Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Stroke Me, Stroke Me

This story takes place during my last big trip to Vegas. It was during SuperBowl time and rooms were hard to get, but thanks to The Saint's and Wanna Be Gangster's, gambling habits, I was able to get a really nice room. I'm not sure what year it was or who was even playing in the SuperBowl. I do know it was two weeks of pure decadence, full of sex, booze, drugs, and gambling. I was lucky I survived.

One night Kelli and I were in our suite at Harrahs getting ready to go out. It was a really nice suite, living room,wet bar, bedroom, bath with jacuzzi, double shower heads in the see through shower, separate room for the toilet, three TV's and seven phones. I was living large and it wasn't costing me a thing except for the thousands I was dropping at the Blackjack tables.

This particular night Kelli and I had a little game of slap and tickle going on while we were getting ready. In other words she was covered with bubbles in the jacuzzi and I was taking pictures. At one point she stood up and was leaning against the wall with her hands above her head on the wall and that oh so fine ass sticking out, she had bubbles running down her body. It was HOT. I was looking through the camera and I thought , "man is this sexy". So I did what any red blooded American man would do. I threw the camera by the sink and jumped into the jacuzzi, I spun her around and pulled her back down into the water and proceeded to lay some pipe. Right at the point of sweet ecstasy (you know; blowing my load), something went wrong.

I heard a strange pop in my head, and I fell out of the jacuzzi. The entire left side of my body quit working. Kelli was freaking out and all I could think was that I was baking alive in the bathroom. I had to get out of there. I rolled to my right and using my right arm and leg I dragged myself out of the bathroom into the bedroom. I got about halfway across the room and rolled back over. I was laying on the floor naked as the day I was born, looking up at the ceiling wondering what the hell was wrong. How come my body didn't work anymore? Then Kelli leans over me and screams "What's wrong baby, what's wrong?" I looked back up at her and said out of the right side of my mouth "I think you killed me."

That was the last thing I remembered until the next morning. I woke up and sunlight was streaming through the window. I was still naked and laying in a puddle of water, I was freezing. I rolled to my right and slowly sat up, it seemed my body was working again. I checked everything, my toes wiggled, I had gripping strength in my left hand, my mouth moved on both sides of my face. Everything was good, except for the fact I was cold, naked, wet, and the sun was shining.

I stood up and walked out into the living room. Kelli was curled up in the fetal position on one end of the couch. Her eyes were as big as saucers, she kind of looked like one of those anime characters. I stood there in all my naked glory staring at her and she was staring back at me. Finally I spoke.

Trashman: "What the fuck are you doing?"
Kelli: "I thought you were dead."
Trashman (yelling): "Bitch, don't you know how to dial 911?"
Kelli: "I was scared."
Trashman: "Then at least call your Uncle Paulie, and get rid of the body. It's a big goddamn desert out there."
Kelli (crying); "I'm sorry. I really am. I thought you were dead."
Trashman: "Next time cover me with a blanket. I'm fucking freezing."
Kelli: " Are you OK?"
Trashman: "Yeah I seem to be. You hungry?"
Kelli: "A little."
Trashman; "Let me get dressed and we'll go get breakfast."

UPDATE: I got my Weblog Review today. Go read it and give me a vote or three. I am the MAN.

1 comment:

bcsurvivor said...

Out of boredom, surfing the net, I stumbled across your blog. I'm hooked. I love your dark sense of humor. I'll include your mother in my prayers...