Wednesday, May 25, 2005


After discussing things with my therapist and lawyer, I was given the go ahead with the true story of Jays visit.

Jack jumped on Jay, snarling at me like a rabid dog. He ran his tongue up the side of Jays face without taking his eyes off of me, the whole time he was humping Jays leg, screaming "Daddy loves you, daddy loves you." Jay was bawling like a school girl, swearing to God he would never wear mascara again, just make the bad man stop. About that time, Jen came around the corner of the house with a water hose and sprayed Jack down, he ran up on my porch and curled up in the corner, whimpering like a scolded pup. I knew what I had to do.

Trashman: "Jack, did you skip your meds again?"
Jack: "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I thought I was better."
Trashman: "You know your only better when you take your pills."
Jack: "I know. I'll take them now."
Trashman: "Jay, get up of my lawn and stop crying. You're starting to attract attention."
Jay: "OK. Do I have to call you daddy too?"

Let me tell you, they're both a little twisted. I suggested a trip to the tent revival. I knew the only way to keep Jacks attention off of Jay was to redirect it and Jay could use a little butching up. We all climbed into Jacks drug hoopty with Jay in the middle (I don't ride bitch and Jack wanted to rest his hand on Jays thigh). For some reason Jack drove right past the tent revival and pulled into another "church".

Trashman: "What is this place?"
Jack: "New church. I thought we would try something new in honor of my new best girl. Plus there's a redhead here I nailed last year. She's got a dudes name but man is she hot."
Trashman: "Jack. Jay is a guy. Regardless of how much make up he wears, he's still a guy."
Jack: "You see a guy. I see the next Mrs. Jack."

There was that horrendous laugh again, which of course started Jay crying. We walked into the club and we sat down and ordered beers except for Jay, he ordered a Cosmopolitan (whatever that is). Jack stood up and excused himself, he said something about "going to tuck it in". I looked at Jay. Yep, he was scared.

Trashman: "Don't worry, he'll forget about you soon enough."
Jay: "But what if he doesn't? He can use his connections to find me."
Trashman: "He's not really a cop. His doctor just suggested we go along with his fantasy, it makes him less dangerous."
Jay: "He's not a cop? Then what does he do?"
Trashman: "He's a cab driver. The fumes from a leaky exhaust burned up part of his frontal lobe, years ago."
Jay: "Well since we're telling the truth, I'm not really a financial whiz, unless you count trading in aluminum cans as part of banking."

This didn't surprise me. Jay was kind of ratty looking in clothes that were a few years old, but he did a great job with the makeup.

Trashman: "So why do you wear all the makeup?"
Jay: "When I was a little boy, I was kind of a sissy. I guess I still am. Anyway the boys wouldn't let me play so I played dress up with the girls. I even had long hair for years. I just got used to it."
Trashman: "Maybe Jack would leave you alone if you didn't look so much like a girl."
Jay: "Can you show me how to look and act like a real man?"
Trashman: "I guess, but not right now, here comes Jack.

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