8:00 am Monday morning and I'm sitting outside the DA's office waiting for him. He finally showed up with the two geniuses known as Detective 1 and Detective 2, in close tow. I was finally sober and as clear headed as I would ever be in my life.
DA: "Come in."
I stood up and smiled at Detective 1 and followed the DA into his office. We all sat down and the DA laid all the pictures out again.
DA: "Here's what we know. We know The Saint and WBG are partners. We know you work for them as muscle. We know JB used to work for them until WBG paid the thugs to rough him up. We know WBG paid the thugs to kill PRK. You can tell us the rest."
Trashman: "You don't know much."
DA: "Why don't you fill us in?"
Trashman: "Why don't you produce some papers first?"
Detective 2 (laughing): "I told you he wasn't as stupid as he looks."
Trashman (laughing and pointing at Detective 1): "Don't you mean as stupid as he looks?"
Detective 1: "What's your issue with me?"
Trashman: "What's your issue with me?"
Detective 1: "I know a scumbag when I see one."
Trashman: "Well if it wasn't for scumbags like me, idiots like you couldn't solve a crime much less a crossword puzzle."
Detective 2 (laughing): "He's got you there. Let's sign these papers."
I read and re-read the papers, just to make sure they weren't trying anything sneaky. Not that I don't trust cops or anything like that. It's just that I don't trust cops (except for one) and he wasn't sitting there with me. We all had our turn signing the documents saying I wouldn't be prosecuted in turn for my testimony.
Trashman: "You kids ready for school?"
DA: "Just tell us what you know."
Trashman: "First, why did WBG pay the thugs to rough up JB?"
DA: "Because he was WBG's wife's ex husband."
Trashman: "Why did WBG pay the thugs to kill PRK?"
DA: "We don't know."
Trashman: "Why do you think The Saint and WBG are partners?"
DA: "The Saint pays all of WBG's bills on his credit card including all six of the airline tickets to Vegas. Yours included."
Trashman: "Why do you think I work as muscle for them?"
Detective 1: "Look at the size of you, and we know you scared off some collectors trying to get gambling debts from WBG."
I stopped and looked at the pictures on the table. I reached down and moved them around a little bit so it would be easier to explain to these "mental giants" just where they were wrong. Way wrong.