I know I haven't posted in awhile. I've been working overtime so I'm lucky to have the time to read other peoples blogs. The company I work for has a very strict no overtime policy. In other words if you go into overtime you get fired. They asked me to work OT on a special project since my production numbers are so high. All that means to me is I'm slightly more productive than a poorly trained monkey.
I've been in a foul mood for the last few days. I don't mean depressed. I mean mad. Angry. Mean. Urinated to the highest degree of pisstivity. I don't know why. It's just one of those things. However I woke up in a great mood about 10 minutes ago. Got my coffee in one hand, my dick in the other, a cigarette between my toes and typing with my left foot. All is right with the world.
I've decided to do things differently instead of making a list of things I'm thankful that I have, I'm going to make a list of things I'm thankful I don't have. Here goes.
I am thankful I don't
1. Have irritable bowel syndrome.
2. Have Jack's pussy problems.
3. Have El Sid's customer problems.
4. Smell like the French.
5. Have a really big Johnson. (strike that I do have a really big Johnson)
6. Have an ugly wife. (she's reel purrty)
7. Have to pay alimony.
8. Have the clap or any other STD. (dodged that bullet)
9. Like sushi. (nothing like breath that smells like bad pussy)
10. Have hair. (hair care products are expensive, ask Jay.)
11. Have low self esteem.
12. Have sensitive nipples. (wait, just checked, they are sensitive)
13. Have Inanna's neighbors.
14. Have Rob's job.
15. Have any real drama in my life.
16. Have any neurotic disorders. (I'm neurotic just not disorderly)
17. Have more than 300 channels of nothing on TV.
18. Have an empty bank account. (whoops, wrong again)
19. Live anywhere but The United State Of Texas.
20. Have to burn in hell. (thanks Tommy, start blogging again you Cruel Bastard)
21. Drive a Yugo.
22. Have to deal with anymore rain for a few days.
23. Have to answer to anyone. (I'm the mother fucking man)
24. Have to drive anywhere this weekend.
25. Have old man balls. (yet)
This is just a short list of the things that I am glad are not in my life. I will try not to be so negligent in the future. I plan on writing all weekend so I can post even when I don't have time to write.
Wendy asked for a story about when I was a porn star. I was in one movie. It was called Real Swingers Stories 2 Phuckin in Phoenix. I worked under the name Ben Scrooed. End of story. I wish there was more to tell because I am a long winded fucker. I like to hear myself talk or in this case watch myself type.
I really do hope y'all have a Happy Thanksgiving.