Jack called me Sunday afternoon to remind me that I wasn't supposed to write things like my last post, he informed me that I was supposed to be comic relief for all you depressed people out there. He's right, so here goes nothing.
Sunday night Jen and I were watching television when a commercial for "The Dead Zone" came on.
Jen: "What's The Dead Zone?"
Trashman: "It's a place in my pants."
Jen: "I don't get it."
Trashman: "Neither do I, that's why there's a place in my pants called The Dead Zone."
Something else happened Sunday night. Something monumental, something really big, a mile post in the lives of my boys, a very proud moment for me.
I heard laughter coming from their bedroom, which was unusual since they are usually fighting. I decided to investigate. What I found was amazing. My boys were getting $100.00 lap dances. That's right my boys have gotten their first lap dances. I'm so proud.
Don't get me wrong, they didn't manage to sneak strippers into the house (not even I have figured out how to do that). They were playing Grand Theft Auto San Andreas. It seems that you can enter a strip cub, much like in Grand Theft Auto Vice City. The difference is, in San Andreas you can actually get a lap dance. My boys found The VIP Room and instead of being on the streets killing and robbing, they were getting lap dances. Maybe they're not the violent little monsters I thought they were.
While I was explaining that it was not really appropriate for them to be playing a game that shows cartoon characters dancing for cartoon money, so she can support her cartoon baby or her cartoon drug habit or her no account cartoon boyfriend, not to mention that is was degrading to female cartoon characters everywhere, plus the fact that they weren't really old enough to be doing this sort of thing, my oldest looked up at me:
Trash Jr: "So, you want a lap dance dad?"
Trashman: "Give me the controller and move over."
My boys gave me several thousands of dollars worth of lap dances for fathers day. I'm partial to the blond in the school girl outfit.
NOTE: July 17th is Trash Day. Be sure to mark it on your calendars. Cards and gifts are expected and will be accepted.