Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Tuesday Tuesday

By the amount of questions you people asked I'm assuming that a lot of y'all think you know me. If you've come to the conclusion that I'm an ordinary run-of-the-mill asshole, then you're wrong. There's nothing ordinary about me. On to the questions. Questions are bold and answers are italic. New post Thursday.

Jethro asked the best. How many times have you been incarcerated? I don't know. Honestly. If you count the times I was bailed out before I made it to the jail house and how many times the charges were dropped, and how many times they decided not to charge me and all the actual arrest, I'm sure it hits the way high double digits. You have to remember I have been very lucky in my life of crime. And, what was the longest stretch of time? I believe it was 4 days waiting for bail. Once again very lucky.

Michael asked. My question is, what are you gonna get me for Crimes? As in, when you rob that bank, what's my % of the take? I'm answering a question with a question. Are you driving the getaway car?

El Sid was wondering. How do you feel about socks? Hate them. They suffocate my feet. If it was up to me we would all be nekkid.

Ford W. Maverick had a random thought. I met a G Love in Morgantown. He was in some sort of band. Wonder if it's the same guy. Nope.

Beth wants to know more about me. (I think she's hot for me.) You remember that movie, Brewster's Millions? Yes. If you were Brewster, how would you have spent all that money? Hookers and Cocaine. Just like any red blooded American male. Or would you have copped out and taken the money they offered in the beginning? Probably. I plan on dying surrounded by hookers and cocaine anyway. You have nine years to do everything you've always wanted to do. What's the first thing on that list? You. Why did you leave Jersey? I didn't know your address, or I was on the run from the law, not sure.

Zelda has met me, she knows I'm full of shit anyway. Have you ever had a drink called a Spanish Fly? No. And Fuck You. You still have more readers than I do and I've been writing longer and better. (How was that for sheer balls?) Incredible. You are a more better writer than me.

Kim is getting me a Crimas present. What do you want for Crimas? A big tattoo.

Boo asked about Crimas. I do wonder though if I'm wasting my time wishing for Bionic Woman DVD's for Xmas?? The magic eight ball says "Don't hold your breath." And in answer to your earlier question....Of course I feel that strongly about you. Couldn't you tell? Yes, I felt it in my groin.

Seth insulted me, then wanted to know. When was the first time you went to jail? I think when I was 12 or 13. When was the first time you were arrested? About 15 minutes before the first time I went to jail. Ever been kicked out or banned from any other casinos, or any other establishments? Quite a few bars and pool halls.

Inanna has issues. It sounds like the apocalypse outside, sirens all over, what the hell is going on? You're imagining it. It's all in your pretty little head.

Jeanette is spying again. Real tree or fake tree this year? Same fake tree as last year. What you really wanted to know was boxers or briefs?

Brighton converted. How about I just wish you a Merry Christmas? OK. Will you be naked when you do this?

Jack has two questions (one came via email). When's the next revival? When you get here. Can I rub your naked body with chocolate pudding? Jack you're one sick twisted fucker.

Kristin wants me to make her dream come true. Oh and how's your schedule looking this week, I'm free. I dig free chicks. Call me.

Collin asked me. Are you annoyed that I still haven't drawn the zombie pimp and hos? I'm a very patient man.

Nightmare has made the revenge list (next post will explain). See what I get for not checking up on you yesterday? Yes, I do. I'm sneaking this under the radar. Here is my Query, Why the hell is it that I read Rob's blog and sometimes send him emails and I get no linky goodness, or a blessed shout out? He don't like you. Is it because I tend to be more like hemmingway, and less like cussler? I'm sure it is. Or is it a deep disdain for the midwest? Nah, Rob likes everybody especially guidos. I'm kidding I could give a rats ass less as to why I am not on his short list. I do want to know however why you chose a life of crime instead of a college career and a cube job. I don't think you're stupid. You might be but I doubt it. So why the darker shades of gray, instead of walking the short and narrow path of righteousness? Who's to say I'm not on the path of righteousness. Maybe all the cube guys are on the path to hell. Actually the rush of it all. I'm not stupid by any means, but I have played dumb so less would be expected of me. Plus I never was a corporate zombie type, not to mention when I grew up only rich kids went to college.

Cootera wants me. Where's the love, dammit? Hanging between my legs?????

Just me (not me) had a few questions. Do you like to tie up or be tied? Tie up. Ain't no woman ever tying me down. When are you going to open your restaurant? What restaurant? What was the hardest thing in your life that you've had to do? Bury a friend. He wouldn't stop trying to climb out of the grave.

tCj HAS to touch me. I'm not too late, am I? Never! CAN I EVER MEET YOU? YES! No need to bring clothes. I've met people who've met you...but that's like getting second best.......I wanna meet YOU! I wanna do you too!!!

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