Monday, November 12, 2007

I Can't Take It Anymore

I don't talk about my youngest (T3) much. He's so quite I usually forget he's here. Nothing like the rest of us (especially Jen). He's a straight A student, captain of the safety patrol, usually on Student Council, and this year he made the Who's Who of Academic Excellence. I have never been called to the school because of him and I'm pretty sure I never will be. However and there is always a however, he does have a little redneck white trash blood in him.

The kid LOVES rasslin (wrestling for you educated types). It comes on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday is reruns and Sunday is pay per views. The reason I know this is Wednesday nights is the only time he comes out of his room (usually to talk about rasslin). If he's not watching rasslin then he's playing a rasslin game on PS2. I've even seen him switch back and forth from his show to playing the game during commercials. He has enough rasslin action figures (they're not fucking dolls) to have a Royal Rumble. He wants me to build a ring to scale for his action figures (they're not fucking dolls). The kid eats, breathes and shits rasslin. I don't know how he manages to get his homework done and maintain his grade average. I swear if you were to cut his head open a bunch of little wrestlers would come running out.

The worst part is driving him to school every morning. I'm trapped in the truck with him for 20 minutes or so. It goes something like this.

T3: "Dad?"
Trash (already knows what's coming): "What?"
T3: " How come Jim Duggans name is Hacksaw, yet he carries a 2X4?"
Trash: "I don't know?"
T3: "Who's your favorite wrestler?"
Trash: "Same as yesterday. Stone Cold."
T3: "Who's your second favorite?"
Trash: "Same as yesterday. Dusty Rhodes."
T3: "What was his finishing move?"
Trash: "He didn't have one."
T3: "Who was Road Dog Jesse James?"
Trash: "Half of The New Age Outlaws."
T3: " Who are they?"
Trash: "A tag team from a long time ago."
T3: "Where are they now?"
Trash: "I don't know."
T3: "Will they ever be back?"
Trash: "I don't know."
T3: "Can Rey Mysterio really beat the Great Khali?"
Trash: "No."
T3: "Then how did he do it at the last pay per view?"
Trash: "It's all part of the show."
T3: "Who picks the winners?"
Trash: "Probably Vince. I'm not sure."
T3: "How does he decide?"
Trash (crying): "For the love of God. Please stop, no more rasslin. You're fucking killing me."
T3: "Oh. OK. I'm sorry."
Trash: "Thank you son."
T3: "Dad?"
Trash: "What son?"
T3: "Can I ask you one more rasslin question?"

I swear just as soon as he gets a little older, I'm gonna put the stunner on him.

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