People magazine named Hugh Jackman as the sexiest man alive. That's fuckin' funny. First off who names their kid Hugh? What if he's a small guy? How will he live up to the name Hugh? Why not name him Large or Big? And the last name Jackman. When you think about it, his name means large masturbater. How did he survive childhood? Plus he's from Australia. There's nothing sexy in Australia.
I know they left out part of the interview. I happened to get my hands on it. So here we go.
2008's Sexiest Man Alive sat down with PEOPLE's Elizabeth Leonard and Julie Jordan to reveal his deepest secret.
EL & JJ: What was the first thing you did when you found out you were named sexiest man alive?
Hugh Jackman: I looked in the mirror and couldn't see what they saw. I couldn't believe they had picked me. Do they not know The Trashman? That's who they should have picked. He's far better looking, has more talent and is a much nicer guy than me. I mean if there ever was a sexiest man alive, then it's definitely The Trashman. Even Brad Pitt wishes he were that pretty.
Maybe he's smarter than I thought.