I don't really know where to begin, so I'll start in the middle. My ass is broke; physically, financially, and emotionally broke and I've got the crack to prove it. My ass is split right down the middle. I'm so broke I can't afford to pay attention. I'm so broke I can't afford to change my mind. I'm so broke I might have to give up this free blog. I feel too shitty to work, thanks to the medications I'm taking. That covers the financial part.
I'm broke physically also. My knees hurt. I have tennis elbow. My back and neck are strained. Plus numerous other aches and pains due to working out in the pool two hours a day. I'm trying to lose weight and get my blood sugar down so I can get off the meds.
I'm broke emotionally because of the physical and money worries. All day long I wonder how I'm going to pay the bills. It's taking a toll on me.
But not to worry. I think I have devised a way out of the money problems, which in case will cure the emotional problems. The physical problems will work themselves out eventually.
Here's my plan. You're going to buy earrings from me. Not just ordinary earrings. Magic earrings. What makes these magic earrings you say. I say if you buy my magic earrings my money problems will disappear. Sounds like magic to me.
These are unique, special, magic earrings. Unique in the fact they are hand made by me and I've never seen anything else like them. Special in the fact that Jack supplied the materials (so I know you ladies will defiantly want these). Magic in the fact..... well we already covered that.
Here's what they look like.
Fired by Jack himself. Only $10.00 a pair with free shipping. What? You want more. I will also include a certificate of authenticity (A note saying Jack shot them and I made them). Now you may be thinking "Why do I care if Trashman can't pay his bills?" To this I say, if you don't do it for me and the kids, then do it for Rambo. You remember Rambo, don't you?
Well if I don't sell these earrings then I have to sell Rambo to Maybelline for animal cosmetic testing. Save him from this fate.
He'll forever be in your debt.
If this doesn't work, then I'm going to do a win a date with Jack raffle (save up your money ladies, I think Jay is going to try and win that one). Also don't tell Jack, he doesn't know yet.
This is a serious post, so if you want the earrings just e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org I'll be adding a PayPal button to my blog later tonight, just as soon as I figure out how that works. I will also discount multiple sets.
Dont forget July 17th is Trash Day. Be sure to mark it on your calendars. Cards and gifts are expected and will be accepted.