Blaze Of Glory

I have decided not to die. Just yet. There's still a little fight left in this dog. That and I want to make sure a lot more people are miserable before I go. If not miserable at least annoyed. I have managed to do this so far but I got a ways to go.

I also want to make sure my death is as violent and painful as possible. Not necessarily for me, but someone's got to hurt. That and I want to know that they'll still be finding pieces of me a year later. That's right my death should involve CSI and crime scene clean-up. Hopefully some law enforcement agency with initials will need to be called in.

There's still lots of blood and pain but I'll march on. I always do. Just sometimes there's a little whining involved. The pain is the price I pay. The whining is the price y'all pay.

Thankfully this is the last of the quantity post, now maybe we can get back to the quality. When we do, I expect some comments, fuckers. I'll be talking more about my imminent death shortly, y'all should really enjoy that one.

Keep on keeping on.

Under The Weather

Not to sure I'll survive the night. Massive amounts of pain and blood. I have to see the doctor soon. Bones hurt beyond belief plus a cold front moved in tonight. Sorry this ain't much of a post. If I live, I'll post tomorrow. If not, then so long fuckers.

Keep on keeping on.

Third World Neighborhood

There's quite a few trailer parks near where I work. Not the good kind that's all full of trailer trash and junk, but the kind that the government relocated Katrinas supposed victims to. So we sell a lot of malt liquor and single blunts.

There's also a night club right down the road where these "people" congregate every Wednesday and Friday night. When the club closes they descend upon us like a plague, trying to buy beer after hours, steal some condoms and smoke their demon weed. They come in droves. They also trash our bathrooms and the parking lot. They're fucking animals. There was a shooting in the parking lot last year and almost one last week. I've never seen an angry pot head until last night.

Last night was the first time I had to work 3rd shift. After they came in and destroyed the store (were not allowed to stop them, "Stop-n-Rob" has an open-door-make-the-customer-happy-no-matter-the-cost-policy) I made an observation to my fellow employee about the rudeness of these individuals. I found out that they were behaving better than normal. Yep. Not only am I a bad mother fucker, but evidently it shows also. What gets me is the female of the species is more asshole than the male. They have been known to refer to our females as "white cunt" "white bitch" "cracker ass ho" and assorted other names usually beginning with a skin color. The men just step up to the counter and say "Gimme a mild" or "I's need a grape rillo" (they seem to love the grape flavor) other than that they wont say a word to you. They also usually throw the money at you. I can tell you one thing. If this job doesn't kill me nothing will. I'm either going to get shot because I can only take so much shit or I'm going to explode. What I want to know is, can't we all get along?

I mean really, I can pretend to be nice to you and I do it for not much more than minimum wage. Would it kill you to pretend to be nice to me? It's only for 30 seconds or less. You don't impress me trying to act tough and you damn sure don't scare me. You know I don't like you (it has nothing to do with skin color, it's all about your fucked up ways) and I know you think I'm the white devil. But for 30 seconds we can be cordial. I'm doing my part for race relations. Do yours, or is that like finding a job, just too much hard work. Would you be nice if the government paid you to? How about it Hussien? Stimulate the economy by subsidizing the race relations. Give them money every time they act like a civilized human being, every time they smile at whitey, every time they turn down the car stereo.

I hope you enjoyed this post, just one of many late night last minute quantity post.

Charmed. No story, just an observation that I was hoping one of my many black readers could answer. Plus it was Black Friday so I questioned Black Chubby Chasers.

Keep on keeping on.

Black Friday

Not much to say tonight. Just got home from work and I have to go back in 3 hours. The bitch from 3rd shift called and quit 2 hours before her shift. Fucking whore. Looks like I may get a few more hours for awhile.

What is it with black guys and fat white chicks? I don't get it.

Keep on keeping on.

Thanksgiving 2009

Once again it's that time where I make a list of shit that I'm thankful for or I'm thankful ain't. This year will include both. So let's get started.

1. I'm thankful for our military. I just hope when the time comes they remember the oath included protecting us from domestic enemies also.
2. I'm thankful even though I'm dying from emphylukebetes that I don't have the aids (I don't want to be labeled a queer upon death).
3. I'm thankful for Jen and the kids.
4. I'm thankful Jr. didn't get charged with felony arson.
5. I'm thankful for football.
6. I'm thankful for the few readers I have left.
7. I'm thankful you fuckers don't fill up my comment box (start commenting fuckers).
8. I'm thankful God gave me charm, wit and personality. It makes up for being bald, broke and the small dick.
9. I'm thankful that short shorts, short skirts, high boots and high heels have come back into style.
10. I'm thankful that my boy needs a ride to high school in the mornings (see #9).
11. I'm thankful this month is almost over with. (comment you fuckers).
12. I'm thankful my poor dead momma will be spending Thanksgiving with me (she'll be in a box on the table).
13. I'm thankful for vagina (every time I get some).
14. I'm thankful for crackers and cheese (turkeys not done yet and I'm hungry).
15. I'm thankful for scrimps. I love me some little shellfish.
16. I'm thankful for plastic. It's probably the greatest invention of all time. Save a tree, use plastic bags.
17. I'm thankful I have a friend in Jesus (the song just told me so). I just wish his Father wasn't hatin' me.
18. I'm thankful I have today off work. I hate that place.
19. I'm thankful I even have a job. I just wish they would pay me.
20. I'm thankful for voice mail so I only have to answer the phone if I want to. That's not aimed at you Zelda, I was driving when you called.
21. I'm thankful I don't have to get dressed up this year to go see people I already know.
22. I'm thankful for Charmin.
23. I'm thankful for Smalls (Jr.s friend, he seems to be keeping the turd out of trouble).
24. I'm thankful for peanut butter (it's amazing what can be done with the creamy goodness).
25. I'm thankful the Cowboys game is starting so I can end this misery.

Looking at the list, it's more of a thankful for list, than a thankful ain't list. Oh well, there's always next year.

Happy Thanksgiving fuckers and Keep on keeping on.

Cowboys vs. Raiders

If the Cowboys lose to the Raiders tomorrow, I'm through with them. I will become a Jets fan, at least until Romo is gone.

You lame ass fuckers better start commenting.

Another quantity post simply because you don't deserve better.

Keep on keeping on.

The Final Frontier

Tonight I watched the new Star Trek movie. I've never been a big fan of space movies. I've never even seen a complete episode of Star Trek either. In fact I think we should thin the human population starting with trekkies. However that being said I will admit the new Star Trek movie is pretty alright. Lots of action, not to confusing but it could have used a little nudity.

I know enough about Star Trek to know James T. Kirk slept with anything with a wet hole, they could have touched on that a little more in the movie. They didn't mention those furry little dribble things that cause all sorts of problems and Dr. Spock while being logical never mentioned children or spanking. I know in the series Hans Solo was played by some deep voiced Korean dude and in the movie he was played by Harold of the "Harold and Fubar" movies, but they left out the wookie.I guess this takes place before he meets Chewcaca.

They had the Russian dude Mr. Jackhoff so they seemed to be introducing the original cast. They used a lot of the original catch phrases like "Dammit Jim I'm a doctor" and Scotty said "I'm giving her all I got Captain", once again that would have been a good spot for nudity. I don't remember the phrase "Bean me up Scotty" but they did say "Set your tasers on stun".

They did have the Romanlins but not the Klingy dudes or the storm troopers either and I am a bit confused by the absence of Darth Vader but I guess that will all be covered in the sequel.

All in all a good movie. I give it 4 trashcans out of 5. See it if you can. Until then.

Live long and party on, dudes.

On Time

These words are here just to make sure I complete NamBoPloMo.

Keep on keeping on.

Give Me A Break

Michael Jackson. The gloved pedophile won 4 awards at the 2009 American Music Awards. He won for:
POP/ROCK
Favorite Male Artist: Michael Jackson
Favorite Album: Number Ones, Michael Jackson
SOUL/RHYTHM & BLUES
Favorite Male Artist: Michael Jackson
Favorite Album: Number Ones, Michael Jackson

I got news for y'all. He's dead, fucking dead just like his career was years ago. The album "Number Ones" was from 2003. It was re-released after he went to hell.

Personally I don't understand how he could win shit. He's a fucking little boy raper. Favorite Pedophile is the only category he should be in. His brother showed up at the awards wearing a single glove and all the little Hollywood turds lined up to kiss his dead pedophilic ass.

His dad is still trying to get money from the estate and Los Angeles foot the bill for the funeral but their supposedly trying to get that back. The man killed himself with pills. It wasn't murder, no one forced him to be a boy loving junkie. He also died in debt. I probably will too but it wont be for owing money for millions of dollars worth of shit I purchased on a I'm-famous-so-you-have-to-let-me-take-this-and-I'll-pay-you-later-oops-did-I-say-you-were-going-to-have-to-sue-me-credit-line.

Then I hear some ass-monkey paid over $300,000 dollars for his fucking glove. I wonder how much little boy DNA was on that thing.

I'm just disgusted. Dead pedophiles winning awards. Socialist muslims running the country. We have muslims in the army. Movies like "Twilight" being made. Hollywood is ruing this country. They picked Hussein. They picked Michael. They make shit movies. They cry about the poor and under-privileged yet they all live in mansions. And the way Romo is playing the Cowboys will probably lose to the Raiders on Thanksgiving. Man the world is fucked up

FYI: I need to replace the broken timing chain in my car. Y'all need to buy some earrings.

Another quantity post brought to you by my lack of caring.

Keep on keeping on.

One Lucky Broad

I just figured out how lucky Jen is to be with me. I know a chick that's sitting at home right now with a sick kid. Her husband is missing in action, drunk and has her car. It probably cost her, her job. I wouldn't do that. In fact I never do any wrong when it comes to relationship time. I don't drink. I don't do drugs. I don't fuck around except in my head. I don't beat her needlessly (she needed it every time). I do laundry. I do dishes. I sweep and mop. I get the kids off to school. I do the grocery shopping (Jen sucks at it). I do everything. She should be thankful she has me. In fact I'm gonna make her say it at the Thanksgiving table. Yep. I'm fucking wonderful.

Another quantity post brought to you by a short time frame.

Keep on keeping on.

Dear Jack

It's my blog and I'll cry if I want to. First I didn't dick around all day. I worked which left me only a little bit of time. And if I wasn't working I was sleeping. I didn't hitchhike from Florida to South Dakota. I went out in the storm of the century and picked you up hitchhiking from San Antonio. You promised to never mention Garth Brooks to me again. No I never got the 20 bucks and I still hurt from the broken heart he gave me. It wasn't a 73 Cougar it was a 87 Dodge minivan (the most uncool automobile on the road) and if I hadn't taken the heat for that one you-know-who would still be eating the cock meat sandwiches (I hated seeing you.....I mean a grown man cry). Also that Alamo was really a Burger King and the musket was a straw with spit balls. It's amazing what time and destroyed brain cells will do to the facts. I've never seen Ac/Dc in concert. It was Ratt and Poison and y'all are lucky I didn't go party with Brett when he invited me to. It's a long walk from San Antonio. Dine and dash? I don't run. I walked out to the car. You and Conrad ran screaming like girls.

Yes a lifetime of adventure. Most of it in my head. Scribble? Ha. I'm the Hemingway of the 21st century. So I'll probably be famous after I'm dead.

Jack, you are a man of your word.

Keep on keeping on.

Big Box Of Nothing

I don't know what to write about. It's late and I only have an hour till midnight. That's not enough time. I could write about Hussein or race relations or the fact that liberals are the devils disciples. I could write about Jr. and his six months probation and 8 hours community service. I could write about the wanna be gang bangers at his school. I can't write about work because nothing has happened. I cant write about Jen because she's a secretive type person while I'm a balls out kinda guy. I could write about my brothers new dog training school. I could write about a few internet ideas I'm trying to put into play. I could write about the bullet earrings y'all stopped buying. I could write about the two broken cars in my drive-way that make me official white trash. I could write about my wonderful landlord that's letting me live two months behind. I could write about how the bones in my arms and legs constantly feel like someone is bending the to the point of almost breaking. I could write about the disease I've decided that I have. It's called emphylukebetes and it's killing me. The problem is nobody wants to hear this shit anyway. This month of posting is all about quantity not quality. So I bring you another quantity post.

That's it.

You Ain't Hard

I worked alone the other night and I went to take a piss during a lull in the customers. The store was empty and nobody was entering the parking lot, so I cut a trail for the pisser. Just as I was about to turn on the water to wash my hands (I'm clean like that) I hear someone yelling in the store. I didn't even hear the familiar ding ding of the door when it opened. Considering the language being used during the yelling and the demographics of the neighborhood I deduced that it was one of the local thugs. I continued to wash my hands (cause I'm still clean like that).

Thug: "You. Anybody here? What the fuck, yo? Do I gots to get my own shit, yo? Yo, where the fuck you at? Yo. I'ma jump this counter, yo. Yo I needs some help."

I opened the door and walked out still drying my hands.

Trash: "You need to have a little patience."
Thug (trying to sound like a bad ass and very loudly): "I need some gas and a Black & Mild."

I walked past the garbage and threw away my paper towel and strolled up to the counter. I put my hands on the counter and leaned forward and in my best fuck you voice.

Trash: "You better have some respect."
Thug (mildly): "Can I have some gas and a Black & Mild............please."
Trash (with a smile): "Sure."

I'm hard like that.

Assortment

Went to the high school today and yelled at the assistant principal's secretary. After almost making her cry or call the campus cop I was informed she would have the principal call me. He never did. I'll be back there in the morning.

My computers syphilis flared up today. Hopefully I've given it enough penicillin .

A few of you ladies decided to comment on my last post. First the proper shoe color is red. Black is a good substitute but only for the men that want to be controlled by the lady folks. Red is a whore color and that's what the real men like. Also I can tell from the comments that a few of you didn't understand rule 31. Study it, then get back to me.

I watched "The Ugly Truth" tonight. You must see this movie. Not only is it good and there's a lot of lessons for you women but, Katherine Heigl is fucking delicious. Oh the dirty things I would do to her.

That's it.

The Trashman Is Down With The Bitches And Hos

I have come up with a written set of rules for all the wives and girlfriends out there. I know what I'm talking about. You should really listen. If you do listen to me you will have a happy relationship.

1. Barefoot and in the kitchen are perfection. You should strive for it. Pregnancy is optional. Your man will make the call.
2. Dinner will be warm and on the table, unless it's supposed to be served cold. Then it will be cold and on the table when he comes home.
3. It's best to greet your man at the door on your knees. Tilt your head back like a baby bird waiting for dinner. You'll get the worm.
4. Make up was invented for a reason. Use lots of it. Spackle knives are sold at any hardware store.
5. Sweat pants and large t-shirts are NOT an allowable clothing option.
6. Your husband's sexual satisfaction should be priority one.
7. A woman's place is in the home. She should go there directly after work.
8. We will NOT like your new best friends husband. So don't make couple dates.
9. It is O.K. for you to walk around naked.
10. It's not O.K. for you to bitch if we leave the door open when we take a shit.
11. It' s not O.K. for you to bitch, period.
12. Let your guy catch you masturbating every now and then.
13. When I tell you how I want my sandwich made, make it that way. Don't improvise. If you do, you're wrong.
14. It's O.K. for us to look at other women but it's not O.K. for you to look at other men. Men are visual creatures, women are emotional monsters, therefore you don't need to look at other men.
15. A threesome with your sister or mother or some other close hot female relative are a great birthday present.
16. Don't nag.
17. If we say the game is on, don't bother us. It doesn't matter which sport, it's "the game". So shut up.
18. Farts ARE funny.
19. When it comes to sex (ha I said come) be open minded. Try the tea bag thing or perhaps the Dirty Sanchez.
20. Laugh at our jokes. Especially when we're not funny.
21. NEVER EVER EVER give us shit in front of our friends.
22. Just cause we don't say "I love you" doesn't mean we don't love you. If we didn't love you we wouldn't be there. Unless you're really rich or really hot.
23. Always make sure you look your best.
24. It's O.K. if we get fat, but that's a one way street.
25. I'm sorry you're just not as good a cook as Mom is. Get used to it.
26. It's a man's world. Know your role.
27. Wearing nothing but a pair of red 4" heels will get you pretty much anything you want.
28. If you want us to stick our tongues in there, shave it. Waxing is even better.
29. Try anal, at least 10 times before you decide you don't like it. Then do it anyway if that's what he wants.
30. Swallow.
31. We're always right, and if we're wrong that's the best time to tell us we're right.

Ladies if you follow these few simple guidelines I can promise you a lifetime of happiness. If you follow this list and you don't get a lifetime of happiness, then you did something wrong.

Keep on keeping on

Run For The Border

Jen and I were getting ready for work today when she walked out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel. Now I find this look very appealing and I let her know.

Trash: "Man you're hot. I really like that look."
Jen: "Shut up. I know what I look like. I hate when you lie."
Trash: "No really, that turns me on."
Jen: "You better stop."
Trash: "Listen, just cause you don't like the way you look, don't mean I cant like the way you look."
Jen: "You're blind. Leave me alone."
Trash: "No baby, you look good wrapped in that towel. Like a big ol' over stuffed burrito."

Keep on keeping on.

Cock Blocking 101

I worked with Pretty Boy again tonight and another hot chick came in. We'll call her New Hot Chick. Right away Pretty Boy starts with the flirtations.

Pretty Boy: "So what are you doing tonight? Got a date?"
New Hot Chick: "No. I'm going out with some friends. I'm the third wheel."
Pretty Boy: "You're to cute to be a third wheel."
New Hot Chick (giggling): "Thank you."
Trash: "You said the same thing to me last night."
New Hot Chick: "I thought I was special."
Pretty Boy: "You are special."
Trash: "Yep. You said that to me last night too."
Pretty Boy: "Stop that...........dick"
Trash: "You definitely didn't say that."

Keep on keeping on.

I Have A New Ho

Last night I worked with Pretty Boy again. That always makes for fun times. One of his regular stalkers came in, we'll refer to her as Hot Chick. Hot Chick headed for the beer cooler and Pretty Boy started telling me about how the last time she came in she offered him either dirty or nasty sex. He couldn't remember which one. On her way out the door he asked her which one it was.

Hot Chick: "I can't say."
Pretty Boy: "Sure you can. Trash don't care."
Hot Chick: "I said freaky. You happy?"
Pretty Boy: "You shouldn't have left so quick, I was going to follow you."
Hot Chick: "What's wrong with now?"
Pretty Boy: "I gotta work."
Trash: "You're on break. A mans gotta do what a mans gotta do."

They went outside and talked a little bit and made goo goo eyes at each other. After a few minutes they came in and went to the back store room. Pretty Boy couldn't look at me and he had to choke down a laugh as he passed. About 10 minutes later they came back out and she left. Pretty boy came behind the counter and smiled at me.

Trash: "That didn't last long. I'm disappointed in you."
Pretty Boy: "We didn't fuck or anything. She showed me her tits and then I showed her my dick. She played with a little bit and that was it."
Trash: "Well that was her freebie. Next time it's gonna cost her."
Pretty Boy: "Huh?"
Trash: "You're my new whore. I'm gonna pimp you out, right here at the counter."
Pretty Boy: "I bet I could make some money at that."
Trash: "Yep, and you're gonna hand it all over to me. Now get me some money. Bitch."

Keep on keeping on.

There's Always Tomorrow

That's right, fuckers. I've got a good one for you, but you'll have to tune in tomorrow to read it. Until then I'll be playing Mafia Wars.

Keep on keeping on.

Somethings Burning

Jen is in the kitchen. Where she belongs. I'm sitting here trying to entertain you fuckers. Maybe I should switch places with her. Well at least I quit bleeding.

Keep on keeping on.

Veterans Day

Sorry. I got nothing. I worked alone tonight. Nothing happened. I'm in pain and I got my period. So this is all you get. Not like it matters. Fuckers.

Thanks to all the veterans including me.

Keep on keeping on.

Employment Oppurtunities

Last night I had what most would consider a very disturbing dream. For me it's par for the course. I dreamed I was at a carnival and I got on an elevator at the roller coaster. The elevator took me to hell. I was there to apply for a job. They tested me and I was immediately offered a job upon my demise. That is if I wanted it. I would be in charge of punishing promiscuous young ladies. I'm lucky I didn't wake up swimming in a gallon of scooge. I'm still thinking about accepting the job.

Keep on keeping on.

T3

Tonight was my youngest boys last football game. Tomorrow we find out if they won district championship. He was one of the captains that walk for the coin toss. This position was chosen by his team. Who knew? I mean I knew he was good but I had no idea his team respected him that much. I guess I should have, he is my son after all. That alone commands respect.

More comments would be appreciated. Fuckers.

Keep on keeping on.

Putting It Lightly

As the whole world knows, 13 people were killed and 29 were wounded in a terrorist attack at Ft. Hood, Texas. This terrorist attack was carried out by a Major in the U.S. Army. This officer is a muslim. The fact that this officer is a muslim automatically makes the attack terroristic in nature. Regardless of whether there's one attacker or 100 attackers, anytime a U.S. service member or a U.S. citizen for that matter is attacked by a muslim that screams "Allahu Akbar" at any time during the attack, it is terroristic.

The liberal media has already started making excuses for the scumbag Major Nidal Malik Hasan. They are claiming he was picked on by his military peers for his ethnicity and religious beliefs. They have interviewed some of his neighbors, who say that some of the other neighbors used to snicker when he passed by dressed in his religious robes. Big fucking deal. He is 30 some odd years old. As an adult I don't believe your self esteem can be hurt enough to make you go kill a bunch of innocent people. I've had plenty of remarks made about my weight. Should I ever decide that the people that made these remarks hurt my feelings so bad that I needed to kill or attempt to kill 42 people, then I would kill the people that made the remarks. I wouldn't walk into a room full of people I didn't know, a room full of people that I had never met, people that I had never spoken to, people that had never done me any harm, caused me any pain, emotional or physical and open fire. The liberal media, his family and fellow mulsims all think the fact he was "picked" on makes it okay for him to commit mass murder. These same people also want you to believe that terrorism had nothing to do with this.

It was terrorism plain and simple. He decided a long time ago to carry out this attack. He didn't want to deploy to Iraq or Afghanistan. Not because he thought it was an oil war, not because he thought we should stay out of other peoples business, not for any of the reasons the whiny sissy hippy liberals in this country cry about. He didn't want to go because he didn't want to upset Allah. He didn't want to go because Allah tells muslims they should kill anyone that doesn't believe in the muslim way. This is what the Major did. He killed 13 people that were not muslim. Not to avoid deployment. Not because he was picked on. Because Allah told him to. Fuck Allah. Fuck Mohammed. Fuck Nidal Malik Hasan. Fuck the muslims. Oh and fuck Hussein.

Hussein had to give all his shout outs before he even began to mention the terrorist attack at Ft. Hood. See Zelda's blog she posted the youtube video. Makes me wonder who's side he's on. Some government official is calling for a congressional hearing to see who dropped the ball with Hasan. We don't need one. Bottom line is he's just another terrorist. We do however need a congressional hearing to find out what Hussein is really about.

Back to the subject at hand. How many of you have seen the movie Swordfish? In the movie the character played by John Travolta (Gabriel) tells the character played by Hugh Jackman (Stanley) how things should be handled.

Stanley: "War? Who are we at war with?"
Gabriel: "Anyone who impinges on America's freedom. Terrorist states, Stanley. Someone must bring their war to them. They bomb a church, we bomb ten. They hijack a plane, we take out an airport. They execute American tourists, we tactically nuke an entire city. Our job is to make terrorism so horrific that it becomes unthinkable to attack Americans."

This is how we should handle Hasan and the rest of the muslims.

This is not a traditional war. The enemy sometimes wears our uniforms. We are not fighting another country or a different race of people. Hell we're not even fighting aliens from space. No. We're fighting a religion. A religion that teaches it's followers to hate and kill anyone that doesn't conform to their ways. We might as well be fighting Democrats.

Now here is where I release my inner redneck. I say we take Hasan out of the hospital and dump him in box with about 5 tons of pigs parts (guts, balls, dicks, skin that sort of stuff) and then drop him from a plane right into the town square in Baghdad. Then we take a few of the prisoners from Guantanamo Bay and do the same thing all over Afghanistan. After that, we let the entire muslim world know that the same thing or worse is in store for them if they don't stop fucking around.

Another thing we need to do is disarm all the muslims in our military forces. They can do jobs like picking up garbage and taking tickets at the post theaters. Anything in a support position where they can't poison, shoot or cut any real American military member. Because if they're muslim they can't be trusted. Now I know at least one of you is going to have a problem with that last statement. I realize that there may be some muslims out there that don't want to kill us, but we can't afford to think that way. Nope.

America. Love it or leave it. And if your muslim. GET THE FUCK OUT. That includes you, Hussein. Oh yeah. Mohammed is a goat fucker.

Keep on keeping on.

Computer Virus

Somehow Jr. managed to give my computer the syphilis. I'll give it some penicillin tomorrow and we can talk then. Plus I'm not getting enough comments. Fuckers.

Keep on keeping on.

A Moment of Silence - The Second One

Don't worry it wont last long. I'm just too mad to put together coherent thoughts.

Counter Monkey Conversations III

I work with a couple of other guys from time to time. My assistant manger, I'll call Sam. Then there's the guy I'll refer to as Pretty Boy, simply cause he's pretty. Sam seems threatened by Pretty Boys good looks but I personally think the female clientele has improved due to him.

The other night Sam and I were working when an older (ancient) black woman with bleach red hair approached the counter. We'll just call her "Old Black Woman". She put her items on the counter and the fun began.

Old Black Woman: "Where that pretty mother fucker that works here?"
Trashman: "I'm standing right in front of you."
Old Black Woman: "Oh you cute but I'm talkin' bout that hot white boy with the light blue eyes."
Trashman:"Oh, you mean Pretty Boy. He'll be here tomorrow."
Old Black Woman: "I take that mother fucker home and lick his ass dry."
Trashman: "I'll be sure and let him know. You have a good evening."
Sam: "I just puked in my mouth."

Counter Monkey Conversations II

The boss lady and I were standing out front the other day having a cigarette. I think we'll call her boss lady. This is what we were talking about. Store brand Twinkies.

Trashman: "You were right about those store brand Twinkies. They're fucking delicious with some ice cold milk. So much better than the real thing. In fact it's like an orgasm in your mouth. I take that back I've never had an orgasm in my mouth."
Boss Lady: "There's nothing wrong with an orgasm in your mouth."
Trashman: "Well I guess they do have that white creamy filling."
Boss Lady: "I like mine with chocolate milk."
Trashman: "You drink chocolate milk with the orgasms in your mouth?"

Keep on keeping on.

I Feel Pretty

Sunday night a cute little gal came into the store to buy some gas. She was a little thick but not too thick and she was pretty as a speckled pup. Plus she had a great rack which was displayed very nicely. I watched her walk back to her car and it was all good. A few minutes later she came back in for a Black & Mild (I'm guessing she's a pot head) I checked her I.D. and she was all of 22 years old. I watched her walk away again and she still looked fanfuckingtastic from behind. Another minute or two and she was standing in front of me again buying a soda. Yet again I suffered the pain of watching her walk away. I don't know what she bought on her 4th trip into the store. All I remember her saying is "Do you want my phone number?" Hell yes I wanted her number. I wanted to tie her up and do dirty things to her until she learned to love me like all the others have. I wanted to coat her in chocolate sauce and lick it all off. I wanted to make her call me Daddy. I wanted to ruin her for all other men. But all I said was "I'm married." She turned and walked out of my store and my life. She is however been stroke material for the last couple of days.

Oh and before I forget.

THAT'S RIGHT MOTHER FUCKERS. I STILL GOT IT. I'M THE MOTHER FUCKING MAN. SHE WANTED A BIG OL' SLICE OF TRASHMAN PIE. THIS OLD MAN CAN STILL REEL THEM IN. I AM THE FUCKING SHIT. YOU LADIES ALL KNOW YOU WANT SOME. But I'm married.

Keep on keeping on.

Another Restaurant Review

Today Jen and I went to lunch. Something we very rarely do, simply because we can't afford lunch and mostly we can't stand the company of one another. That's a joke. Sometimes we can afford lunch.

We stopped in at a dive that I pass on the way to work. Some guys had come into the store one day and told me it was great food, large portions and a cheap price. We were over that way today so we stopped in. The place has been there for about 40 years and I don't think they've redecorated a damn thing in that time. It's dark and dingy. There's animal heads, fish and rattle snakes mounted on the walls. My kinda atmosphere.

Charlie's Steak House
15601 Visions Dr.
Pflugerville, Texas

Jen had the nachos which consisted of 10 tortilla chips with refried beans and frijoles with squares of American cheese melted on them, all topped off with a slice of jalapenos on each one. The cost. $3.25

I had the chicken fried steak which is served with salad, fries (just fries, there's nothing french about them) a piece of toast and cream gravy. Cost. $8.75

Jen says the nachos were O.K. kinda of like you would expect them to make them 20 years ago. As far as my lunch goes, well we all know (if you've read me in the past) I have temperature issues with my food. No issues here. It was all hot enough to blister my mouth. Except for the salad. The ranch dressing was homemade. Good start. The chicken fried steak was homemade. I've had better but it was edible. The gravy was good. The toast was perfect and the fries could have been cooked a little longer. Everything was pretty O.K. up until Jen saw the cracker in the bottom of my water glass. I didn't have any crackers. For some reason I didn't complain. I think it was because there was an ashtray on my table. That's right. You can smoke there. To me that makes it all worth it.

I'll be posting everyday all month. With any luck I'll get my groove back and the post will get better. Keep coming back and reading, don't forget to leave a comment. Fuckers.

Keep on keeping on.

Counter Monkey Conversations

Notice the fine ass on this magazine cover? Sorry for the picture quality it's the best I could do on short notice.

Last night my asst. manager "Sam" and I were spending a lot of time admiring this fine piece of meat. At one point we were standing at the end of the counter next to the bathrooms and having a little dialogue. We were the only ones in the store at the time. We were talking very loudly.

Trashman: "Hey Sam. That's got to be the greatest ass in the world."
Sam: "Yeah that is a beautiful ass."
Trashman: "I would eat that ass like it was pussy."
Sam: "I know man. It's a fucking work of art."
Trashman: "I would eat the shit out of her ass."
Sam: "You have no idea the things I would eat out of her ass."
Trashman: "I would take a miners light and make sure I got every inch of that sphincter. I would wash her guts with my tongue."

That's when we heard the flush in the men's room. Our heads snapped up from looking at the cover to staring at each other like a couple of deer caught in the head lights. I said "Who knew?" I don't know why I said it I just did. Sam busted out laughing and ran in the office. I grabbed my cup and went to the soda machine. The whole time I was telling Sam how nasty he was, let him take the heat. The men's room door opened and a guy came walking out. He didn't look at me, he just stared straight ahead. Sam is in the office howling like a crazy person, I'm at the soda machine watching the guy and the guy ain't looking at nothing but the door. He wanted out. As he opened the door to leave I said "Have a good weekend sir." Nothing. No wave, no thank you, no middle finger, nada. How rude.

Keep on keeping on.