Wednesday, June 11, 2008

I'mmmmm Baaaaaaaaaack

Well I've decided to continue this blog. Seems as hard as I try, I'm not a quitter. I really tried too. I was surprised at the lack of responses to my threatening to quit. Some of y'all asked me to stay. Some said do what I wanna do. All I know is when Jay and Jack quit, you fuckers had all sorts of hissy fits. Y'all suck. Part of my decision is due to the fact that I ain't got much to do this week so I might as well entertain the not so masses. I got red tagged on my job (the city shut me down for not having permits and they gave me a ticket for $2000.00 also). The home owner is in Portugal so I can't even tell him. Boy is he gonna be pissed when he gets back and doesn't have a new kitchen. So now I have to figure out what to write about. Let's spin the wheel. We have a winner. Women, chicks, broads, bitches and hos.

I love broads. I love the way they smell. I love the way they look. I love the way they feel. I love their soft skin. I love their curves. Tall, short, thin, big, doesn't matter. I can usually find something to like about them. Between 18 and 80, blind, crippled or crazy and if they can't walk I'll drag them. Actually I have an eye for the younger girls but I find myself looking at the older broads (my age) lately. I know it sounds weird but I consider women my age to be old, I guess it because I don't feel as old as I am. Due to arrested development I stopped aging in my mind at the ripe old age of 16.

I especially like the crazy chicks. The more issues the better. Daddy issues are my favorite ones. If she calls me daddy I'll be putty in her hands. Jen knows this about me and she tolerates it. I'm not sure she's OK with it, I think she just puts up with it. I know why she does. I'm the catch of the century. No women is ever gonna get any thing better than me. That much I'm sure she knows, I remind her every day.

Any way I'm going to give you of list of women I want do dirty things to.

1. Jamie Pressly: The ultimate white trash chick. I love her.
2. Eliza Dushku: If I nailed her I would turn into a pile of dust because all the liquid in my body would shoot out my dick.
3. Jessica Alba: I dig me some hot Latin lov'in.
4. Billie Piper: Blonde and an English accent. Her first line in Secret Diary of a Call Girl is "I'm a whore."
5. Stephanie Courtney: Progressive Insurance lady. It's all in the heavy make-up.
6. Nicole Ritchie: Not the new skinny version. I wants the old Nicole.
7. Britney Spears: Number one in crazy and in my pants too. She defiantly has issues.
8. Jens boss: I would tear her up, put her back together, then tear her up again.
9. Elisha Cuthbert: I would turn the girl next door into the slut next door.
10. Devon Aoki: Me love her long time.
11. Brittany Murphy: That mouth. That voice. I'll be right back. Something I need to touch.
12. Pam Anderson: I realize she's contagious, but if it was offered to me I would have to take my chances.
13. Lois Griffin: I would put a hurt'in on her if I was a cartoon. She's such a tramp.
14. Kim Kardashian: That sweet sweet big beautiful ass.
15. Kat Von D: She could play with my tattooed gun anytime.
16. Geena Davis: As Samantha Caine. I'd let her kiss my long good night.
17. Hilary Clinton: I'd fuck this bitch cross-eyed. Just cause I know she's never been touched by a man.
18. Rosie Perez: I love me some Puerto Rican poon.
19. Eva Mendes: I likes the Cuban cootch.
20. Most of the cast from Girls Gone Wild: Half naked young girls and lots of them. I'd ruin every one of them for other men.

That's just the short list. It's just a wish list of sorts. I know a lot of these girls have issues of one sort or another. But my list is based on the physical not the intellectual. Lets face it, if my list was based on smarts there wouldn't be very many qualified women. HA. I crack me up.

Until next time, remember:

Calling an illegal alien an undocumented worker is like calling a drug dealer an unlicensed pharmacist.

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