At 3:21 pm Texas time today I climbed the gallows and the hangman's noose was tightened around my neck. Oops wrong story. At 3:21 pm Texas time today, Jen officially became Mrs. Trashman. That's right we finally did it, after an 11 year engagement. They say the first year of a marriage is the hardest, I sure hope we make it. I believe we had only been married for 30 minutes when I asked for a divorce. I just wanted to say it first. In an unprecedented move I am now going to let my bitter half say a few words.
Mrs. Trashman: "OK all you jealous women out there, I have managed to do what 1000's have tried and failed at. I got him, he's all mine, and you can't have him. He is the most kind, warm, loving, thoughtful man alive and he's all man. He has made me his queen. Keep your hands and dirty thoughts to yourself."
Yeah I know she didn't say it, but she would have, if I would have let her speak. Unfortunately she is chained to the stove. I'm hungry.
Do you hear that Jay? The voices are calling you to the dark side.