. So you don't have to make any decisions. So you can sit in front of that monitor and live a false life and anyone that doesn't conform to you ways must be "right-wing Christo-fascist racist, homophobic trash". Are you angry because I don't conform Biff, angry because I believe in free speech?

I do believe in free speech because I could block your IP. I could delete your comments. I'm just going to let you keep on commenting, because of free speech and every time you attack my family you prove how ignorant you are. Every time you attack my family you show the world what true Obama supporters are like. Pathetic, scared, cowardly little people.

The whole problem Biff, is that I track you. I know when and what you're reading. I know you've never read my archives. So you don't really understand. I've had two contracts on me, yet I'm still here. See Biff, you're pissing off the wrong guy. Say what you want about me, it's like water off a ducks back but talk shit about my wife and kids. Well that's like poking a sleeping grizzly with a stick. Don't wake the grizzly Biff.

This is an invite to Biff. Email me . Do you have the balls Biff? Are you going to continue to hide? Step out into the light Biff. The truth shall set you free.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Evil Incarnate

On November 5th 2008 the Illinois Lottery numbers for the pick 3 were 6-6-6. It has happened several times in the state of Illinois. Records reveal it has happened four other times this year. In 2008, the combination has appeared more often than any other similar sequence like 1-1-1 or 9-9-9. The downtown zip code in Chicago is 60606. Drop the zeros and once again you have 6-6-6.

November the 5th was the day after Obama won the election. Obama was a state senator in Illinois. Things that make you say hmmmmm.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Cherry 2000

I'm pretty and smart. I however got cheated on 2 things, lots of money and a really huge dick. Therefore I made adjustments. Charm, wit, personality and my only talent.



This was done with my tongue and teeth. You will notice no real damage to the cherry stem once I tied the knot. That's right I tied that knot with just teeth and tongue. I am the motherfuckin' master. Since I like to hear myself talk (after all I am fuckin' funny) I can keep my lips and jaw moving for hours and my tongue too. I can provide testimonials if need be. Ladies the line forms at my front door. Be sure you bring your checkbook.

I don't want to hear a damn thing about picture quality. I was rushed.

Monday, November 17, 2008


I haven't worked in 3 months. Fortunately Jen has 2 jobs which has kept our heads above water. Sometimes we slipped below the surface but we always manage to float back to the top. There just hasn't been any work since the economy took a shit. Jen wanted me to take some time off anyway to try to get a little healthier. She was right. My work is really physically demanding and it was taking it's toll on me. Not to mention the stress of dealing with the idiots that wanted their shit fixed or remodeled. I always wound up bringing work home at night and the customers would call at all hours and even on weekends. Usually with a stupid question. Like if the paint they want will match the tile they want. Right. I can see through the fucking phone. Plus the fact in order to win the bids, we had to bid low, which means we weren't making much money. And our last customer ripped us off for about $5000.00. So there was plenty of stress. My business was killing me. Literally. Other than being broke for the last 3 months, I've been pretty stress free, except for the fact my mother died. So I'm finally getting to a pretty good place. I'm dealing better with mom, I'm not dealing with customers, I'm getting some rest, and I'm getting to spend more time with the boys.

Now the dilemma. Bids are rolling in again. My partner is WAY behind on all his bills and really needs this. Unfortunately he's bidding the jobs so low there is no way we're not going to win most of them. I've tried telling him several times I want out. I've tried being real nice about it. I even told him today I was done. No ifs ands or buts about it. I'm done. His response "It's all I've got. What time do we have to start that tile job tomorrow?" I can't go back to doing this shit. I'm better off working at Blockbuster. Hell, I would even make more money once you figure out the hourly rate of the pay I made working for myself. He can't sell the jobs. He hates people and it shows. I can because I'm a master at this shit, but I want the fuck out. I don't ever want to see another tool again. Unless I'm just piddle fucking around with something I want to do for myself.. In fact I want all the tools out of my garage so I can set up a gym for my oldest child. I might even get in there myself and try to get back into shape (for you ladies of course).

Jen has told me time after time she just wants me healthy and happy again. If I'm working in this job I will never be either. She wants me out also. My partner has always been there to help me when I needed it. What the fuck do I do? On one hand I owe him and on the other is my health, sanity and family.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

The Unholy Trinity.

I have more proof that since Obama won the election that evil has gotten stronger. My twin brother (the EVIL one) went to visit a monastery this weekend. There was no lightning, no bursting into flames, no plagues, no rivers turning into blood. Nothing. Evil now has so much power it can go anywhere it wants to. Obama is the beast controlled by the devil. The devil is the beast controlled by my brother. Obama, the devil and my brother. The end is near.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

The Seinfeld Post Again

I got nuthin. I racked my little pea brain all day and this is all I got. It's not like y'all are gonna read it on the weekend any way. Try back tomorrow.

Friday, November 14, 2008

I Warned You

I told you once Obama won, things would start to change. It's already started in the banking world. Seems a bunch of banks want to do business with the muslims. This is the fucking proof. Read it if you want to, or turn a blind eye to the muslim take over. It's your neck. I'm shopping for more guns.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

17 Left

So much for more comments. Now I'm posting every day just to stay in the running for a fucking prize. Actually I got a good one for tomorrow, but I'm running short on time for tonight. So until tomorrow you'll just have to suck on this one.

Remember comments. Even if it's a big "Fuck you Trashman".

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

18 More To Go

See that thing over on the right. The one that says "click the can". That's a link to my cafe press store, it's got some political shit in it. Go buy some while you can. The election's over and I'll be replacing it soon. I don't know if you're aware of the fact that political stuff goes up in value over time. Plus it will be worth even more when y'all decide I need to replace Nobama as supreme ruler. I will be adjusting the prices so that I only make .01 cent per item. So don't think I'm going to be getting rich of this shit. Buy, don't buy it doesn't matter to me. I'm just giving you a chance at a piece of history. Now you can own memorabilia from the greatest Presidential candidate of all time.

Also. I better start seeing more comments.

Sorry I didn't have anything better tonight. You try doing this shit every day.

Comment. NOW.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

19 More Post Left

This video was offered to me by my doppelganger (evil twin) to help me fulfill my PoHoThoBlo obligations. I submit this video as proof that comedic genius runs in the family. Even though my brother made an innocent (HA) video of a snake dining on a mouse. I say it is much more. It is a prophetic look at the next four years in America. It represents what Obama (the snake) is going to do the American people (the mouse). I know you're wondering what is so funny about a snake eating a mouse. That part is the evil that courses through my brothers veins. Every time I watch it I hope this time he won't get eaten. For those of you that can't stomach the death of one of Gods little miracles, the funny part starts at 1:08 of the video. So, stay to the end and have a laugh. With Obama in office there won't be too many more of those.

Yes I realize it's Veterans Day. Thanks to ALL the veterans, including me.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Staying Cool

In the Texas heat there's nothing quite like a shade tree.

Not only am I pretty, I'm fucking funny.

Sunday, November 09, 2008

Mom, Apple Pie & Baseball


You can't get more American than "The Trashman".

The blackout on the eyes is to make sure I'm not recognized by the Feds.

Have you ever seen so much pretty in one place?

Saturday, November 08, 2008


One thing you can say about G-Dub, he was not in the shit business. He didn't give any and he didn't take any.

Obama on the other hand is a different story. It amazes me how fast the Russians threatened us, they even accused us of destroying the worlds economy. The fucking Arabs did that with the oil prices then the speculators didn't help with the futures market. North Korea wants a sit down. All the different terrorist organizations are willing to deal with him as long as he shows them the proper respect. Obama is going to kiss some muslim ass.

President Bush would have told them all to lump it. Yep, it would have been his way or the highway. Which it should be. We ARE the last of the super powers.

Obama's going to pull out the troops and cut military spending. Then he's going to bow to the will of everybody out there that wants to pull his chain. America is dead and gone. It's just a matter of time.

Let me know when y'all are ready for me to take over.

Friday, November 07, 2008

Simply The Best

Sometimes I think I'm not arrogant enough.

Thursday, November 06, 2008

What's It Gonna Be?

Who would of ever guessed that my blog would create some intelligent back and forth in the comment section. Certainly not me.

Anyway today's subject. Racism. We're ALL affected with it. Me, you, everybody. White, black, brown, red, yellow, stripped, it doesn't matter. Everybody is a fucking racist. Even me, believe it or not. And I'm going to prove it.

You have two neighborhoods. They are identical in every way. Same income levels. Same crime stats. Same houses. Same stores. Same parks. Same trees. Same lawns. Same cars. Same everyfuckingthing. They are mirror images of one another. They both have one empty house. These houses are for sale for the same price. They both have the same floor plan because they're identical. Here's the kicker. One of these neighborhoods is all white and one is all black. Which one are you going to move into?

Answer honestly. If you're black and you say the white neighborhood or you're white and you say the black neighborhood you're a lying mother fucker. Whites will move to the white hood and blacks will move to the black hood. And that my friends is racism. I don't want to hear any of your liberal psycho-babble about people being natural drawn to people like them. Bullshit. Black people move to the black hood because they don't trust or like the white man. White people move to the white hood because even though they're identical, the property values are higher in the white hood.

As for me. I don't want to live in either place. I'm moving to an island with a bunch of sex starved Victoria's Secret models.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

What Have You Done?

He has ties to the PLO. He has ties to the Weather Underground. He listened to Rev. Wrights hate filled rhetoric for 20 years, that is until he decided he needed to rule the world. He's a socialist. He's a muslim. He's the anti-Christ. He made a faux-pas (more like a Freudian slip) when referring to the 57 states. His wife said she could finally be proud of her country, so I guess we used to embarrass her. He did fuck up and say "my muslim faith". I could go on and on, I just don't have the energy. One more thing. If anyone says this election wasn't about color (especially anyone black) they're full of shit. There was dancing in the streets of Harlem last night. All anybody could talk about on TV was the history making of finally "A Black President". When I went to pay my insurance today, the first words from my black female insurance agent were "So how do you feel about the election?" I refused to answer. Why give her the satisfaction? She must have already decided I'm in the Klan. I am white after all?

He ain't my president. Y'all elected him. Y'all deal with him. When the world goes to shit and you need saving, you need to tell me I was right first.

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

The Results Ain't In Yet

If I wait for the election results I will miss my deadline for the HoBloMoFo thing. I'm not going to mess this up for anything, so y'all will have to wait until all the votes are counted to read what I have to say.

Instead tonight I want to talk about my favorite subject. Me. As most of you know I have diabetes. Due to this I piss a lot. In fact I told the boys one day that my life was one big piss with little breaks between. Lots of things make me piss. For instance the phone. If it rings I gotta go. Anybody that calls me knows this. When I pull into my driveway, I gotta go. If I raise my right hand, I gotta go. That one usually causes problems since I hold my dick with my right hand. This is however not what I wanted to talk about, it's just a little info that needed to be told to understand the rest of the story.

There's a medicine cabinet right above my toilet. This cabinet has a mirror on the door. So since I spend so much time pissing this means I spend a lot of time looking at myself. After all the hundreds of hours of looking at myself, I have come to a conclusion and that is.

I am one pretty mother fucker.

Monday, November 03, 2008

The Truth Is Right Here

Let me tell you about my wife Jen. She is a spiritual loving person. She feels no ill will towards anyone and she loves everybody (except for me). She doesn't have a prejudiced bone in her body. She truly believes in giving everyone a chance. If it weren't for Jen I would either be in prison or be with some psychotic slut ass stripper (not that that's a bad thing). She's just fucking wonderful, which drives me nuts sometimes. How am I gonna play Bonnie and Clyde with an actual honest person. If you don't believe what I am saying you can ask Jack (if you can find him) or Zelda or Jethro. They'll tell you I am completely out-classed.

Now the important part. When she sees Obama on TV she tells me that there's something wrong with him. She says he's EVIL. I believe her. I believe her because she doesn't say things like that about anybody. So you stupid fucks are about to vote the devil into the most powerful office in the world. So be ready to be branded with the sign. As far as me, I ain't going down without a fight. Y'all yell "All hail satan". I'll be living in the woods.

Sunday, November 02, 2008

November 2nd

The McRib is back. It should be called the McMiniRib. It's more expensive and only half the size it used to be. You better get it while you can. If Obama gets elected it will only be a matter of time before pork is outlawed (because he's a stinking muslim). If pork manages to stay legal then Obama will want you to buy one and split it with somebody else (because he's a stinking socialist). Gotta share the wealth.

Saturday, November 01, 2008

Happy Birthday Mom

Today is Granny Grunts birthday. She would have been 81. She always loved attention on this date. She would start to remind her co-workers at least a month in advance, usually by saying "My birthday is on November first. I don't want a party or any special attention." They skipped it one year. After all the hell she raised they never skipped it again.

So today we threw her a little party. We sang and had cake. You can't tell by the picture (she never smiled much) but she had a good time. That's her in the party hat. Doesn't she look like she's having fun. I had to blow out the candle for her.


I'm doing the NoMoBloHo thing again this year so I'll post every fucking day. Show some love. I'll be watching y'all.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Scary Stuff

Well it's that time of year again. This is when I regal you with one of my tales of terror. This year is going to be different. Instead of a story from the past I'm going to tell you about something frightening as hell that's going on as we speak. That's right the Presidential election and the fact that America will soon be controlled by a muslim. Before all you faggoty liberals start thinking I'm a McCain supporter let me clarify that. I'm not. I believe Palin has no business being President and she would be, if McCain were to win. He's too old to survive the presidency. So sooner or later Caribou Barbie would be in charge.

Back to the scary story. Obama is going to win. That's scary enough. But there is something I need to show y'all.

OSAMA BIN LADEN. Take the "S" in Osama and change it to a "B". All you have to do is add a straight line to the front of the "S" and complete the loop at the top and you have a "B". Now you have OBAMA BIN LADEN. I know it may seem goofy, but I ain't finished yet. Now take OBAMA BIN LADEN and lose the letters "NLA" and you're left with OBAMA BI DEN. Well just push the "BI" over to the "DEN" and now you have OBAMA BIDEN. What about the "NLA", you ask. They're still there. They stand for "No Longer America" which is what we will be after Obama takes over. I just tied Obama to the super muslim.

Face it. Obama is a fucking muslim. I don't care if you think I'm just another cracker, trailer dwelling, racist, bigot, inbred redneck. Obama is a fucking muslim. My hate for him has nothing to do with the fact that he's less than 10% black. HE'S A FUCKING MUSLIM. I'll vote for a black man. Put Judge Joe Brown on the ballot and I'll vote for him. So see it has nothing to do with skin pigmentation. It has to do with handing our country over to our enemies. Yes, all muslims are our enemies. I can prove it. Muhammad fucked goats. Now every muslim in the world wants me dead. See. Enemies.

You see what's going to happen is shortly after Obama takes over is there's going be talk of incorporating "Sharia" (Islamic religious law) into our law. Some will want our Constitution amended around it. Before you call me crazy, do some research. You will find that this is taking place in countries all over the world including Great Britain. First the muslims get one of their own into public office (President of the USA is the ultimate public office) then they slowly and methodically change things to fit their way. Before you know it we all will be running around in sandals wearing robes and turbans and bowing seven times to the east.

So if you love mom, apple pie and baseball. If you love your country. If you have any level of intelligence at all. Vote for anyone but Obama. There's lots of people to vote for (write in Trashman). Don't let white guilt determine your vote (you have nothing to feel guilty for). For my black readers, don't vote for him because he's black, he's only 10% black, you'll be voting for 90% something else. If none of that stops you from voting for Obama then there's no hope for someone with your level of stupidity.

Fuck Obama. Fuck Biden. Fuck Bin Laden. Fuck muslims. Fuck anybody voting for Obama/Biden/Bin Laden/muslims. And fuck the goat fucking Muhammad.

I am the banana nuts in Jens muffin top.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Common Not So Cold

First things first. I want to say thank you to all the people that commented, emailed, called and sent tuna cheese casseroles (it's a southern thing). Having friends like y'all helps.

Now on to the subject at hand. Anybody that knows me well, knows that I love me some COLD drinks. So cold, that my teeth hurt when I take a sip. So cold, I get instant brain freeze. As cold as something really fuckin cold. When I prepare my icy cold beverages the first thing I do is over fill the glass with ice. Then I pour in the liquid of choice and let it melt some of the ice. Now if all goes right I have a nice cold tasty beverage. Lately not all has been going right. My ice doesn't work anymore. It doesn't matter where I get the ice from either, it's not just my homemade ice it's all ice I come in contact with. My drinks ain't cold. I've been forcing Jen and the boys to taste my not so cold beverages (and I don't drink after anybody including my wife and kids). I'm trying to prove my drinks ain't cold. They think I'm crazy. I think they're part of the conspiracy. I just want something cold to drink.

Maybe I'm in hell and I want ice water.

Sunday, October 05, 2008

Heaven Or Hell?

Y'all know I'm not a secrets kind of guy. I'm not looking for sympathy either. I'm writing this more for me than anything else. I'm hoping by saying some things out loud it will help me to get past some things and accept others. So here goes.

I've sat down several times to write this post but I've never been able to finish it. I'm not sure you'll even read this. I'm really surprised at how hard I've taken this whole thing. My mother and I have always had a different outlook on death. We both always considered it as a part of live. There's no used in getting upset, life goes on, blah, blah, blah. Yet here I sit, torn up beyond belief.

Right now she's in the top of my closet. The plan is to spread her over a blue bonnet field next spring. She loved blue bonnets. She loved gardening, bird watching, reading, and eating. She gave up each one of these things one by one. We should have seen it coming, but nobody noticed. That's part of my guilt. I didn't notice. That, and I didn't visit as often as I could and should have.

I find it hard to leave the house. I have panic attacks when I do. I want to be alone but when Jen and the boys are gone the panic sets in. I've been having weird chest pains, not the heart attack kind, just a strange kind of I'm gonna start crying kind of thing. Don't worry I'm not gonna cry. It just feels like I am. I have had some moisture in my eyes, but I think it's from the cigarettes.

Right now I have a garage full of memories. I sold some of them this weekend, I need to get them out of here. It's funny what reminds me of her. Water for instance. She always had a bottle of water with her every where she went, Now when I see one, I think of her. I'm not trying to forget her. I just don't want to be bombarded with memories. It's already hard enough.

I thought she lived life to the fullest. She was never afraid to try anything. She did it all when I was a kid. We spent a lot of time on the river. She went tubing, canoeing, dam sliding and even swung on a rope into the water, all after the age of 50. She continued to enjoy these activities with her grand children when she was in her 60's. I always thought she should wear a giant "S" on her chest. She was super in my eyes.

I just found out this last week that she had a weakness. It seems that when she was a small child a Southern Baptist preacher got into her head and filled it with hell fire and brimstone. According to a reliable source she thought her life was one big sin and the older she got the more she worried about it. She was afraid of going to hell. The reliable source also disclosed the fact that her arthritis was far worse than anyone knew. She said that the pain in her neck was so bad that if it wasn't for the fact that she would go to hell, she would take a handful of pills and end it all. This coming from the most anti-drug individual on the planet. She suffered severely for the last three years. She suffered so bad she wanted to die. She wanted to die but she couldn't end the pain because she didn't want to go to hell (I guess she didn't want to see my dad again).

I guess when food got boring, a deeply buried part of her brain saw a way out. She slowly starved her self to death. She went out one of the most painful ways possible. Even at the end when the nurses tried to feed her she would grit her teeth. My last phone call to her, the nurse told me she was calling my name and when she wasn't doing that she was crying. I didn't want to talk to her but the nurse poured on the guilt so I did. She begged me to come get her, but for once in my life I was helpless to do what she asked. Sooner or later I'll pay for that, she'll see to it. At the very end she was calling for her sister and her mother and father to come take her home. I'm glad I wasn't there.

The part that confuse me is that all my life she told me she wasn't to sure there was a God, because if there was and He was the loving God that He claims to be then He wouldn't let the bad things that happen, happen. So I wonder since she questioned the existence of God is that why she suffered so bad, or does shit just happen, or is she right about God not existing. Where is she now? Or is she? I believe in God, after all I have seen the devil. If there is a devil then there is a God. I just wonder why she had to suffer to the point that she wanted to take her own life.

I've heard it all. God works in mysterious ways. Sometimes when God answers your prayers, the answer is no. God has a plan for us. Well I don't buy any of it. I think God stuck us on this rock floating in space and He spends His spare time laughing at us. That's if He even remembers that we're here. If God were the loving God that the bible speaks of then she wouldn't have suffered. She wouldn't have had to starve herself to death. It makes me question His existence.

The really wild thing is that my older brothers checked their dad and our mom into the same nursing home on the same day. Their dad died at 5:30 am and our mom died at 6:44 pm on the same day. Checked in on the same day and checked out on the same day. Now as bad as I feel I have to wonder how bad they feel. Both parents on the same day. They have been divorced for 38 years. They haven't seen each other in at least 22 years. Now they get put into the same old people storage facility on the same day (they didn't know about each other being there). Then they die on the same day. What are the fucking odds? You got a better chance of winning the lottery.

I been writing this post for about four hours and it's beginning to look like y'all may actually get to read it. I had to stop a few times and go smoke a cigarette, funny how smoke gets in your eyes. Doesn't really make a difference in the grand scheme of things. Jen's been wanting me to talk to someone about my feelings. Problem is I only have one feeling and I just talked about with y'all. Plus it didn't cost $75.00 an hour.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

I'm Sorry Mama, I Cleaned Out Your Closets.

We placed Granny Grunt in a nursing home a couple of weeks ago. I cleaned out her apartment Thursday. My brother was coming from Iowa to see her, possibly for the last time. He was too slow. She died when he was about 2 hours from her. I was almost back to Austin with her belongings. He drove to Round Rock and we went back up to Ft. Worth on Friday to sign the papers for her cremation and one last look. It was the first time in 25 years that all 4 of her sons were in the same room. It will also be the last, we're not close.

Nov. 1, 1927 - Sep. 18, 2008

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Just Some Stuff

I got an 8 ball and 3 hookers for my birthday. Not exactly the ones I was looking for but I still got them.

I dodged a bullet this week. A short time ago Jen and I got into some freaky aquatics and due to the water some necessary safety precautions were not taken. I was sweating for a couple of weeks. Until yesterday. Jen informed she could not get into the pool due to her visitor. I did the happy dance.

I was watching the boys jump from the trampoline into the pool. That shit looked like fun and since I was in a celebratory mood I decided to give it a try. Once again I have secured my title of SUPER IDIOT. I attempted a move called a preachers seat. If preformed properly it causes a better splash than a cannon ball. It was fun until I hit the water. Since the pool is only 30" deep I hit the bottom not long after breaking the surface. I landed dead on my ass (I don't really have any ass to land on).My head, back and arms still hurt. Oh and my legs are still numb. So much for maturing.

Today I stepped out the back door on the job site. The home owner is the idiot that built the back deck that I will be rebuilding at the end of the job. The door is about 2 feet above the deck, now I've stepped out this door a thousand times but this time something happened that has never happened. Due to the shitty workmanship and the complete stupidity this guy suffers from when it comes to construction when my foot hit the deck a board snapped and the step no longer was a 2 foot drop. It became a 3 foot drop. If my legs were not already numb from my attempt to fly yesterday (and the Vicodin I took) I imagine I would be in a lot more pain right now. I'm pretty sure I at least tore some ligaments in my foot. As far as the ankle goes it could be broken or sprained. Don't know and thanks to Vitamin V, I don't care.

I've lost about 40 pounds since I've developed this condition the doctors can't figure out. Which is a good thing. Unfortunately I believe it's all muscle mass. My strength is about half of what it used to be. I can live with it as long as I stay pretty.

On night last week I woke up with a case of night terrors. I was completely paralyzed I couldn't even scream. And I really wanted to, because the devil was standing in the corner of my bedroom. Now I ain't skeered of nothing but that dude spooks me a little bit. This isn't the first time I've dealt with him. Anyway he was standing there smiling at me and he said "Trash, I'm coming to get what's mine. Real soon." Then he was gone and I could move again. I rolled out of the bed onto the floor, got up and went to take a piss and get a drink and then I went back to bed. Three days later I woke up and a black scrawny arm with a huge hand and long skinny fingers with claws on the end was reaching across the bed, coming at me. It jerked back under the bed when I sat up. I got up, took a piss, got a drink and went back to bed. Jen says I was dreaming. I know what I saw.

I love defenseless animals, especially in gravy.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

.44 Caliber

All I want for my birthday (today) is an 8-ball and a hooker. I bet I don't get either one of 'em. This is also my blogiversary. I don't remember if it's 3 years or 4 years, either way, YAY me.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Washed Up Has Been

Yep. That's me. And like most ex-rock stars I'm writing this in a Vicodin stupified state. It didn't take me long to reach this point in my life. I was happy living in obscurity, then Jack intorduced me to the world of blogging. Overnight I became a rockstar. I liked it. But fame is fleeting. What I'm trying to say is my party is canceled due to lack of interest. That and the city of Austin wants $529.00 from me for working without a permit.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Just Wondering

I've been without the internets for a little over 2 weeks now. It finally came back on Saturday(right after I ordered internets from AT&T and went out and bought a DSL router). My internets will be permanent by Thursday after that I will have to struggle for an excuse not to blog. If need be I'm sure I can come up with something.

Maybe some of y'all what frequent the chat rooms can explain some things to me. For instance when you type LOL are you really laughing out loud? Or when you type ROFLMAO, how can you type if you're rolling on the floor? Did you lose your ass before you hit the floor or are you on the floor because of something some one said? Are you on the floor because you lost your ass and can no longer sit?

I'm thinking about having a little soiree (that's party for you uneducated types). It would be an open invitation for anyone that reads this blog. I'm thinking late July between my birthday and Trash Jrs birthday, around the 26th of July kinda killing two birds with one rock. Nothing definate yet. But if you're interested let me know ( so I can figure the cost. Kids welcome. I have a small pool for the kids and plenty of movies and games. Of course the party would be mostly a celebration of me.

Tomorrow I'm going to talk to the DA about my little "working without a permit" ticket. It could be a fine up to $2000.00, afterwards I may no longer have a job. It all depends on how the home owner takes the news that he's paying for it.

That's all I have for now.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

I'mmmmm Baaaaaaaaaack

Well I've decided to continue this blog. Seems as hard as I try, I'm not a quitter. I really tried too. I was surprised at the lack of responses to my threatening to quit. Some of y'all asked me to stay. Some said do what I wanna do. All I know is when Jay and Jack quit, you fuckers had all sorts of hissy fits. Y'all suck. Part of my decision is due to the fact that I ain't got much to do this week so I might as well entertain the not so masses. I got red tagged on my job (the city shut me down for not having permits and they gave me a ticket for $2000.00 also). The home owner is in Portugal so I can't even tell him. Boy is he gonna be pissed when he gets back and doesn't have a new kitchen. So now I have to figure out what to write about. Let's spin the wheel. We have a winner. Women, chicks, broads, bitches and hos.

I love broads. I love the way they smell. I love the way they look. I love the way they feel. I love their soft skin. I love their curves. Tall, short, thin, big, doesn't matter. I can usually find something to like about them. Between 18 and 80, blind, crippled or crazy and if they can't walk I'll drag them. Actually I have an eye for the younger girls but I find myself looking at the older broads (my age) lately. I know it sounds weird but I consider women my age to be old, I guess it because I don't feel as old as I am. Due to arrested development I stopped aging in my mind at the ripe old age of 16.

I especially like the crazy chicks. The more issues the better. Daddy issues are my favorite ones. If she calls me daddy I'll be putty in her hands. Jen knows this about me and she tolerates it. I'm not sure she's OK with it, I think she just puts up with it. I know why she does. I'm the catch of the century. No women is ever gonna get any thing better than me. That much I'm sure she knows, I remind her every day.

Any way I'm going to give you of list of women I want do dirty things to.

1. Jamie Pressly: The ultimate white trash chick. I love her.
2. Eliza Dushku: If I nailed her I would turn into a pile of dust because all the liquid in my body would shoot out my dick.
3. Jessica Alba: I dig me some hot Latin lov'in.
4. Billie Piper: Blonde and an English accent. Her first line in Secret Diary of a Call Girl is "I'm a whore."
5. Stephanie Courtney: Progressive Insurance lady. It's all in the heavy make-up.
6. Nicole Ritchie: Not the new skinny version. I wants the old Nicole.
7. Britney Spears: Number one in crazy and in my pants too. She defiantly has issues.
8. Jens boss: I would tear her up, put her back together, then tear her up again.
9. Elisha Cuthbert: I would turn the girl next door into the slut next door.
10. Devon Aoki: Me love her long time.
11. Brittany Murphy: That mouth. That voice. I'll be right back. Something I need to touch.
12. Pam Anderson: I realize she's contagious, but if it was offered to me I would have to take my chances.
13. Lois Griffin: I would put a hurt'in on her if I was a cartoon. She's such a tramp.
14. Kim Kardashian: That sweet sweet big beautiful ass.
15. Kat Von D: She could play with my tattooed gun anytime.
16. Geena Davis: As Samantha Caine. I'd let her kiss my long good night.
17. Hilary Clinton: I'd fuck this bitch cross-eyed. Just cause I know she's never been touched by a man.
18. Rosie Perez: I love me some Puerto Rican poon.
19. Eva Mendes: I likes the Cuban cootch.
20. Most of the cast from Girls Gone Wild: Half naked young girls and lots of them. I'd ruin every one of them for other men.

That's just the short list. It's just a wish list of sorts. I know a lot of these girls have issues of one sort or another. But my list is based on the physical not the intellectual. Lets face it, if my list was based on smarts there wouldn't be very many qualified women. HA. I crack me up.

Until next time, remember:

Calling an illegal alien an undocumented worker is like calling a drug dealer an unlicensed pharmacist.

Sunday, June 01, 2008

The End?

It's been awhile. I hope y'all noticed I was right about the FLDS. Two courts overturned the rulings of the judge that said CPS was right. In other words the CPS did NOT have any reason for seizing the children. The CPS did NOT see any signs of abuse. All they had was a lot of speculation. second guessing, rumors and their own sick thoughts, oh and an overwhelming desire to control people. That's what government is all about. Just remember first they go after the FLDS, next will be the Baptist, then the Catholics, and don't forget the Jews.If they get away with this shit it will be one group after another, and it will all start out with "they're molesting children". Once those words are spoken everybody assumes you're guilty, no proof needed. The government said you're a pervert, it must be true. Enough of me being right. AGAIN.

I've been busier than... something really fucking busy. Which I guess is a good thing. It would be anyway, if I could make some money at this shit. Well at least it helps keep the bills paid. Maybe someone out there can explain to me why you'll pay a mechanic $75.00 an hour to keep your car running, but the guy that's going to fix your house is supposed to work for fucking free.

This post is fucking boring. It's all I got right now though. I could tell you more pimp stories or a story about a friend of mine that was almost shot down by the USAF when he flew over Crawford, Texas. I could tell you about a run in I had with some satanist one night in a graveyard in the swamps on an island off the coast of Georgia. I could tell you about the night I saw a guy get his brains blown out the side of his head. I could tell you about a trip I made to Virgina so a friend of mine could shoot the guy that was harassing his wife. I could tell you about drug sniffing Chihuahuas. There's tons of exciting stories I could tell. I could tell you about robbing a drug dealer. I could tell you about the robbery I masterminded, the victim owned an alarm company. But I'm not going to.

Nope, I'm thinking about retiring this blog. I find that I have to force myself to write. Not sure why. I find myself parked in front of the TV a lot. There's nothing on, I don't really pay attention to anything anyway. I just don't have the energy to entertain y'all. Things just don't seem the same as they were back in the days of my rock stardom in the blog world. It's probably because I don't write as much as I used too. So y'all don't read as much as y'all used too. It's a never ending circle.

My mind is not on my blog as much as I would want it to be. I guess it's too much worrying about the future. The housing/building bust has not hit Austin as hard as it's hit the rest of the country but it's getting there. So I don't know how much longer I'll be in business. Jen's job ends on Sept. 29th. Don't know what's gonna happen after that. Then there's the cost of gas. Jesus fucking Christ on a cracker. The big oil companies along with the muslims in charge of the oil are slowing (or quickly) destroying America from the inside. Gas prices are going to shut down our economy completely. People are gonna just sit there and do nothing. Like the sheep they are. Our government has trained it's citizens well. Sit by and do nothing everything will be OK. The government said it so it must be true. It's things like this that keep me angry.

So I sit here pissed off wondering what's next.

One good thing happened. My youngest (T3) received the Presidential Award for Academic Excellence. The bad thing is it was signed by George W. "Fuck the American People" Bush. Now before you conservatives get pissed and you liberals star celebrating. I feel that way about ALL politicians. Republican, Democrat it doesn't matter, it all comes down to the fact that they are all fucking scumbags. Nuff said. I'm sending my blood pressure through the roof.

Trashman out.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

FLDS or American Injustice

I’ve been waiting to post about this for awhile. I wanted to see how things played out before I opened my big mouth and brought the attention of the government back on to me. Well they’ll be looking at me again. The government doesn’t like when you question them or disagree with them. I tend to do both. That’s why I’m on their kook list.

I know a lot of you will disagree with me on this but I don’t really care, cause in my world the only opinion that matters is mine. This post is going to seem kind of rambling at times. I can’t seem to put my thoughts in any kind of order today but I still need to say it, so here goes.

This time the government has certainly over stepped their bounds. They’ve raided a religious sanctuary and stolen 462 children from their mothers. Here’s where some of you candy asses say “but Trash, they were saving the children from sexual abuse”. Last I heard there needed to be some kind of proof of abuse to take kids away from their parents. I realize the police received a call from a “16 year old girl” saying she was raped and beaten by her 50 something year old husband. With this information they got a search warrant. A warrant that should be null and void since the phone call was actually placed by a 30 year old “African American” woman from Colorado that is known for placing bogus calls to the police. I know that even though the call was bogus if the police saw something illegal going on they could do something about it. They didn’t see shit.

What they did find was some pregnant 13 year old girls. I can find those in any middle school. They found some kids that didn’t know who their daddies were and a whole lot of half brothers and sisters. I can find that in any ghetto. They found some young girls married to old men. Hell this is the south, that sort of shit goes on all the time. It gives me hope to find a new bride when Jen finally gets tired of my ass. Plus it’s part of their culture. I know it’s not really the American way but it seems to be their way.

I could go on and on about what the government has done to the FLDS in Eldorado, Texas. The bottom line is it's just another case of the government going run amok They didn't know what was going on on the ranch and they were not in control of the people out there. So they did what they had to do. They used the first opportunity to get onto the ranch and take away the children. Now they're in control.

The FLDS lived on a ranch until the feds surrounded it, then it became a compound. It's an old government trick to call things a compound because it makes the average citizen believe something ominous was going on. For instance The Branch Davidians houses became a compound when the feds surrounded it, also Randy Weaver lived on a compound the minute the feds surrounded his cabin and murdered his wife.

The powers that be have not proven any wrong doing on the part of the FLDS so they were wrong in taking the children away from their mothers. They were wrong for entering the ranch in the first place but that, I can understand due to the phone call they received from the crazy bitch. The minute they found out the call was bogus the children should have been returned to their mothers. I can understand them wanting to keep everyone separated from the men folk until they were sure there wasn't any forced marriages or any girls to young to be married getting married. But the women are not guilty of a damn thing. This is where you say "but Trash the women are guilty of not leaving and keeping their daughters in danger." Wrong again. These women grew up in the FLDS, they've been in it for generations, they don't know any other way or life.

The do gooders have jumped on this calling the girls victims and the boys future predators. They obviously have not heard of the Lost Boys. If you don't want to read the link the short version is as boys approach manhood the are chased off so they won't be competion for the old dudes when it comes time for the girls to marry. They are basically excommunicated (if thats what Mormons do) and left to fend for themselves as homeless young men in Salt Lake City. What I want to know is why are the girls victims and the boys predators. I would think that if this is really going on all the children would be victims. Victims of Warren Jeffs but not victims of their parents.

Time for the recap.
1. Pregnant tennagers
2. Who's my daddy
3. Half siblings
4. Supposed abuse, but no proof

You can find all the same things in any high rise tenement ghetto building in every major city in America. The difference is the government controls the people in the ghetto They do this through welfare and other entitlement programs which makes up 80% of the American budget. They however did not control the FLDS and they can't stand that. Now they have the children so they have the control.

CPS has shipped the children all over Texas to foster homes. Lets assume there wasn't any abuse going on (innocent until proven guilty) and all the children are returned to their families, I'm betting after being in the foster care system alot of the children will no longer be able to say they weren't abused. The courts are allowing the mothers visitation (seems like maybe the children weren't in any danger). What I want to know is how are these mothers supposed to drive the hundreds of miles in some cases to visit their children for a short period of time before being whisked away again and dear old mom is sent packing. Hell that sounds like abuse to me. Abuse of people by their government. Nothing new there.

If the government wants to go after a religion why don't they go after Scientology. Why don't they sweep into every middle school in the country and take all the pregnant teenagers away from their parents. Hey if you don't know who the daddy is maybe they should take those kids away too. Shit I forgot about the DNA samples they took rom everybody, you can't tell me those wont wind up in a government DNA database. Oops forgot the polygomy too. Who cares if these guys have more than one wife. I think it's amazing they could put up with that much drama.

No matter how this plays out. Abuse or no abuse. The government has started the ball rolling. A ball of total control and they wont be happy until that ball rolls over the entire American population. They will accomplish this as long as we let them continue to take innocent children away their innocent mothers.

UPDATE: Here are a couple of links to the crazy phone call lady that some of you were asking for.

1. Crazy bitch
2. Crazy bitch again

Sunday, April 06, 2008

Enemy Mine

I don't know how many of y'all keep up with the news, particularly the news on the muslim community. But unless you've been living in a cave or under a rock, I don't know how you could have missed the big hoopla about the anti-muslim film made by the politician from the Netherlands. It seems those poor bastards have a really large muslim community and Geert Wilders is trying to do something about it. If you want to see the film, Jethro has a link to it on his blog.

The film shows muslims committing acts of violence against real humans. I say real humans because muslims have proven time and time again that they are not human. No feeling, caring, person with any kind of conscience could perform these acts against another person. Someone with any kind of love for another person couldn't fly a plane into a building. A person with a heart could not cut off the head of a bound and screaming victim. These are acts committed by animals. Barbaric, cave dwelling animals. Not humans. Don't get me wrong I really wouldn't have a problem killing another person either. But if I were to kill somebody it would be in self defense or perhaps an act of vengeance against someone that had harmed one of my family. It would not be slow and painful, it would be quick and as pain free as a .357 magnum can be. Do you realize what kind of beast you would have to be to saw off someones head while they're screaming?

The muslims kill because their so called "god" told them to. Allah has told them to kill all non-innocents. Muslims are innocent of everything, all other religions, especially Jews, are not innocent. They'll kill you if you speak out against the muslim religion, they'll kill you if you draw pictures of their prophet Mohammad but most importantly they'll kill you for not being muslim. They want to rid the world of all non-muslims. The muslim religion is about nothing more than world domination. You can hear their imams preaching about on a daily basis, just watch the news.

The muslims have set up dummy charities in this country so that the liberals can donate money and said money can be filtered and fed into terrorist organizations so that they can kill us by using our own fucking money. They're crazy but they ain't stupid. There's nothing more dangerous than a smart murderous animal and it seems that the muslims have cornered the market on them.

The one thing that give the humans power over the animals is the ability to reason. Animals are lacking in that and so are muslims. You can't reason with a zealot. They believe what they believe. And the muslims believe we should all die. Not just an ordinary death either, but a death full of pain and torture. A slow, miserable, horrible, painful, ghastly death preferably in front of our loved ones, before they suffer the same fate.

Bottom line is war has been declared on us by the muslims. They will not stop until we are all dead. Muslim is muslim, there are no peace loving muslims. Muslims are taught by their Quran to hate all non-muslims, to them we are lower than dog shit on their shoes, maybe that's why they are offended when someone shows them the bottom of a shoe (see, no reasoning). I say if it's war they want, then lets give it to them. I know we are already fighting them in Iraq and Afghanistan, but we wont win those battles (you can't win a war when the politicians are involved). I'm talking about the kind of war where entire cities and towns are wiped out. Men, women and children, it doesn't matter because they are all the enemy. Maybe they're not old enough to pick up a gun or carry a bomb on a plane, but believe me they are in training. From the day they are born they are trained to hate us with a passion that can't be matched. Eventually they will be able to pick up that gun or board that plane with a bomb, and they will do it because from birth they were being prepared for that moment. So lets stop it now.

I realize I sound like a zealot myself. But I'm not saying let's kill them because they don't believe in our God. I'm saying, let's cut off the head of the hydra. I'm saying, THEY declared war, THEY started this fight, let's end it and the ONLY way we can win it, is to fight their fight. You can't win another mans game if you don't play by his rules, and the muslims don't have any rules. There are rules to war, rules that we follow. They don't follow any rules. It's a losing situation for us. How can we ever win if we have to get permission to shoot back? We can't.

There is a new mosque in town. That's right, the beast resides in Round Rock, Texas. They are housed in what used to be a Baptist church. It happened over night. I drive T3 to school everyday down the same road. One day, Baptist church the next, mosque. They are spreading through out our country slowly and methodically. They are preparing to attack us from within and most of our population is sitting on their hands with their eyes closed, oblivious to the danger. Not me. I'm preparing for battle. When the shit hits the fan, I plan on being untouched by the turds.

Keep on keeping on.

Monday, March 31, 2008

Mondays Mini Memoire

Y'all know how I feel about these meme things I hate doing them. This is the last one I'm gonna fucking do. Until next time. You can blame Nightmare for this one.

Here is the rules.

1. Write your own six word memoire.
2. Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you want.
3. Link to the person that tagged you in your post and to the original post if possible so we can track it as it travels across the blogosphere.
4. Tag at least five more blogs with links.
5. Leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play....

1. Women love me. I know it.
2. It's posted.
3. The link is up top.
4. Zelda Charmed Mo Irish Christina
5. Answer me damnit.

Keep on keeping on.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008


Tonight I was digging around through my shit looking for some tapes (cassette) that my spiritual advisor had sent me a long time ago. I finally bought a tape player and I wanted to hear some good old fashioned screaming from the pulpit. I found a tape marked with my dad's name and the year 1977. I listened to it. Somethings should just be left alone.

My dad was not much of a talker, but his friend sure was. The tape was 15 minutes of music taped from the radio and 45 minutes of a drunken discussion at our kitchen table.

The tape recorder was one of those old Panasonic doodads that you had to push 2 buttons to get it to record (in mono). There's a lot of back ground noise (some little girl) and lots of static, so it made it real hard to understand a lot of it. Like I said my dads friend really liked to talk so it was mostly him. At one point he's bitching about some land he's getting cheated out of and then my dad remarks "Well . He won't enjoy the land if he ain't here. Tell me what he looks like and I'll kill him for you."

Later on his friend is telling some lie about a race horse he used to own and how he turned down a $33,000.00 offer on the horse (the price was verified by his wife that he repeatedly referred to as MaMa) in Fredricksburg after a win. The "bookies" busted up his Jockey real bad so the next day a different jockey rode the horse and threw the race after a 15 length lead. After that his brother sold the horse for $600.00 because some fellers of the Italian persuasion made him an offer he couldn't refuse. At which point my dad said "That's just like all sports now days. They ain't sports no more, it's all business and it's controlled by the nigger mafia."

Finally his friend gets ready to leave and my dad says he wants to send some "elk" steaks with him. This is the only point where I hear my mother on the tape (she being the good obedient wife didn't dare open her mouth while the lord of the manor was holding court, but being a gracious hostess she did say goodbye after fetching some "elk" steaks and a beer for the road for the visitors). The kicker is the "elk" was really horse. One of my dads friends (Wayne) in San Angelo had fallen victim to the old "my refer unit broke down and I need to sell this beef cheap before it goes bad scam". Wayne had a walk in freezer in his ranch house and had bought several sides of "beef". When he showed it to my dad (one of the original scam artist) and told him the story my dad informed Wayne that he had not gotten a good deal on "beef" he in fact over paid for horse meat. Wayne owned several bars so he and my dad concocted a giant bar-b-que and charged people for the privilege of eating bar-b-qued elk. People talked about how great the "elk" was for years.

When my dad sent "elk" home with his friend, you can hear me on the tape.

Trash: "You gave your friend some of that horse meat?"
Original Trash: "That's not horse, it's elk."
Trash: "Wayne said it was horse."
Original Trash: "Don't listen to Wayne, you can't believe a word he says."

I knew better. As a child I had the ability to keep my mouth closed and my ears open. I listened to my dads conversations all the time. I heard them plan the bar-b-que.

What gets me is I was never surprised by anything my dad said on the tape. It didn't shock me to hear him offer to kill someone (it wouldn't have been the first or last time he took a life). I was unfazed by the nigger mafia remark (look up racist in the dictionary, you see that picture? that's my dad). I defiantly was not surprised by the fact he lied about the "elk" he had been doing that for quite some time.

Nope. What got me was the fact every time I heard his voice, I shrank a little. Until I was that scared 12 year old boy sitting quietly in the corner hoping to go unnoticed. Hoping he wouldn't look in my direction and if he did see me, hoping he was in a "good" mood. Waiting for him to suddenly turn angry over nothing. Friends, no friends. It didn't matter if anyone was there or not. If dear old dad decided you did something wrong then your ass belonged to him, until he either got tired or bored with you. It always started out with a verbal berating and if you were lucky it ended there, but there were lots of times it didn't. While I listened to that tape all I could do was pray, and hope this time God was listening.

Keep on keeping on.