Tuesday, November 13, 2007

A Little Bit Of Me

While cutting drywall today I cut off a big chunk of my finger. I never could find it. So you'll have to bear with me. Since I'm typing slow you'll just have to read slow. Typing with two fingers is bad enough, you should try typing with one. We bandaged my finger with napkins and vet wrap (it's what was in the truck), when I got home and peeled it off I started bleeding again, everywhere. I mean EVERYWHERE. So I jumped in the shower and went through the torture of cleaning myself up while trying not to get too much soap on the wound because it stings a little. Afterwards I stood in the shower while Jen dressed the wound. The tub looked like the shower scene from Psycho. I'm still trying to figure out how Jen maintained herself since I was nekkid. Anyway she sprayed Nu-Skin on the area of the wound, it stung just a little. I responded with "FUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKK. OH FUCK. OH FUCK. OH FUCK. FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, WHAT THE FUCK. FFFFUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKK." What can I say the area was a little tender. But I did manage to come up with tonight's subject. It involves me. nekkid and fuck.

I got to thinking, there are a lot of childless women out there. Some are childless because they just haven't met Mr. Right yet and others because Mr. Right just can't get the job done. What ever the reason I am offering my services. I don't need or want to know the reason but if you are childless and you're wanting a baby just email me at trashman64@gmail.com. Now there will be a fee. Not much of one but a fee none the less. The cost will be different for each case. I provide the juice you do the work. It breaks down like this.

One shot deal: Airfare, meals, turkey baster.
Two shot deal: Airfare, meals, turkey baster and $50.00
Guaranteed pregnancy: Airfare, meals, turkey baster and I get to name the child.
There will be a contract which absolves me from all child support. I provide the ingredients you do the baking. It's your cake, you pay for it.

Now I realize once you ladies get a look at me you'll want to handle things the old fashioned way, for that you'll have to work out some sort of monetary arrangement with Jen. I will tell you this much, there is an ugly fee. You know who you are so don't act suprised.

Keep on keeping on.

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