Friday, May 27, 2005

The Final Truth

Jack walked back to our table, but he kinda limped, twisted, skipped. I guess it was that whole "tucked" thing he had going on. We stayed at the "church" for a while, nobody really said anything, except every now and then Jack would wink at Jay and then lean in his direction and bark like a dog. This usually made Jay cry again.

I believe you should treat the crazy people a little better, but I couldn't stay at that she-male review any longer no matter how much Jack begged, so we headed of to a little bar because Jack wanted to dance. I figured this would be a good time to give Jay a "man lesson", he needed to learn how to lead when dancing instead of following.

I don't know how Jack finds the places he hangs out at when he's in my part of Texas, but we wound up at some little redneck joint called "Giddy-Ups". The place was full of guys in strange manners of dress and undress. There were dudes in chaps (no pants just chaps) and all sorts of leather wear. When we first walked in the place went silent until all at once the entire crowd shouted "Hi Jack". Jack let out a loud "WOOOOOHOOOO" and ran at some Elvis looking dude and jumped into his arms, they spent the next couple of hours tripping the light fantastic. I was really surprised at how well Jack could two step. I found the girliest looking guy in the place and told Jay to dance with him, it cost me $50.00 for the guy to let Jay lead. I spent the next few hours until closing time keeping the wolves at bay. Those dudes seem to like a real man.

At closing time, Jack finally introduced us to Jays replacement. He was some English Elvis impersonator (biggest sideburns I've ever seen). Jack asked if Jay and I would ride in the back of the drug hoopty so he and Basil could be alone. No problem. All the way back to my house I explained some of the finer points of manhood to Jay. I even gave him the name of a website to help him out. I think I really helped Jay, he seems to be butching up a little. I wish I could help Jack, but the doctors say there's no hope.

When we got back to my house the sun was coming up, Jack and Basil kicked Rambo out of his dog house and crawled inside. I heard some really disgusting sounds coming from it for the rest of the day. I gave Jay a ride to the bus station and bought his broke ass a ticket back to Houston, I told him if he needed anymore advice just e-mail me, boy was that a mistake. Now I spend half my day answering his "what would a real man do" questions. Who knows maybe someday he'll become a man and find a real Jasmine, instead of having to make her up.

Jack and Basil finally left two days later. I burned Rambos house.

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