Sunday, July 24, 2005

Busy Busy Busy

I've been real busy this last week. It's given me a lot to talk about, unfortunately it's kept me away from my one true love, this blog. I start a new job (sort of) tomorrow. It's quite a ways from here and it's 10 hour days, so I don't know when I'll get back on here.

I got a call from a guy tonight, he lost a couple of guys and he's working on a government contract, so he has to be done by the end of the week. I'll be working for him for the rest of the week, hopefully this will turn into more work.

I lost four jobs this week due to lack of respect (not mine, theirs). Two people didn't call back, one bitch didn't show up for her estimate, and one low-life mother fucker gave me the job until the next day when I showed up to start, then he told me his partner went with someone else for a higher price. I asked why he didn't call me before I drove 30 miles and his lame-ass excuse was "I lost your number." Neat fucking trick since we did business over his cell phone, which was hanging on his belt. Luckily my partner pulled me to the truck before I hit the mother fucker. The whole way he was whispering in my ear "We don't have bail money." That's why I call him JC (Jiminy Crickett) he's my conscience. I call him before I do anything I think might be the least bit ignorant. Which is at least six times a day.

So in the very near future I will be doing a post about respect, then I have one planned for education reform, and another about religion. I realize religion is a touchy subject, but I have been questioning my own mortality quite frequenting lately, what with getting old and all. Reverend Tommy has set me straight on a lot of things, but each day I come up with more and more questions. I want to be 100% about things before I croak.

I asked for a laptop or new tattoo for my birthday ( I have expensive taste for a broke fuck). I got a cake and a couple of cards, then I went down and got myself a new laptop. Well, it will be mine if I make all the payments for the next three years. Woo Hoo. I think I finally have it all set up and running right. JC is also my computer guy, he came over and fixed things as I fucked them up. What a friend.

So, that's kind of where I've been this week.

Saturday, July 16, 2005


Well, it's finally here. The day you've all been waiting for. Trash Day. Now you don't have to read anymore notes at the bottom of my posts, asking for cards, gifts and dirty underwear. Today I turn 41 and my blog is officially one year old.

Over the last year I have told you about the day I was born, my perverted neighbor, why I chose the name Trashman, and my oldest boys miraculous birth. I have shared with you stories about our move from Phoenix, my views on women, my wet dreams and scaring myself with my own tattoo. I wrote about Jen getting pregnant and losing the baby. I discussed with you the smell of ass sex, dumping my dead friends body (he really wasn't dead), being attacked by an evil ventriloquist dummy and having my life on the line (somehow I avoided getting killed). I've announced my bid for the presidency. I told you about the time an ugly woman held my dick for two hours while tattooing it, and the time my son was assaulted at school. You've read about "THAT" girl, old loves that never were, my run ins with the police and "tricks" that didn't want to pay, my wedding, and why Jack doesn't go to my mom's house. I've written stories about bear rasslin, getting caught fucking by dear old mom and getting my dick puked on by Jen, why not to date three women at the same time, the differences between men and women, and my ability to bullshit. I talked about a trip to jail, another police story and my ability to bullshit, where Jack went, when he pulled his disappearing act, my death when I came back to life, and mine and Jack's trip to the Old Time Tent Revival. I waxed poetic about the time I shot myself, my mom's cancer and the seven stages of catastrophe, telemarketers, Starshits coffee, the time I threatened my mom's doctor with a double amputation, and the time I tried to sell a half Puerto Rican-half Indian girl to some Japanese gentlemen as a white girl. I've answered your questions. Me, Jack and Jay told you three different versions of the same story. I've been on my soap box about healthcare, relationships, cops, and the greatest American alive (me). I whined about my father (Satan) and the way he treated his kids. I cried about being broke, attempted to sell you earrings and threatened to sell Rambo for cosmetic animal testing. I've answered I don't know how many of those tags you people hit me with, wanting to know the color of my underwear, favorite suppositories, etc.

Over the last year I've gotten to know a bunch of you and have become friends with some of you. I've made you laugh, cry, scream, and I'm sure I've made some of y'all hate me (right Grace). I've bared my soul to y'all. I love y'all all most as much as y'all love me. Love me or hate me, one thing is certain. I should have charged y'all to read my blog.

Note: Some of you received earrings damaged by USPS. I will be replacing these, this week. Jethro, yours will be mailed this week. I need a new shipping method. Thanks to Micki for the animation and Jeanette for my birthday card. Happy Birthday to Boo. Cards, gifts and women's underwear will still be accepted.

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Two Birds, One Rock

OK, I have a couple of people to answer to. First, my vice-presidential running mate (Jenn) asked me five questions and then Nightmare asked me to list five things I just don't get. I'm a little slow in answering these and I would like to apologize for that. Let me start with Jenn. My answers will be in red.

1. When you're elected president will you be letting the vice president make most of the major decisions like how things are in this administration? I don't know if I can handle all that pressure so I need to know now so I can prepare. Jenn, as vice-president your only job will be to stop me from making an ass of myself. You will fail at this, at the inauguration. Other than that I don't know what a V.P. does, hell I don't even know if we have one now and if we do, what his name is.

2. How did you sucker Jen into staying around all these years? Charm, wit, and personality. Not to mention my large bank account, big dick and I'm fucking hot.

3. How is your mom doing? She starts her chemo soon. The operation was a success. Chemo is just to be sure. No inheritance yet.

4. In light of all your health issues have you been trying to take better care of yourself? I work out at least an hour and half every day in the pool and I'm real careful about my caloric intake. Hang on I smell cookies.

5. If you could change one thing that has happened in your past what would it be? Nothing. My past is what made me the warm, wonderful, caring, person that I am today.

Now on to Nightmares list of five things I just don't get.

1. I don't get lawyers that advertise on T.V. saying things like "Hire me now, and I'll get you a ton of money." or "Did you kill a family of 12 while driving drunk? Call me and I can get you off with a misdemeanor". Who hires these idiots?

2.I don't get depressed people. I'm short, fat, bald, broke, have a little dick, no job, too sick to work, have an area in my pants known as "The Dead Zone". Yet I'm happy. What the fuck are you people depressed about?

3. I don't get why I didn't sell more earrings.

4. I don't get today’s gas prices. Yeah crude is $60.00 a barrel, but that's sweet crude. The price of sour crude hasn't changed. There are still refineries in America that process sour crude. The companies that own these refineries have reported record breaking profits. BIG companies. Companies we all buy gas from every day. I won't mention the names of these companies, simply because I don't want to disappear in the middle of the night.

5. I don't get paranoia. There's no such thing. Big business and the government are really out to get us all. So are our neighbors, and that weird guy standing on the corner with the sign is really an agent for a government department known only by initials.

Bonus I don't get it. I don't get why anyone would vote for anybody but me in the next presidential election.

I will not pass these on to anyone. I like to make sure the buck stops here. That and I'm not as cruel as my kids think I am.

Note: One week until "Trash Day". Gifts, cards, and used underwear from you women, will be accepted.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005


This made national news. I have a lot of problems with the way our supposed public servants handled this.

Man who saved swimmer at falls hauled off to jail

(AP) - A San Marcos man was arrested after rescuing a swimmer from the swirling waters near a restaurant on the San Marcos River over the weekend.

Police say Dave Newman, 48, disobeyed repeated orders by emergency personnel to leave the water. Newman responded, "Why do I? The guy is out of the water," the report said. The police report does not mention Newman's rescue of 35-year-old Abed Duamni of Houston on Sunday afternoon.

"I was amazed," Newman said after getting out of Hays County Law Enforcement Center on $2,000 bail Monday morning. "I had a very uncomfortable night after saving that guy's life. He thanked me for it in front of the police, and then they took me to jail."

After being handcuffed and put in a Texas State University police squad car, Newman was taken to jail and charged with interfering with public duties.

Abed Duamni of Houston got caught in the current while swimming Sunday afternoon and became stuck under a building. Duamni said he found an air pocket and stayed there for about 15 minutes before Newman grabbed his leg and pulled him out.

Duamni, who said he did not see any signs warning swimmers of the dangerous currents, jumped into the water several times before the current caught him. He had just finished eating at the restaurant when he decided to go for a swim. "I reached a point where I said, 'I'm dead,'" Duamni, who was visiting San Marcos, said from his Houston home Monday night. "There's was nothing I could do. I thought, 'That's it, I'm over, I'm gone."

After pulling Duamni out of the water, Newman said, he swam him under a waterfall and over to the shore opposite from the restaurant. He could hear law enforcement personnel telling him to come back to the shore by the restaurant.

According to the report, Newman smirked and seemed annoyed by officers' requests. He stood in the water for about 15 seconds before swimming downstream, to avoid the turbulence from the waterfall, and across the river to the officers, the report said.

Newman would not get out of the water, Bell said, even after Duamni was safe and talking to authorities. Bell said Newman then swam to the other side of the river and was "sitting Indian-style on a concrete wall saying, 'Why?' " when asked to come over.

Newman said he was trying to get out of the river as fast as he could.

"I was pretty tired when all that was finished, and they wanted me to hop-to," Newman said. "I came out as soon as was reasonably humanly possible."

"When he came across the river, the officer stuck out his hand like he's going to help him out of the water, and he put cuffs on him," said John Parnell, pastor of St. Augustine Old Roman Catholic Church in Fort Worth.

According to the police report and witness accounts, the crowd that had gathered to watch the rescue was upset when they saw the police arrest Newman.

Parnell and another man blocked the police officer's path to the squad car while other members of the crowd yelled at the police, telling them Newman had saved Duamni's life and should not be arrested.

University spokesman Mark Hendricks said he did not know whether Newman rescued Duamni. Hendricks said it was his understanding that Newman was uncooperative with authorities.

When Duamni got out of the water, he saw Newman in handcuffs and asked who he was. "I said, 'What's the deal,' and the police said, 'He got you out,"' Duamni said.

San Marcos resident Bob Ogletree said he understood why emergency personnel wanted to clear the water, but didn't understand why Newman had to be arrested.

Later Newman crossed the river, he was arrested on a charge of interfering with public duties and refusing a lawful order, a Class B misdemeanor punishable by up to 180 days in jail and a $2,000 fine. As he was arrested, a crowd yelled at police.

Ralph Meyer, director of the Texas State University-San Marcos Police Department said Newman probably would not serve any more jail time relating to incident. And he would not rule out the possibility of the charge being dropped altogether.

"Anything is possible," Meyer said.

Police said Newman had heard the order to leave the spillway area and said later, "I saved the guy, and there was no need for me to leave."

Newman said he heard the order to get out of the water but initially ignored it because he'd thought he felt Duamni underwater.

"The one thing I did wrong was not just jump out of the water at the first command," Newman said. "But I had already touched this fellow under there."

Now what I want to know is, how many cops got wet? How many firemen jumped in? Since when does a river have to be clear to save someone's life? How do they know he was smirking? Maybe it was a grimace from being tired from swimming. Maybe it was a smile because he thought he did something good. After all he saved someone's life. And what was his reward? He got arrested. He jumped into the river to save a life and the only life he endangered was his own, and he fucking got arrested. This is just a case of police gone crazy with power. They arrested him "because he didn't do what we told him to do". Somebody call a fucking Whhhaaaabulance. God forbid you ignore the police and save a life. Ooooo, now your a dangerous criminal. The arresting officer should be reprimanded and told to sit it out for a while. If somebody saves my life and gets arrested, then I'm suing the police officer personally for putting my life in jeopardy. I know I won't win, but he'll have some sleepless nights and a bill from a lawyer. Make them pay, just like Newman had to pay bail. I know when they drop the charges, he gets his bail back, but he doesn't get back the 10% he had to pay the bail bondsman. Why didn't the police report mention Newman saving Duamnis life? Because that would make the police look bad. I thought they were supposed to put all the facts into the report. I wonder how many other reports are slanted to make an arrest seem necessary. The police are no more there to serve and protect than I am. They are there to make you pay, one way or another, and if they can't make the charges stick they can damn sure make you spend a lot of money defending yourself. Real hero's, huh?

Note: Once again July 17th, also known as "Trash Day" is almost upon us. Letter bombs are expected. Gifts and cards will be accepted.

Sunday, July 03, 2005

A Great American

This being the 4th of July weekend, I thought I would talk about a true patriot. Me. I love this country and the other 49 states too. I bleed red, white, and blue. I would fight to the death for what this country stands for and I support all the troops that are doing that right now, in far away deserts. I stand behind the president, whether I voted for him or not. I did it for Clinton, I'll do it for Bush. Even if I don't believe in everything they do, I will support them, simply because they bought... uh, they were elected. You may not respect the man but you should respect the office. If you don't like the way that things are done, you can always work to change it in four years, instead of sitting around and whining about it.

Now a few words about The Bill of Rights. Just some of them , not all of them.

1st Amendment. Freedom of religion. This country was built by Christians to avoid religious persecution. You bleeding heart, pansy ass, panty waisted, liberals need to leave some things alone. I don't care who worships what. I believe in God, don't try and take Him out of the Pledge of Allegiance. If you don't want to say the Pledge, then don't. But don't try to tell me that my children can't. Part of the problem today is children are not taught allegiance to anything much less their country.
The other part of the 1st amendment is freedom of speech. I will defend everyone's freedom of speech even if I don't like what you're saying. Burning the flag is not speech. I don't hear words, I just see flames. I will kick your ass if you try that shit in front of me.

2nd Amendment. The right to keep and bear arms. Enough said.

4th Amendment. Deals with unlawful search and seizure. The Nazis in charge of law enforcement got rid of this one a long time ago.

5th, 6th, & 7th Amendments. All deal with trial and law and juries. Simply put they don't matter, only money can save you in our judicial system, just ask O.J. and Michael Jackson. Poor people get fucked, just ask the West Memphis 3.

OK, that's enough of that. There's more but my head hurts and I don't really care about most of it anyway. It reads like this .....blah, blah, blah, blahbity, blah, blah. There are some things you can't change or do anything about. There are some things you can. You can stand up for what's right, you can support the troops, you can vote for me in the next election, you can buy my earrings, you can teach your children to love our great country, you can help bring America back to what it once was. You can go to a parade tomorrow and wave a little flag and salute the big flag when it passes. You can be proud.

Image hosted by

A couple of side notes

1. Ford W. Maverick did this pic for me. He's one hell of an artist. Send him your business if you need some work done.

B. The earrings will ship Tuesday, I was down for a couple of days with some kind of weird 48 hour summertime flu, plus I had to figure out a way to ship so that the post would not get bent.

III. If I offended anyone with this post. Fuck you.

413 subsection 7. I have a new article at Go read it.

Go have some barbeque, apple pie, and an imported beer (can't get much more American than that). Have a happy and proud 4th of July. Love your country and your next president (if it's me).

Once again. July 17th is Trash Day. Be sure to mark it on your calendars. Cards and gifts are expected and will be accepted.