Tuesday, December 04, 2007

You Must Be Talk'n To Me.

First off this guy gets it. I suggest you read this first then go through the archives. I like his style. I think coming from me that means a lot. All you dudes should defiantly read it. Probably wouldn't hurt for you broads to read it as well.

Speaking of broads. When are y'all gonna learn? By a show of hands, how many of y'all want equal rights? That's a lot. Now by a show of hands, how many of y'all actually raised your hands. That's still a lot. Now that we've deduced that y'all ain't all that bright, let me say this. Equal rights is a step backwards. I know I've said this before but evidently you can't commit anything to memory. So maybe you need learn'n the hard way. I know a bunch of you are asking yourselves "Self. What the fuck is he talking about?" Well what I'm talking about is women that think they can step up in a mans face and talk shit. This happened to me yesterday.

I'm going to touch on two subjects. Parking lot etiquette and loud mouth bitches. First the parking lot. When you are driving between two rows of cars that are parked at two different angles, you are not and I mean NOT allowed to turn across traffic to park in the opposite direction of which you were going. Secondly when you get cut of by a guy that looks like a cross between King Kong and a redneck from hell, it's best that you keep your mouth shut. Unless God is watching out for you. And in this case He was.

Now the loud mouth bitches. I went to HEB yesterday. Trash Jr was with me. As I was trolling around looking for a spot I saw some reverse lights come on and I backed up to let the guy out. There was a frumpy housewife headed in the other direction that actually almost hit the guy backing out because she was trying to cut me off. Now she was headed in the wrong direction turning across traffic trying to park in the opposite direction of which she was headed. I repeated that in case some of you weren't paying attention in the last paragraph.

I admit as I pulled into the spot I probably shouldn't have been pointing at her and laughing. But that's neither here nor there. Here's where it gets good.

TrashJr: "Dad. She's still there."
Trash: "So."
TrashJr: "She's rolling down her window."
Trash: "So."
TrashJr: "She's going to say something."
Trash: "So."
TrashJr: "Don't hit her."
Trash: "I'm not going to hit her. What kind of animal do you think I am?"
TrashJr: "It's just that I know how you are."
Trash: "Get out and don't worry about it."

At this point I got out of the truck and was faced with one of those I've-caught-a-man-and-beat-him-down-and-made-him-pray-for-death-so-now-I-can-let-myself-go-to-shit nasty looking bitches.

Bitch: "Who do you think you are cutting me off? I was waiting forever for that spot."
Trash: "It's not your spot."
Bitch: "I was waiting before you got here."
Trash: "I don't care."
Bitch: "That's my spot."
Trash (gesturing wildly): "No. You're going that way. So those are your spots. I'm going this way, so these are my spots. You don't turn across traffic. So go down there and park."
Bitch: "You should go down there and park. You certainly could use the exercise."
Trash: "Well a little exercise wouldn't hurt you either you fat bitch."
Bitch: "Well I'm going to get it now."
Trash (gesturing wildly again): "That's right. Because you'll be parking way down there."
Bitch: "You're an ass."
Trash: "You don't know the half of it. Why don't you shave that moustache while you're down there?"
Bitch: "You should put a leash on your child."
Trash: "You should put a muzzle on your fat fucking trap."

At this point she drove to the other end of the parking lot. I had TrashJr stay with the truck because she was obviously a psycho. While I was inside, the cart girl told TrashJr that was the greatest thing she had ever seen. I think she just wanted him.

The thing is the only reason she said anything is because I was a white guy with my kid. She didn't think I would get all ignorant on her ass (she didn't know who she was dealing with). Had I been black or mexican she never would have said a thing. But no, here's a white guy so I'll shoot off my big fucking mouth cause he won't do anything. I got news for you lady. I should have punched you in the fucking face. So God was watching out for her. Don't get me wrong. I don't condone hitting women. She just needed it REAL bad. She mentioned my weight which I don't really have a problem with. In fact you can call me fat all day and it won't bother me one fucking bit. But when you intentionally refer to it as a personal attack and try to make me look bad in front of my kid. Then you need your ass handed to you.

Yeah I'm sure she wanted equal rights. The same treatment any man would have gotten for such a faux pas. Luckily for her I'm a chauvinist.

Keep on keeping on (in the right direction).

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