Saturday, July 17, 2004

Happy Birthday

On this date in 1964, three not so wise men (Larry, Moe, and Curly) arrived in a small Texas town. They stopped at a service station to inquire as to the location of the hospital. When  the attendant, Bubba Joe asked if someone was sick or hurt. Moe replied "No, we were following that yonder star." Bubba Joe asked "You mean the really bright one in the north?" Moe said " YOU IDIOT. That one over yonder in the west." Curly added in " You see tonight a baby was born and we must find this baby to bring him gifts." "Yes." Larry said, "This is a special baby and we have special things for him." Bubba Joe said " Let me get this right. Three dudes following a star bringing gifts for a baby. So this must be the second coming of Christ." "Not at all." Moe said " Christ was the son of God. This baby is an asshole." Curly said " You see, all assholes must have certain things. We bring these things for this child. I bring a bad attitude and Moe brings conceit and Larry brings opinions, lots and lots of opinions. In fact he brings an opinion for everything and we will deliver these gifts so that this child has the ability to be the best asshole he can be." With that they climbed back into their 1959 Edsel Villager station wagon and finished their journey. These not so wise men arrived at the hospital and bestowed upon the child the gifts of bad attitude, conceit, and opinionation. The child was cursed.
 
This my story and in future post I will tell you more of it. I make no apologies for the things that I have done or probably will do. I have no regrets because if I had not lived the life I did I would not be the wonderful person I am today. I have lived on both sides of the law. I have had regular jobs and not so regular jobs. Although I've never done a bank job. I have had to leave town because of the police and also because of the good guys. I am going to change the names to protect the guilty (yes, they are guilty). I have been coast to coast and border to border in this great nation of ours. I've done it all and I've seen it all. Now I'm going to tell you all about it. Maybe someone will learn from this. I may ramble from time to time, I make no claim at being a writer, I just find my life to be interesting.
 
Forty years later I have a wife, I love with every ounce of my being and two of the most wonderful children you could ever hope to lay eyes on. My wife has stayed with me for 11 years through all my bullshit and ignorance. My children bring me untold happiness. I don't tell them or show them enough how much I love them.
 
Now tell me Happy Birthday and leave me alone. I'm going to spend time with my family.



22 comments:

Jack said...

Happy Birthday, bro.

Wait...you're forty?? Christ, you're old.

Grace said...

I read Jack's blog with him being your online Star leading the masses to the birth of your blog.

He lays claim that you really are an asshole. An ugly one at that. Which is probably Jack-speak for he has a crush on you in a girlie kind of manly way.

He seems like a decent man so you must be by association. But I'm sure people said that about the uni-bomber and Ted Bundy as well so you can take that comment for what it's worth.

Cheers

nita said...

for an ignorant asshole, you seem to understand what's really important. you go. have a great birthday. and you're not 40, it is the first day of your 41st year on earth. my husband dropped that one on me. i, too, prefer ignorance on most occasions :) bon anniversaire!

fleece said...

Happy Birthday Trashman, did you like the gifts they gave you? :)

Leese said...

happy birthday,

Inanna said...

Feelin' the love yet Trashman? I loved the intro and I'm looking forward to more.

Rita said...

Ahh, the Trashman cometh . . . looking forward to more entries of intrigue, adventure and excitement.

Jay said...

fuck you, i'm not telling you shit you damn beggar.

glad you're here. it's now 3 texas boys against a sea of harvard/berkley yuppies. score's finally even, i'd say.

Sara said...

Nice blog JM. Welcome to the club.

April said...

Looking forward to more...and happy birthday

David said...

Greetings, congratulations, happy birthday...

"the police, and also because of the good guys"?

I'm confused...

Welcome to the fold.

Justin said...

Who you callin' a yuppie, Jay?

Welcome to the goddamn fold, Trashman.

Jay said...

son, if the label fits, wear it proud.

Jamie said...

So far so good, looking forward to more. Happy 19th aniversary of your 21st birthday. Now that is a reason to celebrate!

Inanna said...

It just dawned on me that Trashman was the name of the dude in Stephen King's novel The Stand.. the one that comes back from somewhere with the nuclear shit and is dying from radiation poisoning and blows everybody to smithereens.. nice name though.. I'm linkin' ya even if you have this completely feminine lookin' pink and blue shit.

Jack said...

Wow. It sure did get dark all of a sudden.

tracy said...

who turned the lights off?

Martine said...

One weekend not online and I miss out on baby blue and pink.. my luck! Anyway hope you have had a good birthday and I am looking forward to more posts.

Katrina said...

Happy Birthday, guy! Don't let Jay get to you, he's jealous and worried that you're going to steal all of his women!

Vadergrrrl said...

FA-Q Asshole..... just joshin lol
Happy late birthday.

Its great to see your blogging, welcome to the family. Sounds like you have a lot of stories to share, and we are happy to hear them.

Life is stranger than fiction...... eh?

xxxxooooooo

Trashman said...

I thank every one for visiting. The baby blue and pink had to go. Thanks Jack those colors were serene and kept me calm. But now I have a newer angrier color.
I read a lot of blogs on here and really enjoy most. I just hope I can give back.

Kevin said...

Happy Birthday.