Monday, December 20, 2004

Weekend Update

First I would like to say Thank You to all those that sent their best wishes to me and the Mrs. Friday after the ceremony, we went out to eat, after we got home Trash Jr. proceeded to get sick. We spent our honeymoon hanging out in the garage/computer room/smoker's lounge. I called Zelda and sort of made plans to make plans for the weekend.

Saturday morning we had our first argument as a married couple. She wants real and I want fake. Get your minds out of the gutter, I'm talking about Christmas trees. We finally agreed to look around for the best deal. We started at Target.

When we got there we went back to the seasonal department and found the floor models were on sale for 50% off. There was a really nice one that was marked down to $35.00, we decided to get that one and forget about driving all over hell and creation. The lady in that department informed us that if we applied for a Target card we would get another 10% off our total for the day. I being the frugal shopper (cheap bastard) that I am, did a little happy dance. I filled out the paperwork and we looked at decorations and picked up some lights. When we got to the checkout, the girl started ringing up our purchases. She called one of the floor managers over to get our tree. The SKU reader wouldn't read the SKU on the tree, so she entered the info by hand. The tree rang up at 1 cent. That's right 1 cent. The girl pointed this out to the floor manager.

FM: "That can't be right."
Trashman: "Sounds good to me."
FM: "OK. I don't care. Let him have it for a penny."

Here comes the Really-Fucking-Happy-Dance. After all the items were rang up, I handed her the paperwork for the Target card so I got another 10% off the total. My tree cost me 9/10 of 1 cent. What a bargain. I couldn't get out of that store fast enough.

Saturday afternoon I talked to Zelda again. We decided the light show in Austin was out because it's a one mile walk, and she would wind up carrying one or both of her children (I don't miss those days). So dinner it is, however Trash Jr. got sick again so we had to cancel those plans also.

Saturday night at midnight I headed for WallyWorld. I walked around for a couple of hours and picked up some things for the boys for Christmas. I paid the cashier $160.00 cash. On my way out the door I was stopped by a large black man. Another fine WalMart employee.

WalMart Dude: "Excuse me sir I need to check your receipt."
Trashman: "No you don't"
WD: "We always check receipts."
Trashman: "Not mine."
WD: "I'm going to have to ask you to step back inside, so I can check your purchases."
Trashman: "Not gonna do it."
WD: "Sir..."
Trashman: "Let me tell you something. I've never had my receipt checked. I just gave the clerk $160.00 cash. I didn't write a check. I used CASH. You're not checking a damn thing."
WD: " I'll have to..."
Trashman: " Call security and have them detain me. Then call the police. When they get here I'm going to file against you for false imprisonment and I'm going to sue you and WalMart for discrimination. I'm going to my car now."
WD: "Have a good Christmas sir."
Fuck WalMart they ruined my good mood.

I came home and hid everything in the attic. It's now Sunday morning. I waited until 7:30 am and headed for Toys-R-Us. I picked up a few more things. I saw a drum set at Toys-R-Us that was the same price at WalMart. It was the last one. I found the manager and talked him down from $100.00 to $50.00. I explained how they could really use the floor space, and it was the last one, and don't make me go back to WalMart. Had to do some persuading but I got my price. Happy dance time again.

I came home and headed for the attic again. I went back out and hit Target again, then a different WalMart, I talked to Jack on the phone while there. I didn't buy anything. I went to the pet shop and got a gift certificate for Trash Jr's snake. A girl I work with is friends with the owner, so I got a discount. Here's the happy dance. I went to a sporting goods store, got the boys some BB pistols. I know. I know. They'll put their eyes out. Then I went to another discount store and got a few more things and headed home. It's now 2:00 pm and bedtime for Bonzo. I crashed.

Sunday evening at 6:30 pm, Jen woke me up. Trash Jr. was feeling better and they all wanted to go on the mile long walk at the light show. We drove to Austin and parked at one of the state garages. We waited in a half mile long line to get tickets. Then we rode the bus to the light show. Half of the population of the Great State of Texas was there. We walked the mile of trail, there were some beautiful light displays. However I am severely claustrophobic, and the people were jammed in like sardines. I'm lucky I came out with whatever little bit of sanity that I have left.

That's the weekend short version. I'll be so glad when this nightmare is over. Me and the Mrs. will be spending Christmas at my mom's this year. It will be the first time in 16 years that I spend a holiday with the old broad. Last time I got into a fight with one of my older brothers in the kitchen. My mom beat us both with a broomstick until we separated and took it outside. I have really missed those good times. I hope all of you have a great Christmas. I'll try to post once more before then. While I'm at moms there won't be any internet. I'm going to miss y'all.

Zelda, we'll definitely do something next time. Tell Jethro I was really disappointed we didn't get to meet and I still owe him that beer.

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