Monday, February 14, 2005

Happy Valentines Day

The night after Valentines Day, I whipped into The Flying Carpet Hotel, I was there to make a collection from one of the in-call girls. I was driving The Saint's Jeep since he was in Vegas, the roads were slick with ice and his Jeep had much better traction than my rear wheel drive pick-up. I pulled into the parking lot and parked, I dashed up the stairs, knocked on the door and was let in. The girl handed me my money, I counted it real quick and shot back out to the Jeep. BAM, in and out just that quick. No time to waste, I had lots of collections to make.

I got back on the highway and had gone about 200 yards when the night sky was lit up with red and blue flashing lights. I was being pulled over and I didn't know why. I was just trying not to shit myself.

There were two cops in the car, they approached the Jeep from both sides. I rolled down my window and the cop shined the light right in my fucking eyes. I really hate when they do that, it's rude and I don't care what anybody says there is no reason for it. I still remained mildly respectful because he had a badge and a gun. I'm not mouthing off until I'm handcuffed, because there is always the off chance I may not go to jail.

Cop 1: "License, registration, and insurance."
Trashman: "Whatever happened to please?"
Cop 1: "License, registration, and insurance."
Trashman: "Here's the license."
Cop 1: "Registration and insurance?"
Trashman: "I don't know where they are."
Cop 1: "Why not?"
Trashman: "It's not my car."
Cop 1: "Who's car is it?"
Trashman: "My friends."
Cop 1: "Does your friend have a name?"
Trashman: "Most people do."
Cop 1 (aggravated): "Well, what's his name?"
Trashman: "The Saint."
Cop 1: "Wait here."

Both cops retreated to their cruiser, after a few minutes they came walking back up, that's when Cop 2 said those nine words that tell you, you're fucked. "Sir, would you please step out of the vehicle." When you hear these words, you know you're not getting back in. You, my friend are on your way to jail.

Cop 2 walked me to the back of the Jeep and Cop 1 started searching inside. He didn't ask permission or anything, he just started searching. Now I'm panicking, because I don't know what The Saint has stashed away in there. He has been known to smoke a little of the demon weed. Cop 2 was holding my license and looking at me. He finally spoke.

Cop 2: "Do you know why we pulled you over?"
Trashman: "Don't have a clue."
Cop 2: "You were seen entering and exiting a known drug hotel. Rather quickly."
Trashman: "Well I didn't know drugs were sold there."
Cop 2: "Well if you weren't buying dope, what were you doing there?"

Now remember, I am Hong Kong Poopie. I have a black belt in bullshit.

Trashman: "Meeting my girlfriend."
Cop 2: "What room is she in?"
Trashman: "She's not in a room."
Cop 2: "Then how were you meeting her?"
Trashman: "She was supposed to get a room and meet me, but she didn't."
Cop 2: "Why didn't she?"
Trashman: "She's mad at me."
Cop 2: "Why?"
Trashman: "Because yesterday was Valentines Day and I spent it with my wife instead of her. She said she was going to get a room so we could spend tonight together and she stood me up. Now I have to find a reason to tell my wife why I'm not "at work". She really stuck it to me this time"
Cop 2:"Your girlfriend is mad because you spent yesterday with your wife?"
Trashman: "Yep. Go figure."
Cop 2 looked at Cop 1 and they both started laughing.
Trashman (sounding dejected): "I don't see the humor."

Cop 2 handed my license back to me and said "Have a good evening sir and next time have your girlfriend pick a better hotel."


TaraMetBlog said...
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TaraMetBlog said...

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