Saturday, January 22, 2005

This Concludes Our Broadcast Day

It was the crazy cable whore. I know it was. That bitch cut my cable wire.

Today the cable bill collection lady showed up at my door. I'm a little bit behind on my bill, or I was until yesterday, that is. Now my bill is current, but she showed up wanting to know if we wanted to post date a check for next month (she gets commission on these post dated checks). Jen told her no and she left. Jen says she left anyway. I think she was hiding in the bushes.

About three hours later my internet connection took a shit. I went inside and my cable was off also. I called the cable company and was on hold for 30 minutes. When I finally talked to someone, she put me on hold for a tech. I was on hold for another 15 minutes. When this clown finally came on the phone, he told me he couldn't get a reading from the cable box or the cable modem. This is where I started to panic.

Trashman: "Dude. This is my life support system."
Cable Clown: "I'm sorry sir."
Trashman: "If I was hooked up to a heart monitor the beeps would be getting farther and farther apart."
CC: "I can't get a repairman out tonight."
Trashman: "I won't survive until tomorrow."
CC: "I can have someone there tomorrow between 8 am and 9 pm."
Trashman: "BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP. Do you know what that sound was?"
CC: "No sir."
Trashman: "I'm code blue dude. You just killed me."
CC: "Would you like to make the appointment."
Trashman: "I have to and send the coroner too. I'm as good as dead."
CC: "Sir?"
Trashman: "I have two kids and a wife, they'll want me to talk to them. I need my cable."
CC: "I can give you a refund for two days."
Trashman: "Can you pay for my funeral?"
CC: "The cable company doesn't cover burial expenses sir."
Trashman: "Send the repairman."

Some people just don't have a sense of humor. I hung up the phone and grabbed the flashlight. I went around the corner and checked the cable pod just outside of the property line. Everything was OK in there. Then I went and checked the connection box on the back of the house. When I wiggled the box Jen screamed the cable was back on. Then it went off again. I grabbed the box again and the cover fell off. I looked inside and saw one of the wires (the one that brings the signal in) had been hacked on and was almost severed. I wiggled the wire and the cable came on and went off. Now I knew why I had no signal.

I called a friend of mine that has the tools and the know how. He came right over and fixed my connection. BOOM instant cable. So like I said I know it was the cable lady. Someone with the special tool opened the cable box and hacked on the correct wire. Who else could it be?

Jen sarcastically said she's going to put barbed wire around the cable box and that I'm crazy.

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