Monday, May 02, 2005


First let me say to the whiners. I never said when I would answer, I only said I would answer. Which I am doing now. Some of these answers will be serious and some will be funny. They will all however, be what I would do. Please don't take offense and in some cases you may not want to follow my advice. I am only telling you what I would do, not what you should do.

Let's get started.

Jack wanted to know why I'm so sexy. It's a combination of factors, genetics and he's a flaming mo.

Jeanette wanted to know what I would do about a stalker. Nothing. When you try to stop them, they cook your rabbit.

Inanna wanted to know how I go about making tough decisions that would affect many people. I weigh out the consequences to every scenario then I pick the one that would benefit ME the most.

Nightmare wants to know where his socks are. Look on your feet or in the second drawer from the top.

Cooter wants too know why no one ever asks her out. It's because you intimidate men. Ask them out instead, it is the 21st century after all.

Tammy wants to know what men like as far as romance. What the fuck is romance? We just want to be attacked when we walk through the door.

Brighton needs to get revenge on Mrs. Cuntface. Buy an untraceable trac phone. Then call every plumber, general contractor, electrician, etc. in the phone book. Schedule them all for repair bids at the same time. When they all show up call the police to report a riot across the street. Also call the local TV station and tell them at that exact hour there will be a huge drug bust.

Micki. Honesty is the best policy. I wouldn't hold anything back from any of them.

Aurelia has some issues. Ditch the car in a bad part of town call it in stolen the day before your parents return. Deny everything and don't change your story no matter what.

tCj needs help with her boyfriend. I would replace him, guys are a dime a dozen. You're too young to limit yourself. Live life, it's too short for all that drama.

Jethro wants to know how to make G.W. care about our borders. Wait three years and I'll seal them up.

Franks & Beans wants to tell his man friend to back off without losing that loving feeling. F&B just confess your love for Jack and get it over with.

No Man Love is delusional. Seek professional help.

April wants a hypothetical way to earn lots of money fast. Prostitution.

Veronica wants to know if she should remain anonymous. I believe in telling it all like it is. My real name is Trashman.

Kate the Peon is unsure about some guy. You can't win if you don't roll the dice. Sometimes you crap out and sometimes you roll a seven. But there is always another game around the corner.

Nerwen has problems with her boyfriends ex. Take her to lunch and explain in no uncertain terms it would be very unhealthy for her to ever speak to him again.

RedFred wants to know what I would do if I caught my 17 year old daughters boyfriend sneaking through the window in the middle of the night. I would slam the window on the little fuckers head. Repeatedly.

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